


The Thorns of Perfection

by Salazaeus



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (Mostly) Canon until Reunited (Garnet's Wedding), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Temporary Character Death, also some action/adventure and friendship but gotta get through the angst first, because: diamonds, bit of blood/violence, but it will be fluffy as hell by the end, content warning for a few things, like a lotta angst, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 70,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21932596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salazaeus/pseuds/Salazaeus
Summary: Power, perfection, authority: the mantra of the immutable Gem Empire, its will a palpable force holding the infinite masses in check. Difference, disobedience, inadequacy: a death sentence to any fool enough- or unfortunate enough, to be found out. On Earth, a song and dance and heartfelt plea might have won over tired, derided gems, the loyalty woven into their very souls worn thin by the endless ages, but Homeworld is not Earth. And for Steven, torn away from those he loves and trapped in a rose-tinted cage, forced into the image of a mother he never knew, it is nothing short of a nightmare.Still, more lurks beneath the pristine guise of Homeworld than could ever be expected, and Steven may yet find himself the kingpin of an age-old scheme, caught in the crux of powers beyond his comprehension. Perfection is, after all, only skin deep.
Relationships: Blue Diamond & Steven Universe, Blue Diamond & Steven Universe & White Diamond & Yellow Diamond, Steven Universe & White Diamond, Steven Universe & Yellow Diamond
Comments: 96
Kudos: 232





	1. Wedding Crashers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time posting to this site! I haven't been inspired to write FF for a number of years so I figured that while I'm in the mood, I might as well make a new start. I have the entire storyline for this fic plotted out for once so I won't be tempted to abandon it.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Blood/Violence, Detailed Description of Panic Attack

Everything had been so peaceful, so perfect. A day of happiness, solely to celebrate Garnet’s love. But Steven was used to disappointment… and gems trying to kill him. Those gems just usually weren’t the diamonds themselves.

The fight, Crystal Gems versus Blue Diamond, was intense, but the Gems managed to hold their own against Blue while the cluster battled Yellow Diamond’s armship. Then, in a booming crash, Yellow’s ship was thrown to the earth, debris flying in a catastrophic meltdown. For a moment it seemed the fight might be over, both diamonds buried beneath the rubble, but with a blast Yellow emerged topside, bristling with rage, no longer with the cluster to occupy her. No, as she leapt from the wreckage to free Blue, it was obvious her new targets were the Crystal Gems before her. Both sides of the battlefield waited, tense as the diamonds caught their breaths, a standoff cut short by a small green gem.

“Hah!” Peridot laughed, leaping from Bismuth’s arms, ecstatic from her short-lived victory over Blue and now looking to test herself against Yellow, “I told her off once. I can do it _again_.”

“Hey! Yellow clod!” she yelled, running forward to face the behemoths before her. “Remember _me?_ ”

Steven didn’t need future vision to know what came next.

“No,” Yellow stated, leveling Peridot a look that Steven might give a fly, buzzing annoyingly against the window. Electricity shot from her hand, swallowing Peridot in a flash of sparks as her body destabilized.

With a _poof_ , Peridot’s gem dropped to the sand.

“Stop!” Steven cried desperately, running forward to face the two towering gems. “Don’t do this! Listen to me- I’m the one you’re missing! _I’m_ Pink Diamond!”

He instantly knew he’d made a mistake. Where Blue had just ignored his pleas for peace, the sentence had caught Yellow’s attention, just not in the way he’d wanted. Her look of tedium turned to one of recognition, bordering between disgust and rage.

“ _You_ ,” Yellow snarled, charging towards him faster than he thought possible.

“Steven!” Garnet cried out in horror as he threw up a shield, but Yellow’s foot was already crashing down upon him.

Steven’s back hit the dirt hard, a bone-crushing blow instantly shattering his shield. He sucked in a labored breath and it left his lungs in a cough, the taste metallic on his tongue. He blinked the stars from his eyes, only to find an enormous yellow hand obscuring his vision.

“Don’t! Touch! Steven!” Amethyst cried, punctuating her sentence with blows from her whip.

Yellow drew back with a huff of indignation, aiming a blast at the purple gem that was thwarted by a quick blow from Lapis.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Lapis shouted, dodging another attack. Water curled around her in ribbons, beautiful as they were dangerous. “I’ve only just begun to fight!”

Garnet interrupted a retaliation from Blue, but Lapis wasn’t so lucky. Yellow recovered near-instantly, lobbing another jolt of electricity, and with a startled scream and a flash of light Lapis’ gem dropped to the sand amidst a splash of water, joining Peridot’s.

“S-stop!” Steven cried, dizzily pushing himself up from his knees, but it was useless. The diamonds wouldn’t listen to him. They only saw him as Rose Quartz, rebel and shatterer. He stumbled, trying to keep his balance as the world tilted dizzyingly. With a groan he clutched his side. Yellow had really done a number on him.

“Come at me, diamond!” Bismuth roared, charging in only to get knocked back by a kick from Yellow. Pearl took her place, slicing viciously at the diamond with a fierce battlecry.

Garnet was holding strong against Blue, dodging every attack sent her way while trying to land few of her own. Blue attempted to unleash her grief once more, pushing Garnet back, but Connie was ready. Steven watched with awe as she portaled in and out on Lion with precision, knocking Blue off balance. Yet, even with the Gems’ coordination their blows were failing to find purchase; for being so large, the diamonds were quick, and with Yellow joining the onslaught the fight was starting to turn against the Gems.

“That’s _enough_!” Yellow yelled, firing another blast at Amethyst. One she couldn’t avoid, caught up as she was in a flurry of attacks.

Steven reached out, knowing he couldn’t shield her in time, only to gasp as Bismuth came between Amethyst and the surge of electricity, shielding her with her own body. She lasted longer than Peridot and Lapis, crying out for a few seconds as Amethyst and Steven watched in horror, but even Bismuth’s strong form fragmented before Yellow’s rage.

As Bismuth’s gem dropped to the ground Yellow struck again, turning suddenly to catch Pearl mid-attack. With a vicious squeeze and an accompanying pop the Gems’ numbers dwindled once more, and Yellow turned to face Steven. Their eyes met and he flinched as he felt the fury directed towards him. He hastily summoned a shield, stumbling as he retreated back a few paces. His head ached, his lungs burned, and the ground continued to sway beneath his feet… but he couldn’t give up. He just needed to get _through_ to them.

“Rose,” Yellow hissed, spitting the name like a curse.

“I’m not-!” Steven gasped desperately, barely holding his shield together as a bolt of energy hit. He grunted in pain, only to see a purple blob race past him.

“Amethyst, no!” Steven cried, but it was too late. She dodged Yellow’s destabilizing blast, only to be swept aside by a giant hand, hurled against the rocks like a pesky gnat. With a cry of pain and a quiet _poof_ , Amethyst’s gem joined the others.

“Steven!” Connie cried, trying to reach him, only to be glanced by one of Blue’s orbs in her distraction. “Ugh!” she growled in frustration, forced to turn back as Blue brought Garnet to her knees with another wave of emotion. Tears flooded Steven’s eyes as well; he struggled merely to remain standing.

“Please Yellow!” Steven called out as she advanced upon him. “You don’t have to do this! I-!”

“Be. Quiet!” Yellow seethed, pounding his shield to oblivion with a vicious strike of her palm, Steven just as helpless to stop it as before.

He must’ve blacked out for a second, because the next thing he knew he was being crushed in Yellow’s fist. Her fingers were tight- too tight! His ribs felt like fire, his lungs- He couldn’t breathe! He struggled fruitlessly, mind overcome with terror as darkness closed in around the edges of his vision. Suddenly Yellow’s fingers shifted, loosening ever-so-slightly. Steven rasped in half a breath before the crushing pressure returned, this time with even greater force.

Yellow was saying something, her voice echoing like poison in his ears, but he only caught a few words. “-this _revolting_ organic shell-”

It wasn’t until he felt a sudden tug at his navel that he understood. She was going to pull out his gem, she was going to pull out his gem and then she was going to shatter it! She didn’t know- he _had_ to tell her-! He struggled, writhing as he fought to breathe, just- _Breathe!_ And all the while the pain at his navel grew, it grew until it blocked out all thought, all sound, as Steven’s back arched, mouth opening in a scream that never came. Until every fiber of his being tore at once in pure agony.

And then darkness.

“Steven!” Connie’s voice called out desperately, echoing as if across a great distance. “Please Steven, wake up!”

“C-Connie?” Steven rasped, the words thick and unfamiliar on his tongue. “Connie, I’m right… here…” He trailed off as he forced his eyes open, a brilliant pink glow flooding his hazy vision. He squinted in confusion before the rush of memory hit him, then leapt to his feet, summoning a shield as distorted blue and yellow blurs danced before his eyes. He clenched his eyes shut, then opened them, blinking rapidly as the world finally swirled into focus.

He huddled behind his shield, ready for another onslaught, but the diamonds knelt unmoving before him. He lifted his gaze to their faces, tense and panicked, but the anger that had so dominated their expressions was absent. Blue was- crying, no surprise there- but with wide eyes, hands clasped over her mouth as if in horror, and Yellow- well, Yellow wasn’t moving at all. She didn’t even blink as she stared, lips slightly parted in shock.

Steven looked back towards the house, confused. Where was Connie? Hadn’t she been calling for him? He spotted her a ways back, crouched over a small figure laid prone on the sand. Amethyst? Her shoulders shook as if she was crying, but why would she be calling for him when he was right-

He had stretched out a hand, unconsciously, as if to comfort her from so far away, and it was then Steven found the source of the pink glow. He flinched back as the neon appendage entered his sight, only to freeze in shock. The hand did as well. His breath hitched as he slowly, so slowly, turned _his_ hand to face palm-up.

“N- No way,” Steven breathed, barely more than a whisper. “This can’t be-”

His eyes shot to the object of Connie’s attention, who he had so carelessly glanced over moments before. A familiar shock of dark hair, a perfectly-fitted tux now stained and torn, the sand darkened with- was that _blood?_

Steven took a step forward, then another, until he was running to Connie’s side. But then he froze mid-step, his worst fears realized in a flash of recognition as he caught sight of an all-too-familiar face. The figure in the sand… was him.

He fell to his knees, and only then did Connie look up. “S- Steven?” she queried, as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Steven couldn’t either.

Steven- the Steven before him- was bruised and bloodied, blood spilling from the corner of his mouth. His eyes were closed as if asleep, but he was terribly still, limp and lifeless. Steven shuddered as his eyes traveled down from his doppelganger’s face, finding the source of the dark pool still spreading around them. Connie had torn part of her dress, using it to compress the wound on other-Steven’s stomach, but every inch of the fabric was stained crimson, Connie’s trembling hands pushed far- too far- into the hole in his stomach. The hole left from a diamond.

“No way,” Steven parroted, bordering on hysteria, his own hand instinctually searching out- and finding- the gem at his navel. He was looking at himself- his _human_ self- and he was-

Even in his thoughts he couldn’t complete the statement.

“Steven!” Connie sobbed desperately, and only then did he look to her face, tearing his eyes from the gory sight in front of him. “Steven I can’t- it won’t stop bleeding.” Her expression was panicked, desperate, the strong girl Steven knew trembling like a leaf in the wind as blood and sand mixed on her skin. Her eyes pled with him to do something- _anything_ to end this nightmare.

As if in a daze Steven reached out to himself, gingerly placing a hand on his own chest. He flinched back as warm, sticky wetness met his touch, as reality struck him- _oh stars, this… this was **real!**_ Connie wasn’t the only one shaking now. He stared, blood dripping slowly from his glowstick-pink palm. A million thoughts of nothing buzzed through his mind, suffocating him as the world shifted, thrown off its axis in a moment of sheer impossibility.

Steven wasn’t sure how long he had been frozen in horror, praying to wake up, when he heard a strong - yet broken - voice plead, “Pink…”

Steven’s eyes grew wide as he shuddered, turning as if in slow motion to face the diamonds he had momentarily forgotten. Blue and Yellow still knelt where they had last, though Yellow had now added ‘disgusted confusion’ to her catalog of expressions.

“Steven, _please_ ,” Connie begged, though Steven barely registered that she’d spoken at all. A pit of rage grew within him, burning from the inside out, his thoughts curdling into daggers, his fists clenched painfully tight.

“You did this…” he whispered, looking upon his own murderer, filled with a hatred he had never known. Yellow opened her mouth to speak, no doubt to insult him, antagonize him, and Steven exploded. “ ** _YOU DID THIS!_** ” He screamed with a violent gesture, the force of his fury splitting the sand in two with a deafening crack.

Yellow sat stunned, face furrowed in anger, but for once seeming at a loss for words.

“Pink, please,” Blue pleaded, “we didn’t know…” but stopped short as Steven turned his murderous gaze upon her.

“ ** _HOW COULD YOU?_** ” He roared, and the diamonds flinched as another crack sent sand flying. “ ** _YOU_** _K-_ ” The rest of the word left his mouth as a moan. He tucked his arm into his stomach, hovering protectively over his gem. His voice dropped to a raw, pained whisper, “You- you _killed_ me…” His statement was quiet, so quiet, but it echoed deafeningly in his ears.

Steven swayed, trembling. He felt sick. He sucked in a breath that turned to a harsh sob, collapsing to the ground as his knees buckled.

This wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. He was dead. Why hadn’t they just _listened_ to him? They killed him. He was _Dead. He was DEAD-!_

Steven gasped for breath, clutching his head as he pressed his palms into his ears. He curled in on himself with a harsh cry, thoughts burning like coals beneath his skin. He couldn’t do this- it was too much. He couldn’t fix this! His thoughts were loud, too loud. They _hurt._ Knives cut into his chest; tears streamed from his eyes. It _hurt, please make it stop. Please, I’m begging you, stop! STOP THIS!_ And with a world-shattering crack, it did stop. His thoughts, his fears, his pains, all ceased in a single instant, fading together into warm silence. He welcomed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I love this character and I will destroy anyone who hurts him.  
> Also Me: Time to make my boy SUFFER
> 
> Minor Spoilers:  
> In this AU Steven's gem contains his consciousness, his human body merely modifies his processing abilities. As much as I love the concept of Pink Steven he does not exist for the purpose of this story.  
> Also, no, this will not end with Steven singing Kumbaya, dancing into the sunset with the diamonds. The diamonds' redemption arc was objectively awful and I seek to redefine it here. No shade if you like them; I think the "redeemed" diamonds are hilarious, just unrealistic.


	2. Pink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: Steven has an existential crisis for 5k words

The world was dark, and Steven knew he was dreaming. He tried to open his eyes, only to find that he could see all along. Bemused as he drifted in a soft abyss, he looked down and found his body missing. How funny, he thought with a smile. He looked around, spotting himself sleeping nearby, and yet infinitely far away.

“There you are!” he giggled, circling his slumbering form.

Steven pursed his imaginary lips in a frown. Something about this just wasn’t quite right. He circled himself again, an apparition lost in dusky twilight.

“I know!” he laughed. He was much too pink. Silly Steven; why was he so pink? So monochrome? That wouldn’t do at all.

The pink faded, changing hue and saturation. He smiled, but it wasn’t long before another frown crept forth. Still not right! He looked at himself from different angles, poking and prodding as he changed aspects of his appearance. He giggled as he grew himself taller, then shorter, then taller again. How funny, to change himself so easily when it was so hard before.

Steven frowned again, brow furrowed as he tried to think. Before? Before when…? His thoughts drifted, echoing into dark silence. Oh well, whatever he was thinking about didn’t matter, anyway. He should just focus on making himself look his best! He hummed as he worked, but eventually he got tired of just looking at himself sleeping. Shouldn’t he wake up?

As if on cue, a light appeared. Steven immediately felt drawn towards it. It seemed much more appealing than floating here in the darkness, so he drifted up through the void…

Steven opened his eyes, finding himself in an empty, unfamiliar room with tall walls. Tall _pink_ walls.

Steven gasped, stumbling back just in time to hear a soft _swip_. An immense, triangular door had shut, but as he frantically turned to and fro he found he was alone, the only thing of note beside the door being a pair of curtains, fluttering ever-so-gently in a breeze. The last thing he remembered was Blue- and Yellow… and his gem!

His hand latched to his navel, tracing the comforting, yet conflicting, facets of his gem. But his relief turned to dread as he found himself still, well, _pink_. It wasn’t the glowing, eye-searing pink as before, but everything about him, right down to his shirt and sandals, was pink. He briefly wondered if he was dreaming, but then recalled that no, he had just _been_ dreaming. He tried to remember… this was how he’d looked in the dream, wasn’t it? The details were already starting to slip away, but Steven blinked in surprise as a thought occurred to him. Had he been _poofed?_

Steven had always wondered what would happen, of course, but he’d never thought- he’d never _wanted_ to experience the state gems entered when repairing their forms. It had always seemed horrible to him, watching his friends disappear in a flash of light, not knowing when they’d return, but if that was truly what he’d experienced then maybe… maybe it wasn’t that bad. Boring, yes, to be stuck looking at himself sleeping, but not terrible or painful like he’d imagined. In fact, if he hadn’t held on to the still-fading image of his dream-self, he would’ve thought it just that: a dream.

He shook his head. What was he even thinking about? He needed to get out of here. Wherever… here was. He sighed anxiously, moving over to draw back one of the twin curtains. It turned sheer at his touch, automatically retracting to a position against the wall. Weird…

Steven turned to look out the window, leading out to a balcony he was just tall enough to lean over, a pit forming in his stomach as he gazed across an alien landscape. Strange, angular forms… buildings? rested in the distance, dotted with banded spires that reminded Steven of multi-flavored ice pops. A raised square-shaped area, divided into four, sat just below his perch, seeming to be some kind of courtyard, with a large square building positioned overlooking each point. He saw Blue and Yellow’s armships on the rooves of two of the buildings, corresponding in color, but perched atop the last was a luminous white bust. It was positioned directly across from him, looming over everything else, brilliant and blinding. A sense of dread overtook Steven. He knew now where he was: Homeworld. He’d only seen the gem planet for a moment after his escape from the trial but there was no other place like it, and no other this could possibly be. He turned away from the window, dashing to the door as panic fluttered in his chest.

Yet, before he could make his grand, thoroughly-planned escape, a chime sounded, followed a moment later by the door sliding open. Steven found himself face-to-face (or face-to-ankle, really) with the two people he least wanted to see: the diamonds. Steven froze, not even daring to breathe. A memory of the beach came to him - how furious he’d been, how determined - but right now he really wanted to sink into the floor and disappear, preferably before he was stomped into oblivion. He contemplated making a break for it, but he definitely wasn’t getting past the pair and the jump from the balcony would probably kill him… if he wasn’t dead already.

“Pink!” Blue cried tenderly, kneeling down to look at him. She reached out a hand, clearly wanting to grab him and Steven flinched back, falling as he tripped over his own feet, scrambling to put distance between them. Unfortunately for him, the room wasn’t very big to begin with, and certainly not big enough to put himself beyond Blue’s grasp.

Blue’s hand slowly retreated and Steven’s gaze flicked to her face. She seemed almost… hurt. No, _definitely_ hurt. Yellow, however, looked annoyed. Steven gulped, tensely getting back on his feet as tears began to stream down his face, courtesy of Blue’s ever-constant crying spells. Everything seemed oddly-proportioned, his body feeling strange and foreign even as he moved it with ease. And he would’ve sworn the diamonds were taller the last time he’d seen them. Which, now that he thought about it, he had no idea when that even _was_ , or what had befallen the gems back on Earth. He hoped they were okay.

“Um, hi?” Steven said tentatively, finding his voice. There was a moment of thick silence.

“Pink,” Yellow greeted him tersely. His one relief was that at least she didn’t try to touch him, instead choosing to remain standing behind Blue. “Would you care to explain yourself, or are you going to start breaking things, _again_?”

“W- what?” Steven asked fearfully. When had he broken something? Was Yellow angry at him? What were they going to do to him?

Yellow huffed in annoyance. She began to pace, gesticulating as she spoke, “How could you do this to us, Pink? Why did you let us think you were shattered? Why the strange disguise? Why are you putting on a voice? Why didn’t you say something at the _trial_?”

“I-” Steven began, backing up another step, but Blue interrupted, seeming distinctly put out with Yellow.

“Yellow, can’t you see that you’re scaring her?” Blue chastised, though her voice remained soft.

Yellow let out a short, tense sigh. “It’s not _my_ fault that Pink insisted on this silly… charade!” She waved her hand in emphasis and Steven flinched again, remembering all-too-well how powerful Yellow’s grip was.

“ _Yellow_ ,” Blue cautioned, disappointment in her tone, and Yellow crossed her arms, turning away.

“Fine, _you_ ask her then, Blue. And would you _please_ stop crying?” Yellow irritably swiped a few stray tears from her eyes, flicking them to the floor. “I can’t _see_.”

Blue sighed, but when she looked at Steven the tears had stopped and there was a fondness in her gaze.

“Oh Pink,” She lavished, her hands tightly clasped in her lap, “I can’t believe it’s really you! Alive on Earth for all this time.” A fresh batch of tears rolled down her face but Blue quickly swept them away.

Yellow cleared her throat, looking pointedly at Blue. The latter looked down for a moment, abashed.

“What happened, Pink?” Blue asked earnestly, cutting to the point, no doubt at Yellow’s insistence. “Why didn’t you come back to us?”

Well, it might be late, but they _finally_ seemed to be listening to him. Better make the most of it.

“Uh, you see…” Steven began, but found himself at a loss. “Oh geez, how do I even start. Okay, so, I’m not Pink Diamond- I mean, I kinda am,” he clarified at their incredulous faces, “at least… I have her gem, but I don’t remember anything from her life.” That was a terrible explanation and he knew it. From the looks on the diamonds’ faces, they knew it too.

“Okay, let me try again. My mom- wait, you don’t know what a mom is.” He sighed, bringing a hand to his forehead. _The peace and safety of the galaxy is riding on this, Steven_ , he reminded himself. He decided to start over, again. “Pink Diamond took the form of Rose Quartz permanently after she faked her shattering. She never told anyone who she really was, and eventually she gave up that form to make a new life with my dad: me.” He gestured to himself for emphasis. “I have her gem and some of her powers, but that’s all. Like I said, I don’t have any of Pink’s _or_ Rose’s memories.” He looked up, finding two very perplexed diamonds watching him. “I’m sorry,” he finished, truthfully. However much they had hurt him and his friends, his family, his planet, not to mention the galaxy, they were still mourning the loss of Pink. They were still… family. He just had to make them see that what they were doing was wrong, and all this could be over. He could go back to Earth and everything else would just be a forgotten memory, a bad dream.

Yellow pursed her lips with a thoughtful _hmm_. “Well, I’m sure your memories are in there somewhere, Pink,” she remarked.

“Uh, I go by Steven, actually,” he added. The diamonds ignored him, sharing a calculated glance.

“How did you survive, Pink?” Blue asked quietly. “We blasted the planet; we obliterated every gem on its surface.”

“They weren’t exactly… obliterated,” Steven admitted. “They were more… corrupted.”

“Corrupted?” Blue questioned.

“Yeah, you know, they forgot who they were and their forms got all unstable: lots of horns, teeth, you get the picture.” He shrugged uncomfortably, then had a sudden idea. “If we go back to Earth I could show-”

“Absolutely not,” Yellow snapped. Steven flinched again, despite his best efforts to suppress it, and Blue gave him a worried look. “You’ve already spent far too much time on that wretched planet, Pink. Just _look_ at what it’s done to you.” Yellow gestured to him and Steven looked down at himself, then back at Yellow. What was _that_ supposed to mean?

“What Yellow means is,” Blue said with caution, “we don’t think that would be good for you, Pink. You’re home now and that’s all that matters.” She smiled in an understanding way, but Steven’s heart turned to lead at the diamonds’ words.

“But-” Steven began, but Yellow spoke again.

“That’s _enough_ , Pink. I don’t want to hear one more word about Earth from you. This mess is more than enough of a galactic embarrassment without you running off to make it even _worse_.” A stressed crease formed between Yellow’s brows as she closed her eyes, warding off such a disappointing possibility.

“ _Yellow,_ ” Blue admonished, “Pink has been punished enough, trapped in that awful place for so long with those… _creatures._ ” She shuddered, as if being stuck on Earth was the worst thing she could think of.

Yellow gave an exasperated sigh. Blue had started crying again. “ _Please_ , Blue,” Yellow muttered, “contain yourself.”

Blue sniffled, wiping away her tears with a soft, “Sorry.”

A silence ensued as Blue composed herself once more, and Steven’s nerves continued to fray. He couldn’t get in a word edgewise without them talking over him. He needed to get back to Earth!

“My Diamond?” a nasally voice inquired, preceding Yellow Pearl’s appearance. She struck the classic diamond salute, somehow managing to keep an air of arrogance despite her subservient display.

“Let me guess,” Yellow Diamond stated apathetically, “Production report on the citrines?” She sucked in a breath, replying to herself before the pearl had a chance. “Very well.” Yellow looked Steven over with an unreadable expression; he fought not to shudder. “Pink,” she stated, a farewell, “we’ll finish this later.”

Yellow turned, disappearing from view as her pearl rushed after her. Steven couldn’t help but feel relieved, even as he was trapped in the gaze of the remaining diamond.

Blue smiled at him, eyes watery. “Oh Pink,” she fawned, “everything will be alright. We were ever so worried when you took so much time reforming but now you’re here, you’re safe.”

“How long did I take?” Steven asked before she could continue monologuing. How long had he been away from Earth? The last thing he remembered- he didn’t want to think about that.

Blue’s smile fell. “Twelve and three-quarter cycles.” The smile returned, but it no longer reached her eyes. “I know how much you love toying with your appearance, Pink,” her smile wavered once more as her eyes traveled up and down his body, “but it was so hard not to see you.”

He thought about asking how long a ‘cycle’ was compared to an Earth day, but with Yellow’s scathing anger at the barest mention of the planet he didn’t want to risk it. Blue might be playing nice right now, but Steven had seen what she could do when she was angry. And the look she was giving him…

Blue slowly reached out her hand. Steven stiffened. Should he run? Fight? But caught in his frantic indecision her finger descended, then touched lightly upon his head. He clenched his eyes shut, not even daring to breathe as he felt her gently stroking his hair. He was completely at her mercy. Eventually Steven heard a sigh and, mercifully, Blue withdrew her arm. He opened his eyes warily. A few tears slipped from them as Blue turned away, wiping away tears of her own.

“I’m sure you’re very tired, Pink,” Blue said, standing up suddenly. Steven didn’t move. What was she going to do? Had he angered her, not responding to her touch?

“I’ll let you rest; we can talk when you’re feeling better,” Blue finished, and with a flurry of motion she was gone, pink door shutting behind her.

Blue’s footsteps echoed into silence, tears trailing down Steven’s cheeks for a long moment before they abruptly dried. She was gone. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, rubbing the tears from his face as he attempted to gather his scattered thoughts.

Steven groaned, leaning back against the wall opposite the door. His instincts told him to get out, to run, to find somewhere the diamonds would never find him, but he couldn’t help but remember the aftermath of the trial. Hiding, being hunted… Lars. He shuddered, then took a deep, calming breath. Lars had gotten the off-colors out of Homeworld, undetectable by gem tech as a human. But Steven… He looked down at his too-pink hands. Steven was a gem. A full gem now, by the looks of it. An unbidden image of his own body, broken and bleeding on the sand, dashed into his mind. He pressed his palms into his eyes, warding off the horrible thoughts suddenly closing in around him, then pushed off the wall, towards the door. He needed to get out of here.

Steven inspected the tall, pink door, a smooth triangle seamlessly closed such that, if Steven hadn’t seen it open earlier, he would’ve doubted it opened at all. Homeworld had a knack for simplistic beauty: smooth, clean, geometric, perfect. Or so it seemed from the surface. He looked around, up, down, but couldn’t find a panel that controlled the door. How did it open? He searched the area with his hands, as far up as he could reach, but came up empty and frustrated.

“Stupid door!” Steven huffed, hands on his hips. At least the doors at the human zoo _had_ control panels, even if he couldn’t figure out how to use them. And it’s not like he could pry the door open, with it flush to the wall like it was. He began to pace.

“Okay, this isn’t so bad, Steven,” he told himself. “Sure you’re stuck on Homeworld, locked in Pink Diamond’s room, and everyone thinks you’re your mom, but you can definitely find a way out of this. You just have to talk some sense into the diamonds, get back to Earth, and get back to your life. Easy… So long as the Gems haven’t been shattered into a million pieces… and Earth hasn’t been destroyed. Hoh geez.” This was not helping. If anything, the knot in his stomach had worsened.

Steven turned back to the door. Maybe if he… talked to it?

“Open!” Steven said. Nothing happened. “Uh… open sesame?” Nothing. He squinted at the diamond decorating the top of the door’s triangle motif, high above him. There was one more thing he could try. He rubbed his palms together, then slapped them flat against the door, arms outstretched. “Diamond power… open!” he shouted. Still nothing. Guess even movies couldn’t help him here.

Steven ran his hand through his hair, sighing, surprised when his hand met more than he was used to. Okay… so his hair had gotten longer. He pulled a handful of strands forward, more shocked than he should’ve been to find them a deep pink. Of course his hair was pink. _Everything_ was pink. Steven flopped onto the floor with an exasperated huff, throwing his arm over his eyes. He didn’t want to see any more of that stupid color, covering every surface, covering _him_. His throat felt tight; he resisted the urge to sniffle. Crying wouldn’t get him out of here. Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, Connie, everyone was probably on their way to bust him out right now. There’s no way they would just leave him here with the diamonds. His thoughts flashed back to the beach. The blood in the sand, Connie’s tearstreaked face. Steven shivered. Had the diamonds shattered everyone before they took him? If they survived, did they even know he was alive? Would they- _could they_ come for him?

He peeled his arm from his eyes, gazing up at the ceiling. Shimmering pink bubbles floated among an ornate inlay of stars and moons. How often had his mom looked up at this same ceiling? Steven turned his head, looking around the empty room. He knew gems didn’t need beds and chairs since they didn’t tire, but he would’ve thought there would at least be _some_ furniture. What was he supposed to do in here, besides worry?

“I wish I had a bed,” he mumbled, then leapt up with a gasp as the ground moved beneath him.

A rectangular slab rose from the floor, small beings rushing about in the darkness beneath it.

“Hello?” Steven called, confused. The little creatures made a collective assortment of surprised noises, hurrying away into the recesses of the floor, out of sight.

Steven frowned. So these little guys made the furniture? “I need… a place to sit,” he said tentatively.

A smaller square slab rose from the floor, the creatures rushing around beneath it once more. He knelt down, peering into the gap. Tiny gems were busy hammering and adjusting, but scurried off with a chorus of “Oh!”s when they saw him looking.

“Hmmm,” Steven mused. They seemed scared of him. How could he get these little guys to come out of hiding?

“I need a… shelf for my… face!”

He grinned as a small square on the wall folded down in a vision of his request. Steven stuck his head inside, catching the little gems scurrying about.

“Hey, who are you guys?” he asked, but they let out gasps of surprise and began to rush off again. Steven was disappointed, but not surprised. “Well… thank you,” he said as they disappeared.

“Thank… you?” one of the gems said in shock, turning back to him. Slowly, the others poked out from behind the inner workings of the wall. “Is it…?” a gem queried, knocking down a bit of internal wall to look at him. Another gem dressed in pink said, “It _is_ her!”

Suddenly, about a dozen tiny gems were rushing towards him, laughing happily. They climbed onto him eagerly, messing with his hair and diving into his pockets. He caught a few words: “She’s back!” “Why does she look different?” “Our diamond!” “Pink!” They clearly thought he was his mom, but he couldn’t help but laugh along with their enthusiasm.

“Alright, who are you guys?” Steven chuckled, repositioning one of the gems who kept trying to climb into his mouth.

“Very funny, Pink,” a gem nestled in his hair said. A small tower rose from the floor next to him, just big enough to house a staircase for the little gems, a number of them happily clambering about.

“Always playing her games,” a green-clothed gem laughed, “pretending she doesn’t know us pebbles.” So they were called pebbles… and they served his mom.

Steven sighed, sitting down on the pebble-provided seat. One of the little gems climbed down his arm, then hung, swinging, from his finger. He wanted to tell them he wasn’t Pink, but they were so happy to have her back… could he really take that from them? A stab of guilt ran through his chest. Well, they were going to find out eventually.

“You guys- pebbles,” they looked up at him expectantly, “I’m not Pink Diamond.” A pause. “I’m serious!” he protested as they laughed, returning to their antics. “I know I have her gem, but I’m not her. I don’t remember you guys. I’m sorry.”

The pebbles giggled, praising his joke, completely ignoring his confession. Well, he _had_ tried. Was there no one here who could see that he wasn’t his mom? He sat in silence for a moment, watching the pebbles play, before a question came to mind.

“Hey, pebbles?” Steven asked, met with a choir of, “Yes My Diamond?” “What is it, Pink?” “How can us pebbles help?”

“Is there a mirror in here somewhere?”

A flurry of motion met his question, several pebbles jumping into the floor as another tugged on his shirt. He looked down, only to look up again as a quick motion caught his attention. One of the walls was opening: a secret door he’d overlooked before. Inside was a twisting walkway, framed by spinning geometric pillars and hovering staircases. Steven got up to investigate, several pebbles coming along for the ride. The entire area was a deep pink, suspended over a high drop that he knew Pearl would deem a safety hazard, but definitely gave it a wow-factor.

Steven walked down the zig-zag path, eventually coming to a table and plush stool framed by large, glimmering crystal pillars. An enormous crystal screen stretched above the ensemble, bearing the same shape as the display of the diamond communicator Peridot had used to contact Yellow, but in pink and much more ornate (and permanent). Steven stood on his toes, just tall enough to see the table’s contents, then climbed up onto the stool for a better view.

A large, shallow pot occupied most of the table, filled with large, smooth stones in varying shades of dull pink. A single flower stood against the edge, seeming to be made of crystal, with its green outer petals and leaves being one of the only things in the area that wasn’t pink. A few gray rocks were scattered about, some broken into pieces to reveal small pink gems glimmering within. To the right of the pot a number of gems, extracted from the rocks, were laid out on a cloth, accompanied by an odd pair of pliers, while on the left lay something that looked like a tuning fork. A few tall pink crystals stood in clear, ornate cases, shimmering at the back edge of the table with a couple oddly-shaped pots on either side. All of the items were beautifully delicate, and yet simultaneously hard-edged and practical. All of them were his mom’s.

Steven picked up one of the crystals from the cloth, turning it over in his hand. What was it for? How long had it been since his mom had sat here, holding this same stone? He studied it a moment, then put it back, bracing himself as he slowly brought his gaze up to the reflective screen. He knew he must look different now that he was dea- _not human_ , but it was hard to bring himself to accept the reality of what had happened. It seemed such a short time ago that he had pronounced Garnet, well, _Garnet_ , with everyone on Earth happy and dancing and seemingly carefree…

Steven clenched his eyes shut, then opened them again. He couldn’t be afraid to even _look_ at himself. He took a deep breath, let it out, and looked up.

“What the-!” Steven yelped, tumbling backwards off the stool. He landed on his back with a harsh _oof._

Slowly, he got up, brushing off the pebbles' concerns, then peeked over the edge of the table. A pair of pink eyes and diamond pupils peered back at him from the midst of a deep fuchsia cloud, full of suspicion. Steven ducked back under the lip of the table, then sank heavily to the floor. Of all the things he had been expecting, it had _not_ been that. He shuddered, tucking his knees into his chest. His eyes were just the same as the other diamonds’ now. Just as cold, as inhuman.

A tear dripped down his cheek and he wiped it away, still curled into a ball. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to go home. He wanted his dad to strum his guitar and sing old songs and call him schtu-ball. He wanted Garnet to make her hands into a perfect heart and tell him, “I love you.” He wanted Pearl to explain all the things he would never understand and Amethyst to sit around drinking motor oil and playing video games as she called out for a player two. He wanted to dance with Connie under the stars and look at meep morps in the barn with Peridot and Lapis, and he wanted to watch Lion sleeping, curled up in the sun with Cat Steven. But most of all, he wanted to be back on Earth, just as it was before the diamonds came. Back before all this happened and he was stuck here on Homeworld, alone. Back when he was still human. A second tear rolled down his face, and then another, and Steven buried his face in his knees, trying desperately not to sob. He didn’t even feel sad, so why was he crying? He just wanted to go home.

It took Steven a long while to calm himself, but he eventually reeled his contradictory emotions back in check. He chastised himself: he wasn’t fixing anything by hiding under a table, acting like a baby. He was a Crystal Gem, for stars’ sake! Everyone on Earth was counting on him to fix things with the diamonds and he was just sitting here, sulking, wasting even more time than he already had. Steven steeled himself, climbing back onto the stool. He stood up, holding out his arms as he struggled to balance on the plush surface. _Time to see what you look like, Steven._ He looked up, ready for anything.

It took everything within him not to flinch, gazing into his own diamond eyes. He slowly lifted a hand, then gave himself a wave. He breathed in sharply and saw his eyes widen as reality set in. It really was him, the person in the mirror. It was so wrong… and yet it felt right, looking at this bizarre version of himself. His hair fell to his shoulders in soft curls, framing his face, so much like Pink Diamond’s- his mom’s, but with a dark hue that wouldn’t be out of place in a sunset sky. He was dressed in his normal star t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, though all had changed to varying shades of pink. He ran a hand over his shirt, fiddling with the hem. It all felt so… real. He could feel the soft fibers of his clothes, each individual stitch holding it together, but it was just an illusion, right? If he was really all-gem now, then his clothes must be made of light, as well as his body. He placed a hand on his chest. He breathed in, then out. Seconds passed as Steven waited for the familiar burn of oxygen deprivation, the starving need to breathe, but it never came. He slowly brought his hand up to his neck, hesitantly placing two fingers against the small, still cleft where his heartbeat once resided. An unpleasant shock rolled over him like a wave, a memory surfacing of the last time he’d felt the life-giving tempo within him: crushing pain, a silent scream, the taste of blood in his mouth-

Steven gasped like a fish out of water, palms splayed against the desk to steady his fall. The pebbles climbed up to him, asking questions and offering soft reassurances, but Steven couldn’t acknowledge them. He couldn’t be reminded of everything he wasn’t. Not now. _Breathe, Steven_ , he reminded himself. _Focus._ It might not be necessary for him to breathe anymore, but the long, slow breaths still worked wonders to calm him. He looked to the mirror, his reflection staring back at him: foreign, yet familiar.

Beneath his clothes, beneath the pink hue of his skin, reminding him so uncomfortably of Lars, his body had changed, too… He squinted at himself. Why was this familiar? He almost looked like… Steven breathed in suddenly, surprised. He looked so much like his dad, from the old band tape he showed him once! Was this what he was going to look like when he grew up? Or, well, now, he corrected himself. He squished his cheeks, then stuck out his tongue. He looked so dumb, but he couldn’t bring himself to smile. Everything about him was so different… was he even still himself?

Steven remembered Pearl, asking him if he had any of mom’s memories. Wondering if she saw through his eyes. The diamonds looked at him, but they looked right past him, only seeing Pink. If- _when_ he saw the Gems again, would they see her instead of him, too?

Steven leaned back, studying the him in the mirror. His body might be different, but it was also a lot the same… just bigger. And pink. Steven turned this way and that, getting as good a look at himself as he could while balancing precariously on the stool. Strangely, the more he looked, the more comfortable he felt. He _was_ different from his mom, but in a good way. He was a mix of his mom and dad, like any kid should be, should grow to be, and for the first time he could really see it. He’d gone so long without growing; he knew his dad and the gems were worried he might stay the same forever. Heck, _he_ was worried. Everyone still treated him like a dumb little kid, even as he worked so hard to prove himself. So, even if it was weird and awful how it happened, at least now he knew he could still change. At least he knew that his mom wasn’t trapped within him, seeing what he saw, feeling what he felt, unable to speak or act but still an influence in everything he did. She was gone, and his gem was just… him. He took a breath in, then out, feeling a sort of peace descend upon him. He wasn’t his mom. And yet… As he looked into his unearthly eyes, a shiver ran down his spine. And yet everyone still thought he was her.

Steven leaned in closer, reaching out to touch the magenta eyes reflected back at him, trying to understand, only to jump back as the screen flared to life. The reflection was gone, replaced with the warm pink glow of gem technology. Images materialized, shimmering into view; he recognized Blue and Yellow, along with someone else, taller than both. She was bright, her features hard to see, but her silhouette was familiar, a spitting image of the bust overlooking the plaza. There was only one explanation. She could only be the final member of the Diamond Authority, the only one he’d never seen: White Diamond.

Steven’s finger hovered over the screen, about to swipe to the next picture when a chime rang out. He froze, swallowing thickly. The diamonds were back already? Maybe… maybe if he stayed here they would just leave him alone. It was too small for them to fit back here, right? He grimaced, stuck leaning over the table as every fiber of him quieted, listening.

A voice echoed softly down the hallway, not Yellow’s or Blue’s, too quiet for him to make out words. Steven strained his ears, but heard nothing- no, a delicate set of footsteps grew louder, nearer. He turned, both wanting to ignore the intruder and needing to see who it was.

The footsteps continued to draw closer, perfectly timed, no rush or misstep in their tempo, and the pebbles dashed away, disappearing into the floor. Then Blue Pearl turned the corner, coming into view at last. She was frowning; Steven couldn’t help but wonder if she was sad. Did she resent serving Blue Diamond?

“Pink Diamond?” the pearl inquired in greeting, voice like moths’ wings. She saluted him, a delicate motion of intertwining arms. “My Diamond has requested your presence.”

“Oh… um,” Steven stuttered, jumping down from the stool. Seeing Blue again was the last thing he wanted, but it’s not like he could just refuse. “Okay,” he said. The Gems were counting on him.

Blue Pearl turned, lending exquisite grace to such a simple act, and led the way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a bit tricky to balance internalizing and externalizing Steven's thoughts, but I think it turned out well. Let me know what you think!
> 
> The act of gem reformation has always interested me. I've always thought gems must be put into a soporific/trance state so that they don't try to reform before they're able to repair. Of course, with Gem-Steven, his mind might automatically try to replicate a dream state, seeing as that's what his psyche is used to.


	3. Cracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Descriptions of Dissociation and Panic Attacks

Steven followed Blue Pearl down the seemingly infinite halls of Homeworld, taking in the sights with wide eyes. He’d tried to see how the door to Pink’s room opened, but, annoyingly, it had slid open as the pearl approached, sending him back to square one on his escape plan. However, even trapped as he was, he couldn’t help but appreciate the alien beauty of Homeworld. Every inch was pristine, immaculate, inlaid with intricate designs and even sporting living gems, seemingly fused into the walls themselves. Steven had tried to greet the wall-gems but it had only seemed to embarrass them. Not wanting to get them in trouble, he’d kept moving.

He and Blue Pearl entered a windowed hall and Steven looked out upon the endless sprawl of gem buildings. He paused a moment, placing a hand on the glass as he watched the bustle of life far below. Even from here it looked neat, orderly. Perfect.

“My Diamond is awaiting our arrival,” Blue pearl said softly, having turned back as she waited for him.

The pearl’s expression was flat, but Steven sensed the barest hint of impatience.

“Yeah, of course,” Steven said, reluctantly following once more.

The architecture had changed from pink to blue a while back, with more and more glass (or transparent crystal, more likely) cropping up in the halls he passed. It seemed Blue favored an elegant touch, even - or especially - in her surroundings.

Steven tried to think. What was he going to say to Blue? Should he ask her about Earth, about his friends? He _needed_ to know, but Yellow had been so antagonistic… Maybe if he made some small-talk, cracked a few jokes she would be more receptive to his inquiry. It had worked with gems before.

Eventually they reached a wide, open room, obviously designed to suit the stature of a diamond. Glimmering crystal pipes carried water along the side of the room, seeming more decorative than functional, while at the far end an enormous pair of stairs led up to an equally large doorway, guarded by two topazes. Elegant gemlike statues surrounded the door, reminding Steven of some renaissance artwork Pearl had showed him in his Earth-history lessons.

As they approached the stairs Steven wondered how they were going to climb them. He could just jump up, but he couldn’t imagine Blue Pearl doing something so… unrefined. His question was answered as a small staircase folded out of the larger one, startling him. He realized he’d stopped, gazing at the stairs in awe, when Blue Pearl looked over her shoulder at him.

“Sorry,” Steven said, hurrying to catch up.

Blue Pearl’s foot hesitated a miniscule second, then touched the ground. “There is no reason to apologize, Pink Diamond,” she stated, voice quiet.

Steven frowned. “My name is Steven,” he said.

“Of course, Pink Steven,” she replied, continuing up the stairs.

“No,” Steven groaned, “just Steven.”

“Of course, Just Steven,” Blue Pearl reiterated.

Steven was about to reply, gazing up at the artwork surrounding the door, when the statue he was looking at blinked. His eyes widened. They were gems too? He was so preoccupied he didn’t notice as the stairs ended and with a too-high step he fell forward, awkwardly colliding with Blue Pearl, whose outstretched hand smashed against the door panel. The doors opened swiftly, sending both Steven and the pearl tumbling into the room.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Steven asked quickly, disentangling himself and offering a hand. Blue Pearl seemed shocked for a moment, hair flung back from her wide eyes, before giving him a diamond salute. She ignored his hand as she quickly got to her feet. With her standing so close to him, he briefly noted that they were of similar height. Weird; Pearl had always been much taller than him.

“My apologies, Pink Di- Just Steven,” Blue Pearl said quickly, now bowing in addition to the salute.

“What? No, _I’m_ sorry! I should be the one apologizing!”

The topazes rushed into the room. Steven expected to be on the receiving end of their maces, but to his confusion they immediately stood between him and Blue Pearl, blocking her in menacingly.

“Pink Diamond,” the topaz on his left, gem on her shoulder, addressed him, “are you injured?”

“Wha- of course not!” Steven objected, incredulous.

“We will remove this defective pearl from your presence,” the other topaz said, stepping towards Blue Pearl, weapon still raised. “I’m sure My Diamond will shatter her for her insolence.”

Steven gaped, stunned. Were they seriously going to punish Blue Pearl for his mistake? _Shatter her?_ Her frown was deeper than he’d ever seen it, yet she made no move to defend herself.

“N-no!” Steven cried, pushing past the topazes to stand between them and Blue Pearl. They, surprisingly, offered no resistance. “It was my fault! I wasn’t watching where I was going!”

The topazes immediately lowered their weapons now that Steven was before them, hesitating as they switched between glaring past him at Blue Pearl and searching his face, confusion in their eyes.

“What is the meaning of this?” Blue Diamond’s voice rang coldly.

Steven looked up into the diamond’s face, anger written in the curve of her mouth and narrowing of her eyes, and gulped. Water was dripping from her body, slowly pooling on the floor and trickling down yet another staircase towards them. She had obviously been interrupted doing something. He would’ve guessed bathing, but gems didn’t bathe, did they? The topazes saluted, bowing before the diamond.

“I- It’s my fault,” Steven said, trembling as the angry gaze landed on him. “I wasn’t watching where I was going- I tripped. It wasn’t Blue Pearl’s fault, I swear!”

Blue Diamond looked behind him. “Pearl?” she inquired, more an order than a question. As if she already knew Blue Pearl was guilty. A flare of anger curled within him as he recognized the look. It was the same one Blue Diamond had turned on him at the trial.

He heard Blue Pearl start to speak, but Steven cut in. He wasn’t going to let her damn herself.

“I told you it was my fault!” Steven cried, anger snapping to fear as Blue Diamond looked back to him. “Please,” he begged. “Please don’t hurt her.” His throat was suddenly tight. “I promise I’ll be more careful; it’ll never happen again, I swear!”

“Pink,” Blue began in a sigh, but Steven wasn’t done. Anger rushed back to the surface.

“No! I’m not going to stand around as someone else is punished for _my_ mistakes! It was my fault! If you want to punish someone, punish me!”

Blue descended the stairs and Steven froze. He’d really done it now. She’d realized he wasn’t Pink and she was going to shatter him and Blue Pearl both. It was all his fault- he should’ve been more _careful!_

The walls closed in around him, crushing him just like Blue was about to. He clutched his head as the floor swayed, his knees buckled under an overwhelming weight. He was going to die. He was going to die for real, for good, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. A harsh whimper escaped him. Why was he so stupid? He couldn’t do a _single_ thing right! This was all his fault! He felt something touch him and he let out a lone sob, sure that this was it - this was the moment he died - but suddenly the weight lessened, the overwhelming chaos of his mind steadied. Steven blinked tears from his eyes, drawing in deep, ragged breaths. He shuddered and the rest of his awful, terrible feelings instantly fell away, almost as if they’d never been there in the first place.

“Wh…at?” he coughed, head spinning. What was he doing?

The aqua ground beneath him was hard, yet gave slightly beneath him. He ran a hand over it experimentally, frowning. Where was he? He drew his gaze up, jumping as he found Blue Diamond’s eyes peering at him, full of concern. Oh stars- He was in her hand. Next to her face.

“B- Blue!” he announced in surprise.

Strangely, though Steven was shocked, he didn’t feel the least bit concerned about resting on Blue’s enormous hand. In fact, it was almost comforting, seeing her fingers curled around him protectively. But he _should_ be worried… shouldn’t he?

“Pink,” Blue whispered, voice like honey, “are you hurt?”

Steven rubbed his eyes, clearing his head. “No, I’m fine,” he said. He actually meant it. He felt fine. Good, even.

A blush crept over his cheeks as he recalled the circumstances that led to him being cradled by Blue. What was he thinking? She would never hurt him. He should’ve just told her what a big mistake it was. In fact, that’s what he was going to do right now.

“I’m sorry Blue,” Steven said, looking down in shame. “I-”

Blue held her finger up before him, ceasing his speech.

“It’s okay now, Pink,” she said, her voice a song. “No one is going to hurt you here.”

Steven nodded. Of course no one would hurt him; Blue would keep him safe. Something nagged at the back of his mind. What was it? Oh, Blue Pearl.

“You’re not going to hurt Blue Pearl either, right?” Steven asked, already sure she wouldn’t.

“Of course not, Pink,” Blue said, her lips curving up in the tiniest sad smile. Steven smiled too.

He found himself unable to look away from the diamond, even as she dismissed the topazes back to their post. He should make sure Blue Pearl was okay… but Blue Diamond looked so sad. He wanted to make her happy. He should make her happy, right? He wanted to see her smile for real. He looked deeply into her eyes. They were so luminous, so beautiful- Wait.

Steven ripped his gaze from Blue’s face. This wasn’t right… He should be… afraid. But he wasn’t.

Blue moved, walking back up the steps, and Steven scooted over on her palm, grabbing a finger for support. He looked at the moodily-lit walls, the enormous pillars supporting the ceiling, jutting from a pool of water bigger than any he’d seen constructed, the bubbles of water flowing, suspended, along the edges of the steps, anything but her face. Blue stepped into the pool at the top of the steps- diamond-shaped, of course. She lowered herself, submerging her body up to the chest, leaving her arm (and Steven, still occupying her hand) resting along the edge. He could feel Blue looking at him.

Steven looked at the massive waterfalls backing the pool. “You really like water, don’t you?” he chuckled awkwardly. His head was still in the clouds, thoughts swimming aimlessly through his head.

He risked a glance at Blue’s face. She was smiling, though her eyes were still sad. Steven looked away again. Wasn’t he going to ask her something?

“Join me, Pink,” Blue said kindly, relaxing her fingers from the nest they’d made around Steven.

“Oh, okay!” Steven said, overlooking the misnomer.

He got up, stepping off her palm, but paused. He usually changed into his trunks before he went swimming. He didn’t know if the clothes he had now would get as waterlogged as normal, but decided to take off his shirt anyway. He regretted it instantly as he heard Blue gasp, and quickly tugged his shirt back down.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, embarrassed. He knew the diamonds thought humans were hideous, but he hadn’t expected her to be _that_ appalled.

“P-pink,” Blue said in a hush, appearing rattled, “your gem…”

Steven was confused. True, he hadn’t inspected his gem since he’d been on Homeworld, but if it was damaged wouldn’t Blue have known before he woke up? Besides, he wasn’t glitching like Amethyst did when her gem cracked. He pulled up his shirt anyway, looking at his gem; it glimmered perfectly at his navel, bringing back a slew of unwanted recollections. Then he realized Blue’s distress. Surrounding his gem were a series of cracks, webbing out in every direction like veins through marble. He ran his fingers over the lines hesitantly, expecting pain, but instead feeling nothing at all. The only sensation came from his hands, the sharpness of the cracks’ edges and the smooth, numb skin between them.

“It… doesn’t hurt?” Steven mused, unnerved. What did this mean? Steven looked up at Blue. “Is something wrong with me?”

Blue covered her mouth with her hand, tears flowing down her cheeks (and Steven’s, too). She was looking at Steven in horror, just like she had after he- He didn’t want to think about that. But… it made sense. Yellow had… so maybe… Was this the result? Some sort of gem-scar? He tugged his shirt down, suddenly hating Blue’s eyes on him. The world began to list in an all-too-familiar way.

Steven sat unsteadily on the nearest ledge, unfortunately being Blue’s hand, but immediately felt a wave of calm wash over him. So it _was_ her.

“It’s because of Yellow, isn’t it,” Steven deliberated. He didn’t expect an answer, but as Blue’s gaze turned downward, tears still running freely, she confirmed it.

“Will it go away?” he asked, feeling strangely detached, as if the ugly cracks across his abdomen were inconsequential, nothing more than a bad dream.

“I… don’t know,” Blue whispered. “I have to tell Yellow.”

“What!” Steven exclaimed, momentarily breaking through the blanket of calm. “Why? She’s the one that did this, _isn’t she_?”

“Pink,” Blue implored, “she might know what to do.” She reached out, stroking Steven’s head. It actually felt somewhat nice, when he wasn’t fearing for his life. “Everything will be alright, I promise.”

Blue lifted him up, leaving Steven to cling to her as his legs suddenly dangled fifty feet in the air. She stepped out of the pool, letting it drain behind her.

“Pearl,” Blue said, practically dashing down the steps. Steven was relieved to see Blue Pearl stood unharmed, waiting for them to return.

“My Diamond,” Blue Pearl replied, arms forming a delicate salute.

“Escort Pink back to her chambers.” She lowered Steven to the ground and he hopped off her hand. He instantly missed the sense of peace he’d had with her touch, yet found himself equally unsettled by her continued presence. Tears continued to cascade from his eyes. He shuddered, ill at ease with so many conflicting emotions and uncertain which were really his.

“Yes, My Diamond,” Blue Pearl said with a curtsy, ignoring a stream of tears making its way down her chin.

“…And Pearl,” Blue Diamond replied, straightening up to her usual imposing height, “stay with her.”

“Yes, My Diamond,” Blue Pearl repeated, waiting until the diamond was out of sight before turning to Steven.

She said nothing, but Steven could tell she was upset. Her movements were stiff- for her, which was still miles more graceful than most people’s. “I…” He started to apologize, before remembering how badly that had gone for him before. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he said, rubbing his arm anxiously.

“This way, Just Steven,” Blue Pearl said simply, leading him back the way he’d come. Steven knew it had only been a short time since he had left Pink’s room, but he felt like he’d experienced lifetimes.

“It’s Steven, not Just Steven,” he said absently, gripping his shirt over his gem, mind filled with worries.

“Of course, Pink Steven,” Blue Pearl stated. Steven sighed.

It wasn’t until the walls had once more changed from blue to pink that Steven remembered. He was going to ask about everyone on Earth! He wanted to smack himself, but settled for a heavy groan as he raised his palm to his forehead. Whatever Blue did to him back there, it was powerful stuff. That he would forget something so important…

“Hey… Blue Pearl?” Steven asked, not sure if he should bother her. He’d already put her through a lot; he wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want to talk.

“Yes, Pink Steven?” she replied, voice even and smooth, as if she’d already forgotten her near-shattering.

“Well… do you know what happened to the gems back on Earth?”

Blue Pearl kept walking. Steven had begun to think she wouldn’t answer at all when she finally spoke.

“There are no gems currently stationed on Earth.”

“No, I mean the Crystal Gems. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl? Peridot and Lapis? Bismuth? …Connie?” Even saying their names brought tears to his eyes, announcing their existence with a sharp sting. He squinted, blinking them away.

Blue Pearl walked in silence, making no indication that she’d heard Steven’s question.

“Please, I just-” his voice broke. “I need to know if they’re safe.”

They had reached Pink’s room, the door opening at their arrival. Only now did he notice the twin topazes standing guard outside the room, still and silent as stone. He gave them an awkward wave but, predictably, they didn’t respond. Blue Pearl stood just inside, waiting for him to enter. He was angry that she’d ignored his question like that… but he couldn’t blame her. She’d probably be shattered if she answered. Regardless, he couldn't help but sulk through the doorway, frustrated by the lack of information. He saw the pebbles’ furniture had vanished and sat heavily on the floor, though the spot immediately raised into a seat beneath him. He tucked his knees into his chest, curling his arms around them.

To Steven’s surprise the pearl followed him in, the door shutting again behind her. He remembered then: Blue Diamond had told her to stay with him. Blue Pearl moved to the balcony- Steven thought for a moment she might look out, but she merely drew the curtain closed, turning back to him. She walked over, footsteps soft and practiced, and stopped before him, arms poised, hands clasped in front of her. Steven waited for her to make a move; she clearly wanted something, willfully getting that close to him.

“Pink Steven, there is no record of any rebel gems being shattered during your retrieval from Earth,” Blue Pearl said, voice hardly more than a whisper. “Any such gems on the planet’s surface would have remained there, as My Diamond and Yellow Diamond returned urgently to Homeworld once you were found.”

Steven closed his eyes, feeling like he could breathe easily for the first time since he’d awoken. A heavy weight lifted from his shoulders. They were safe.

“Thank you,” he said in earnest.

Blue Pearl hesitated, a half-moment of tension. “There is no need to thank me, Pink Steven. I am simply fulfilling my duty to you, as My Diamond instructed.” She curtsied to him, moving gracefully to stand by the door.

Steven didn’t know quite what to make of the pearl. She was clearly dedicated to Blue, but she was difficult to read, even for him. He looked at the closed curtain, easily picturing White’s monumental visage looming behind it. He didn’t think for a moment her reply was purely out of duty. She’d obviously noticed his distress and answered him, even if it was something she didn’t want anyone overhearing. Steven watched the pearl, standing perfectly still, and thanked her mentally once more. He could relax now, if only a little, knowing that the Gems were safe. He just needed to focus on winning over Blue and Yellow, and then White, and he could go home.

“…Blue Pearl?” It felt off calling her that, a label more than a name, but he couldn’t just call her Pearl when that was _Pearl’s_ name, and Blue was reserved for Blue Diamond. Maybe he could give her a nickname, once they got to know each other better. He noticed Blue Pearl had turned towards him and belated realized she’d responded; he’d gotten lost in his thoughts and had forgotten to finish his question.

Steven cleared his throat, embarrassed. “Um, why was everyone so mad earlier- when I fell into you?” His brow furrowed as he recalled the incident. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“To impede the path of a diamond is inexcusable,” Blue Pearl said, matter-of-fact.

Steven felt disgusted as her words sunk in. Gems were shattered on Homeworld just for getting in a diamond’s way? That was horrible!

“But you didn’t ‘impede’ me, or whatever,” Steven protested. “ _I_ was the one who wasn’t paying attention. _I_ fell all over _you_!”

The pearl elaborated, voice a soft monotone, “It is every gem’s duty to uphold the dignity of a diamond. I was not attentive enough; I forced you into contact with me. I disgraced you and My Diamond and failed in my duty.”

Steven ground his palms into his forehead. “I just don’t- it _wasn’t_ your _fault!_ ” he groaned, frustrated. “And even if it was, to try to _shatter_ you-” A shiver ran through him, turning his voice quiet. “That’s horrible. No one deserves that.”

Blue Pearl bowed her head. “I apologize for causing you distress, Pink Steven.”

She just didn’t get it, did she. Steven frowned at her. He recognized a hint of something in her tone, her posture. She… was scared. Of _course_ she was scared, he had almost gotten her shattered! He hadn’t even been on Homeworld for a few hours (awake, at least) and already he was screwing things up! It was like the Crystal Gems all over again: constantly making mistakes, being ignored and criticized and Steven-you-should-know-better-ed. He was trying his best but it didn’t seem to matter. He felt small and powerless, afraid that instead of fixing things with the diamonds he would just wind up making things worse, putting the Gems - putting Earth - in even more danger. He didn’t know what to do, and it’s not like he could call up Earth and ask Garnet or Pearl for advice. He was alone. He had to figure this out himself; he just didn’t know how.

Steven felt eyes on him. He looked up, surfacing from the ocean of his thoughts, and found Blue Pearl watching him (at least, he assumed she was, since her eyes remained hidden behind her hair). She turned her head forward again at Steven’s glance.

“Shall I entertain you, Pink Steven?” she mused, holding her formal posture.

“What? -No,” Steven blurted, abruptly remembering that pearls were built to serve other gems, “you don’t need to do that, really.” It was uncomfortable, to have Blue Pearl act so… ingratiated towards him. He’d gotten her in so much trouble and yet she was still trying to please him. He needed to put a stop to this, let her know she meant just as much as he did. He stood up, taking a step to the side.

Steven gestured to his now-vacant seat. “Why don’t you sit down? Uh,” he directed his gaze to the floor, “pebbles, could you make another chair, please?”

A flurry of movement later and two seats sat, side-by-side. Blue Pearl hadn’t moved, but she was looking at him again.

“Thanks, pebbles,” Steven said, though they remained hidden. The silence stretched awkwardly and he sat, cheeks flushing as he looked away. Did he break another one of Homeworld’s rules? Were pearls not allowed something as simple as sitting down?

“Not that you have to! -Sit, that is,” Steven stammered. “It’s just, you look really uncomfortable standing like that.” Did gems even get uncomfortable? Amethyst always liked to relax, but she wasn’t exactly a textbook model for Homeworld gems.

Blue Pearl was still watching him. He patted the seat next to him, flashing her an encouraging smile. She looked so sad and lonely, standing by herself. If she would just relax, open up a little, he was sure she’d be much happier.

Blue Pearl briefly turned her head towards the curtain before making her way to the seat. She lowered herself into it slowly, without looking at Steven. He resisted the urge to pepper her with questions. She’d been uncomfortable enough telling him the Gems were safe, and her state had only gotten worse since then, her shoulders now hunched in slightly, perched on the very edge of the seat. She didn’t look the least bit comfortable.

Steven kicked his heels against the floor, trying to fill the silence. “So… Is this… okay?”

“I don’t understand the point of this,” Blue Pearl said delicately, hands clasped in her lap. She still didn’t look at him.

“Oh, that’s okay!” Steven said, doing his best to remain encouraging. “Sometimes it’s nice just to sit down for a bit. You know, take a break?”

It seemed Blue Pearl didn’t know, as she didn’t answer. Fortunately for the tattered shreds of Steven’s attempt at conversation, though not for Steven himself, a familiar chime filled the room. Blue Pearl rose instantly, tiptoeing back to her position by the door. He wished he’d had more time with her, but then again… he hadn’t exactly gotten far with the time he had.

The door slid open, this time revealing Yellow Pearl. Yellow Diamond wanted to see him already? Steven knew he _needed_ to talk to the diamonds in order to clear up the mess he was in, but that didn’t mean he _wanted_ to be near them, _especially_ Yellow. He had absolutely no desire to discuss his weird gem-centered blemish with anyone on Homeworld, let alone her.

“Pink Diamond, My Diamond has requested your presence in the tasking chamber,” Yellow Pearl said with a strangely forced smile, arms crossed in a salute.

 _Great_ , Steven thought, his inner tone turning sarcastic in his reluctance, _here we go again._

Still, he rose, following Yellow Pearl out and once more down a maze of hallways. He noted that Blue Pearl tagged along, walking a respectable distance behind them both. He wasn’t surprised: she _had_ been told to stay with him, after all.

Back down monochrome pink halls, then yellow, and Steven caught sight of more gems embedded in the walls. He looked at them as they whispered, but decided against greeting them this time. Homeworld had too many rules; he didn’t want anyone else to get hurt because of his ignorance.

Eventually the halls grew in height, becoming diamond-sized, and a moment later two raised voices caught Steven’s ear. He frowned but picked up his pace, taking the lead from a startled Yellow Pearl. The voices grew distinct as he got closer, solidifying into a heated argument between Blue and Yellow.

“Oh, so this is my fault? Because of course, every mess falls to me to clean up!” Yellow shouted, only slightly quieter than a sonic boom.

“Why can’t you just admit that you hurt her, Yellow?” Blue cried, voice holding only slightly less intensity.

Steven rounded a corner, seeing two topazes before an enormous door, every bit as ornate as Blue’s water chamber had been but decidedly _Yellow,_ both in color and style _._ The twin topazes looked tense yet remained perfectly still, stoutly ignoring the ground-shaking argument from the two titans, emanating beyond the threshold.

“Because that _thing_ was not Pink, Blue! You’re being absurd, blowing all of this out of proportion!” Yellow’s voice echoed. “For all we know the damage was done before we even found her!”

Steven stopped before the door. He’d wanted to stop the argument but now that he was here, he found himself longing to be anywhere else. Unfortunately, it was only a moment before Yellow Pearl caught up to him, opening the door with a poorly-concealed grimace.

The door slid to the side, revealing the diamonds’ powerful forms. Blue stopped mid-retort, finger jabbed accusingly towards Yellow, and both diamonds looked down upon Steven. They were furious, the force of their combined anger causing him to take an involuntary step back. He gulped. A moment of silence ensued before Yellow opened her mouth, and Steven suddenly found his voice.

“You guys look really busy. I’ll… just come back later!” He took another step back, making to turn away, when-

“Come in, Pink,” Yellow hissed, jaw clenched. Her tone booked no objections.

Steven felt as though he was walking to his own execution, stepping through that door. He, in a rather morbid fit of humor, thought that wasn’t very far off reality, either. He stared down at his toes, caught in the gaze of the two godlike gems as he hovered just inside the doorway. The pearls walked in behind him, standing dutifully to the side. They seemed none-too-pleased with the situation, but right now Steven envied their position - anyone’s position that wasn’t his, being observed like a bothersome insect. The door closed behind him with a snap that made him flinch, sealing his fate.

“So, I guess this isn’t a courtesy call?” Steven asked nervously, throwing in half a chuckle for good measure. He was stalling, he knew, but even thinking about that evening on the beach had him feeling weak and shaky. He couldn’t talk about it, not here, with Yellow looming over his head like a hawk.

“What is a-” Blue began, only to shake her head. “Never mind. Pink, show Yellow your gem.” Her voice was soft now, but still demanding.

Steven hesitated, but as Yellow began to move toward him he yanked his shirt up, revealing the web of fissures surrounding his gem. A strained silence fell and Steven, feeling horribly vulnerable, wished desperately that the diamonds would say something, anything, to break it. Finally he looked up, searching out their faces. He found Blue wiping her eyes as Yellow stared, mouth a hard line. The latter closed her eyes, bringing a hand to her brow in exasperation.

“How among the stars did you manage _this,_ Pink?” Yellow threw out her hand to accentuate her statement, doing nothing to alleviate Steven’s reservations.

Steven pulled his shirt down. Yet another thing that was his fault, as if Yellow hadn’t been the one to- _Not thinking about that._

“Yellow!” Blue hissed, and the other diamond turned angrily toward her.

“Blue, you can’t honestly expect me to believe that-!”

“Stop!” Steven shouted, immediately regretting his outburst as all eyes were once again on him. “Please, don’t fight,” he mumbled pitifully.

“Oh Pink,” Blue said, stooping down to peer at him, “don’t worry, we’re not angry with you.” Yellow looked very much like she resented that statement. “Just tell us how it happened.”

Steven hesitated once more and Blue continued, “It… was it those ‘Crystal Gems,’ on Earth?” Her voice grew hard. “Did they hurt you?”

“Of course not!” Steven protested. He thought at least Blue was behind him, but apparently she’d now sided with Yellow. “They’re my friends! They would never hurt me!” Disregarding all the times they’d tried to kill him _before_ they were friends… And the times he’d almost died on missions, or when Pearl had tried to take him into space, among others… a lot of others. But they would never mean to hurt him!

Blue and Yellow shared a heavy glance.

“Then how did this happen, Pink?” Yellow asked, impatience coloring her tone. “Who did this to you?”

“ _Who-?”_ Steven choked out incredulously. “ _You_ did! You tore my gem out of-!” He couldn’t continue, breath caught like ice in his chest as the world shrank away, hovering far below, a memory of a dream. He vaguely noticed he was trembling, arms clutched over his stomach and hands knotted in his shirt.

He only barely managed to tune in to Yellow’s next words. “This is _ridiculous_ , Pink! Why did you embed yourself in that _thing,_ that _organic_ in the first place! You should be thankful you’re not trapped in that repulsive creature any longer!”

Steven’s breath came in gasps, his hands tightening into fists. “ _Trapped?_ The only place I’m _trapped_ is _here_! You won’t even _talk_ to me about Earth! About my friends! About what you _did_ -!” The rest of his words died on his lips.

He heard a voice begin to reply, but couldn’t be bothered to discern who it belonged to. He didn’t want to hear any more of their contempt, their lies. His whole body prickled with rage; tears filled his eyes. “ _Shut up!_ ” he shouted, his voice cracking like a whip through the still room.

He staggered, the ground suddenly uneven, and looked down in confusion. The floor beneath his feet was broken, blown apart as if from a powerful blast. Vicious cracks ran across floors, walls, and columns alike, and he stood directly at the epicenter of the chaos. Even the diamonds had been staggered by the explosion, Blue clinging to a mostly-unblemished column while Yellow squared her feet and narrowed her eyes.

“Did I…?” he whispered, reality crashing back around him in a thousand spinning shards. This must be his doing… but how? He’d never done anything like this before. He didn’t _want_ to do anything like this.

“That is enough, Pink!” Yellow’s enraged voice sounded. Blue hesitantly tried to intervene, but Yellow was having none of it. “You are out of control! I thought you might have learned to take responsibility for your actions, but your time on Earth has clearly only encouraged your intolerable behavior!”

Blue attempted to cut in again, but Yellow kept talking over her. “The fact remains that you are _damaged_ , Pink.” She kneaded her brows in agitation, her anger finally restrained under Blue’s disapproving stare. “What White will think when she hears this…”

Blue’s face fell, turning pained. “We can’t let her know. There must be something you can do, Yellow.” Her voice was imploring but hushed, as if trying not to be overheard. Steven thought it was a little late for that.

Yellow turned away with a huff. “I can only do so much, Blue.” Blue placed an understanding hand on her shoulder, and the pair shared a tense sigh.

Steven wasn’t quite sure how he was still standing. As it was his limbs felt fuzzy, tingling uncomfortably like they’d fallen asleep. A faint ringing pressed against his eardrums, crowding out his thoughts. He’d yelled at the diamonds, blown up the floor, and made Blue start crying again, and that was only in the past couple minutes. He didn’t dare to move, taking a few long, quaking breaths in the moments he had away from the diamonds’ gaze. All of this was his fault. He was supposed to help the diamonds, not antagonize them. But every time he saw those cold, crystalline eyes…

“I… I’m sorry,” he said at last. His fingers clutched the edges of his gem, solid and reassuring through his shirt, a tether to a reality that was quickly slipping away from him. “I know you didn’t mean to… If you’d known you never would’ve…” He let out a shaky breath. A sense of dread kept him talking, the mention of Homeworld’s final diamond. “What would White do if she knew…?” He didn’t finish the sentence, but he knew Blue and Yellow understood his intent. His eyes flicked nervously to their faces.

The pair didn’t look at each other, though they mirrored the same closed, anxious expression. A shiver ran down Steven’s spine. Who exactly was White? If her discipline was bad enough to make the _diamonds_ scared… He was as good as shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve always found grief, resignation, and adoration to be very similar emotions. After all, tears can signify many things.
> 
> I'm aware the rendition of Steven thus far is very angsty, but I assure you it's purposeful. Dying tends to be fairly traumatic, as a rule. We'll see the reasoning more in depth later.


	4. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thanks for all the wonderful comments and kudos! They’re very appreciated!
> 
> Upcoming Content Warning: Going forward there will be multiple instances of emotional & psychological abuse (because, y’know, the diamonds) as well as canon torture methods [e.g. Pink’s isolation chamber (Which is super awful?? Gems use light as an energy source so they were possibly starving her as well??)]. Also, Steven’s decreasing mental fortitude will result in some dark/self-defeating thoughts (mostly blaming himself for things that aren’t his fault, poor dear).  
> Chapter Warning: This chapter contains a description of a panic attack in addition to the above.  
> Please stay safe and respect your limits when engaging in sensitive content. -Though it will get better for Steven eventually, I assure you! He’s always had a knack for making friends~

Steven was staring at his hands. Hands that he’d only just realized were perfectly symmetrical. Back when he’d… been human, nothing about him had been so constant. His left hand’s fingers had always been just a little longer than his right’s, his nose was shaped different on either side, as were his eyebrows and ears. He’d changed and learned and grew from the (sometimes annoying) little kid he used to be. But now everything was the same: a linear path into an uncertain but predictable future. Being human meant being imperfect. Being a gem, not so much.

Blue Pearl had led him back from his abysmal meeting with the diamonds (ended with rushed placations from Blue that “Everything will be fine,” and, more annoyingly, “You need to calm down,”) and now stood dutifully by the door. She seemed to have relaxed a little, her hands not so tightly clenched together, and Steven decided to pose a question he’d been sitting on.

“Blue Pearl…?” She turned to him. “Do you know what she was like? -Pink Diamond?” There was a silence that the pearl made no move to fill. “What did she do here? Did she have a job, or did she just sit around all day while the other diamonds did stuff? And what’s the deal with White? Where is she? Why is everyone so scared of her?” He flopped back onto the slab of floor currently serving as a bed. “I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do.”

“You are Pink Diamond,” Blue Pearl whispered, coming to stand next to him. Her words almost, but not quite, formed a question.

“But I’m _not_ ,” Steven moaned. “I’m trying to make things right, because I know my mom did a lot of awful things and she’s gone, so I have to fix them, but I’m not her! I can’t be her, no matter how much everyone wants me to be!” His throat grew tight, but he pressed on, “I always thought, maybe someday, if something h-happened to me,” he stuttered, blinking back an image of dark sand, the taste of blood on his tongue- “mom might come back… but it’s just me. My gem- she’s _gone_. Forever. I just don’t understand… Why did she make me? Why did she leave everyone she cared about behind? I know she fought to keep Earth safe, to keep the gems that lived there safe, but did she ever care about how they felt? About how much she hurt everyone?” Steven stopped, surprised to find tears on his cheeks. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he choked.

He wiped his arm over his face, sniffling. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to listen to this,” he directed at Blue Pearl, still hovering near him. “You probably hate me; I almost got you shattered. I wouldn’t blame you.” He sniffled again, aware of how pathetic he was being. He hadn’t meant to bring this up- Blue Pearl was just so quiet and his thoughts were so _loud_. He couldn’t think of anything else to say and the silence was just as unbearable, filled with memories that stuck to him like tar, dragging him down and down into cold dark guilt. Since he’d been taken to Homeworld his thoughts had seemed to pace around the same tired tracks, stirring dusty questions that had no answers. If his mind had a floor, he was sure he’d worn holes through it by now.

A sudden presence startled him, bringing him back to reality. He looked over, finding Blue Pearl had taken a seat next to him, watching him intently, eyes barely visible in the shadow of her fringe. Her gaze held a surprising amount of emotion, but as to its nature, Steven couldn’t say.

“I’m sure My Diamond will find a way to return your memories,” Blue Pearl said quietly, voice devoid of the conflict in her eyes. “Everyone is relieved you have returned to Homeworld.”

Steven sighed, looking away, attention caught by decorative pink bubbles as they bobbed against the ceiling, shimmering in the light. He stuck his hand under his shirt, fingers catching on the deep lines surrounding his gem. The diamonds didn’t seem relieved, they seemed angry. They wanted Pink, not him, and he obviously wasn’t living up to their expectations.

Surprisingly, Blue Pearl spoke again. “White Diamond cares very much for you. You have always been of… interest… to her.” Her fingers shifted slightly, retightening their clasp on each other. “She may have already been informed of your situation.”

“You mean Blue and Yellow told her?” Steven asked. He continued, sullenly, “I thought they didn’t want anyone to know I was _broken_.”

Blue Pearl tensed. “Very little can be withheld from White Diamond,” she stated cryptically, voice hardly more than a whisper, “even when it may be… beneficial.”

Steven frowned. Did that mean they didn’t tell White? “…Did you tell her?” he questioned.

Blue Pearl stiffened, her voice an offended gasp. “I would never betray the trust of My Diamond.” It was the most emotion he’d heard from her; she must truly be loyal to Blue.

Steven’s frown deepened. He felt like he was missing something. He decided to just throw it out there and ask. “I don’t get it. Why are you telling me this?”

“White Diamond is flawless,” the pearl replied ominously. “She does not tolerate disappointment.”

“And how would I not… disappoint her?” Steven prodded, not liking where this seemed to be going, but needing to know nonetheless.

A silence ensued, then Blue Pearl stood. Steven thought for a moment she would leave, but instead she spoke again.

“Whatever you have done on… Earth…” she grimaced at the planet’s name, “it would best be forgotten.”

Steven protested, “I can’t just forget about-!” but Blue Pearl interrupted him, for once speaking with force, and Steven was startled into silence.

“You are a Diamond,” she intoned, message clear. “My Diamond does not wish to upset you… She cares for you above all.” She hesitated, wringing her hands before they settled back to impassivity. “White Diamond is not happy. It is not my place to say… but your games have ceased to amuse her.” She turned towards him for the first time since she’d started to speak. “My Diamond has grieved long enough.” There was a silent plea in her voice, and pieces began to fit together in Steven’s mind.

“You mean…” Steven said with rising horror, “White will shatter me, if I don’t do what she wants?” He had considered the possibility, but to have it confirmed was worse. He couldn’t help the shudder that ran through him.

Blue Pearls lips thinned into a fine line. “You are precious to all gems. White Diamond would not do such a thing.”

“Then _what?_ ” Steven asked, a little desperate. Why wouldn’t she just tell him? What could be worse than _shattering?_

Blue Pearl struggled for a moment, turning her head away as her hands twisted in her skirt. Finally, she swept up her fringe, raising one hand to tap the lid of her left eye, her right locked with Steven’s with an intensity that left him stunned. Steven made to question, not understanding the gesture in the least, but Blue Pearl turned away, stoically resuming her position by the door. It was clear the conversation was over.

Steven was left more confused than ever, but if this pearl reacted anything like his Pearl did, he didn’t want to push the matter. It looked like she’d been ordered not to talk about it, whatever _it_ was. He didn’t know how much more bad news he could take, anyway. Yet, it was almost nice to know that Blue Pearl was at least _trying_ to look out for him, if in her own weird, Homeworldy way. Almost. He grimaced, then sighed. More questions he couldn’t answer.

“I guess the tasking room really lived up to its name,” Steven murmured, giving a small chuckle as he tried to reinitiate a conversation. The noise fell flat in the room. He spared a glance at Blue Pearl, not surprised to find her watching him. “You know, because it was _tasking_ being in there.”

He would’ve sworn the corner of Blue Pearl’s mouth twitched but, then again, it could’ve been a figment of his imagination. Regardless, Steven smiled too. It was a small, tight smile, but the familiar motion relaxed his face in a pleasant way, surfacing memories of home.

How he wished he was home.

“You really care about Blue Diamond, don’t you?” Steven mused. He didn’t receive an answer, but then he didn’t really expect one. He may be considered a ‘diamond,’ but Blue Pearl showed no obligation to answer to him, unlike Blue Diamond. He sat up, holding his arms close in a facsimile of comfort.

“I have people I care about too, back on Earth.” He saw Blue Pearl stand a little straighter. “I know you think I should just forget about them, but I can’t.” He looked beseechingly at his strange companion, begging her to understand. “Even if you were separated from Blue Diamond, you couldn’t just forget about her, right? My friends are the same to me. Even if they’re far away, I still care about them. I still want to keep them safe. Even if I never see them again.” He let his thought lie, feeling himself starting to tear up again. He swallowed against the dull sting in his eyes; he couldn’t afford spend any more time crying.

Blue Pearl looked to the closed curtains. Even without saying anything, it was clear what she was thinking. “I’ll be careful around White, I promise,” Steven said. “I know the diamonds and I haven’t gotten off to the best start, but I’m going to do my best to change that.” Even if it was the last thing he did.

Steven sighed, getting up. He was exhausted, but not in a way that required sleep. He walked to the hidden wall-door; it opened before him, no doubt thanks to the pebbles. He couldn’t help but stare in awe as the doorway’s edges curled outward, even having seen it before. Homeworld was so full of beauty… and secrets.

He walked down the twisting hallway, a little surprised when he looked back and found Blue Pearl absent. It seemed she’d stayed by the door. He felt relieved, not being watched, but the empty spot in his chest grew as her absence served to reinforce how alone he was. Steven hopped up on the stool in front of his mom’s table, avoiding his reflection as he tapped the screen into life. The pictures flashed back to existence, showing the diamonds smiling, together. He was beginning to doubt things were ever as happy as the snapshots suggested.

He swiped through some more images, smiling at a few of his mom playing with the pebbles. White was present in very few of the pictures; it seemed Pink spent most of her time with Blue and Yellow. It didn’t surprise Steven, since he hadn’t even _seen_ White yet. It occurred to him that, despite being family, White might not have cared for Pink in the same way the other diamonds did. He didn’t know how to feel about that. Looking at these pictures of his mom, before Earth - before _Rose_ \- was strange. He drank in every scrap of information surrounding her, this enigmatic icon of two worlds, someone he’d never known yet had to live up to. But, as much as he yearned for more, the knowledge he gained brought his turbulent feelings tumbling to the surface, tearing into his already-ruined heart. What would his mom say, seeing him here now, in the very place she tried so hard to forget? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Steven tugged on one of his curls, anxiously twirling the end around his finger. He swiped the pictures away, bringing up what seemed to be a menu screen. Words in gem glyph hung under little boxed icons, connected in a web of lines. Steven groaned; he’d started trying to learn the gem language after the whole Centipeedle issue (to Pearl’s delight), but he hadn’t gotten far. He studied the glyphs, sounding out possibilities as he attempted to pry their meanings from the depths of his memory. Strangely, the further he got in translation, the more they formed a theme. Decoration, guests, music… was his mom really into parties or something? He tapped the ‘decoration’ icon, surprised to find an array of images, from color palettes to cloth swatches, crystal inlay and more, accompanied by short paragraphs that he didn’t even attempt to make sense of.

Steven’s brow furrowed. He thought Pink Diamond was supposed to do galactic dictator stuff: conquering star systems, terraforming planets… not planning parties. But then Earth _had_ been Pink’s first colony. Was this truly all she did before then? Sitting here in empty rooms, organizing celebrations for other people’s accomplishments? That couldn’t be. He backed out to the main menu, finding similarly-organized lists under the other icons, but nothing more. It reminded him rather uncannily of a more elaborate, gemish version of his wedding scrapbook, and a knot of discomfort wormed its way into his gut.

He was flicking through a list of foreign gems, entranced as he decoded their specific facets, cuts, and cabochons, when a voice nearly startled him out of his skin.

“Pink Steven,” Blue Pearl’s voice inquired, a whisper behind him.

Steven twisted with a startled yelp, knocking his stool off-balance in the process. He clutched the table’s edge, fighting to keep the seat from tipping over, eventually managing to fumble it to rights with his feet. He looked up to find Blue Pearl tense, sporting more of a grimace than a frown.

“I apologize for intruding, Pink Steven,” Blue Pearl spoke. Steven opened his mouth, wanting to reassure her that she was hardly intruding, but she continued, “but My Diamond has requested my presence.”

“Oh,” Steven replied, crestfallen. She hadn’t exactly been great company, but she was still more heartening than the diamonds had been. “Okay,” he stated. It’s not like he could ask her to stay, with Blue being the one who called for her. She would probably be relieved to get back to Blue- to get away from him.

Blue Pearl saluted, somehow managing to make the harsh tangle of limbs appear fluid, before turning away. She drifted down the hall, turned the corner, and vanished from sight, seeming to take Steven’s optimism with her. He turned back to the screen, sighed, and gave up, emptiness blooming once more in his chest. Even if he could translate the meatier paragraphs, it was just a series of party lists. It wouldn’t help him convince a trio of dictators to stop destroying planets and return him to Earth. It wouldn’t even help him get past the door to his- _Pink’s_ room.

He was about to hop down when a square hole appeared in the floor, a number of pebbles rushing out to fawn over him.

“Hey you guys,” Steven smiled, looking down at the giggling gems. “What have you been up to?”

“Us pebbles have been waiting for you, Pink!” one pebble called out joyously, clinging to his pantleg.

Steven laughed, awkwardly. How was he supposed to respond to that? These gems (and practically every other Homeworld gem, it seemed) wanted nothing more than to wait on him, hand and foot. They seemed almost oblivious to their own wants, their own lives. It was disturbing, to say the least.

Steven gave the gems another smile, lifting a struggling pebble up to his shoulder as he suppressed another sigh. _Keep it together, Steven,_ he chastised himself. He couldn’t afford a repeat performance of his last meeting with the diamonds.

Speaking of, he still didn’t know what exactly had blown that hole in the floor. He knew it was most likely him… but he didn’t want to believe it. He’d always used his powers to heal, to protect. This was nothing like that. The blast had been powerful, uncontrolled, violent; it scared him. He didn’t want to be responsible for something so… monstrous.

Steven shook his head, pushing the thought from his mind. Even if it _was_ him, there was nothing he could do about it except tamp down the emotions he’d been feeling at the time. A solution easier said than done, when said emotions were trying to eat him alive.

Steven hopped off the stool with an exasperated groan, legs taking him back to the main room. He paced to the door, shooting it a glare (that, predictably, did nothing), then over to the curtains, throwing them open with more force than strictly necessary. He looked out over the balcony, but the monument to White’s gleaming face stared back, sending a shiver down his spine. He turned back inside again, twitching the curtains shut behind him, a taut ball of nervous energy keeping his legs in movement as he swept from one side of the room to the other.

Steven hated this. His dad would reprimand him for the ‘four-letter word,’ but Steven couldn’t bring himself to care. His dad wasn’t here. He hated this. Both true statements.

He didn’t know how much longer he could stomach this arrangement, placed at the beck and call of gems that could kill him with barely a thought, exiled to an empty room when his presence didn’t suit them. Which was always. Because he wasn’t Pink. And when they finally realized that... When they finally understood that Pink was dead and he was all that was left: a broken, useless afterimage of what used to be…

Steven’s eyes stung and he paused, leaning his forehead against the wall, taking a steadying breath. A familiar slab opened and Steven acquiesced, resting his chin in the alcove the pebbles had made. He sighed, offering the gems a miserable attempt at a smile.

“What’s wrong, Pink?” a pebble, clad only in a yellow hat, asked.

A few pebbles crowded around his face, touching him gently. They showed such genuine concern that Steven couldn’t bring himself to resent the misnomer. After all, he _did_ have Pink’s gem.

“I’m fine, pebbles, don’t worry,” Steven said. The lie came easier than it should’ve.

The pebbles giggled, tugging playfully on his hair as they took his statement as fact. Steven carefully extricated his face from the hole in the wall, pressing his back to it and sliding down to sit. A seat rose instantly beneath him. He looked to the closed door, lamenting his inability to perform even the simplest tasks. He needed a plan. He needed to get out of here. But how? He might as well be a prisoner, despite Blue’s assurances that he was ‘safe’ and ‘home’. He scoffed at the thought. As if.

His fingers caught against the facets of his gem, prominent despite the barrier of his shirt, and Steven stretched out his legs in thought. He needed to fix the injury surrounding his gem, as much as he needed to fix his relationship with the diamonds. But how could he…? _Oh._

Steven smacked himself, letting out a huff of annoyance. Duh! He could heal! How had he not thought of this before now?

Hastily, Steven pressed a wet kiss to his hand, pulling up his shirt to observe the progress. But nothing happened, the shallow cracks still fanning out like roots, unchanged. Frowning, Steven licked his fingers, rubbing his spit against his gem. Nothing. He tried again, this time applying his now-dubiously magical spit to the cracks themselves. Still, nothing. _Why wasn’t it working?_

He needed to test this: see if his healing powers had really deserted him. He shot up, heading back into the mirror room when he found nothing suitably breakable in the vicinity. He hopped up on the stool, noting the odd gem-flower once more. Perfect. He reached out a hand, then hesitated, an inch away from its stem. Could he really do this? This was his mom’s… what if his powers really were gone? What if he couldn’t fix it?

Steven shook his head. It’d been sitting here for thousands of years, untouched. No one would miss it if he ended up breaking it. One hand, then the other closed around the stem, applying just the right amount of pressure - it was sturdier than he thought - and after a moment the stalk snapped, a clean break. He caught the severed bloom as it fell, suddenly nervous. _Moment of truth, Steven,_ he thought. He held the stem’s edges together and wet his fingers, drawing them against the fractured area, breath stilled, body taut with anticipation. For a moment he thought nothing would happen, but then the break closed, fusing perfectly back to a whole.

Steven blinked, taking a closer look. Sure enough, the damage was completely repaired, not even a hint of a crack remaining. But then… why hadn’t it worked on his injury? Could it truly not be healed? What did that mean? He gave himself one last kiss to check, but no, the cracks remained.

Steven dropped his head into his hands. There were so many unknowns, so many problems he couldn’t solve. Was he truly, irreversibly broken? Would this scar plague him forever, an unceasing reminder of the end of his human life? He didn’t know if he could handle that. Yet, he had to. He had to be strong, for Earth, for the Gems, for his family. He had to get back to them. He had to keep them safe.

Steven didn’t know how much later it was that a familiar chime startled him out of his thoughts. He froze, debating the risk of staying hidden in the secret room, before brushing off the selfish desire. He _needed_ to talk to the diamonds. Everything that had happened was just an accident- a misunderstanding. It wasn’t their fault. He could still fix this. He _would_ fix this.

It was with that thought in mind that he made his way back to the main room, just in time for the door to slide open. Once more he found himself in front of Blue Diamond, peering down at him through eyes like fallen stars, and he fought back the pressing desire to turn and run. _You can do this, Steven,_ he told himself, plastering on a smile.

Blue caught his eye and smiled. “Pink, there you are,” she said fondly.

 _Where else would I be,_ Steven thought, a flicker of anger running through him, but refrained from saying such. “Yeah… here I am,” he laughed, more than a little forced.

Blue hesitated, and Steven had a feeling whatever came next wouldn’t be good.

“Pink, I’ve sent for someone to tend to your…” her hand stretched out as she searched for an appropriate word, “damage.”

He was right, it wasn’t good. He’d already determined it couldn’t be healed; what more could some Homeworld gem do? Just the thought of someone looking at- _touching_ his gem… He felt his insides go cold. He couldn’t deal with this, not now, but _especially_ not with Blue looming over him.

“You really don’t-” Steven began, but the door opened once more, revealing Blue Pearl… and someone else.

A gem he’d never seen before entered the room, prim and businesslike, immediately saluting Blue. She was tall (well, tall compared to Blue Pearl), lean, with her circular gem lying just below her sternum. She was about the same coloration as aquamarine, but sporting gold freckles and bands across her body, clothed in a blue sleeveless jumpsuit, augmented by low-hanging strips of cloth in the front and back. Looking at her, the word sophisticated came to mind.

“Turquoise, tend to her,” Blue ordered the gem, a wave of her hand indicating Steven. Steven blanched.

“It’s really fine, Blue,” he protested, hands flying as his mind raced to find an excuse not to be ‘tended to,’ whatever that meant, “you didn’t need to go to all this trouble.”

“ _What_ about this is fine?” Blue replied, exasperated. “Just let the turquoise do her job, and this will all be over with.”

The gem- _turquoise_ advanced, eyes roving over Steven curiously, her gaze lingering on the most common placements of gems, obviously trying to find his. He stiffened. There was _no way_ he was letting anyone _anywhere_ near his gem. She turned back to Blue for a moment, pursing her lips.

“My Diamond, may I ask what type of gem this is?” the turquoise queried, her voice melodic in a way that would’ve been soothing, had he heard it in any other scenario.

Blue blinked in surprise, then bristled. “She is _Pink Diamond,_ ” she snapped, her tone making the turquoise’s breach of etiquette readily apparent.

The turquoise froze, head snapping back to Steven, eyes wide with shock. She practically fell into a salute, stammering, “M-my Diamond! I apologize for my indiscretion! It is truly an honor to be in your most illuminating presence.”

Steven cringed. He saw Blue Diamond turn to her pearl with a flash of eyes and a frown, wordlessly demanding an explanation.

Blue Pearl answered, unphased, “My Diamond, you instructed me not to inform Turquoise of the nature of her services. I had not anticipated Pink Diamond’s appearance causing confusion. Would you like me to explain?”

Blue relaxed, seeming satisfied. “No, I’m sure she understands the situation now.” She directed her next words to the turquoise, clipped and commanding, “Word of Pink’s… affliction is not to leave this room, understood?”

“Perfectly, My Diamond,” the turquoise replied, bowing so low she was practically touching the floor.

Turquoise turned once more to Steven, smiling politely as she advanced further, but paused, confused, as Steven stepped back. She looked between him and Blue, conflicted as to how to proceed.

“Blue, this _really_ isn’t necessary,” Steven added, now that eyes were back on him.

“Continue, Turquoise,” Blue directed, gaze barely flicking over Steven, a silent petition to _behave_.

A flicker of fear ran through him, making him retreat another few steps. “No, really, I mean it! Whatever you want her to do, it’s not even gonna work!”

“Pink,” Blue began, a reprimand, but Steven interrupted.

“Why don’t we just call this off and forget about it? I’m sure it’ll go away on its own if we give it some time!” he insisted with forced cheer, though it sounded a step away from hysterics to his ears.

Steven was shaking now, breaths shallow. Turquoise seemed to realize something was wrong, taking a step back as she looked at him with- worry? fear? Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

Blue opened her mouth.

“No, I- it’s fine, really!” Steven sputtered. He tried to keep his voice light, to push back the panic, but it only accentuated his desperation. “You don’t need to worry! It’s not that big a deal!”

“Pink, _please_ ,” Blue’s voice was impatient, filled with reproach, left somewhere between irritation and exasperation. She’d clearly had enough of his excuses.

His gaze, searching, helpless, flicked to Blue Pearl, standing still and proper in Blue Diamond’s wake. He wondered what she’d seen, always present, never acting, a shadow in a room of beings beyond reproach. How many times had she looked on as gems were shattered? How many times had she stood by, still and silent and always, always loyal, as horrors were wrought before her? Did she even care? Did she feel this fear as he did, coiled about his gem like a strangling vine? Did she truly love her diamond, _truly_ desire to serve her so unquestioningly, or was she just playing along, too afraid to act out? Too afraid to die?

He shouldn’t have let his mind travel these paths. Everything was crowding in around him again, at once too empty and too close. His breath quickened. Blue Diamond towered over him, a menacing, unfeeling statue with a presence the weight of oceans, her eyes cold and flashing with anger, filling the room with dread, sickly and suffocating. Her hand reached out, and it was the same hand that tore his dad from the planet’s surface, whisking him away- _Steven would never see him again- If only he’d never come here-_ The same hand that would have shattered Garnet- Ruby- Sapphire- his friends- _Lars, dead in his arms-_ _His fault-_ his family- _Poofed, because of him, because he couldn’t protect them-_ The beach- his gem, torn from his stomach, his body cast aside like a broken doll- Blood, dark and red, spilling, pooling on the sand- Connie crying- Dying- _dying-!_ A hand, too close, too large, too murderous- He couldn’t think- couldn’t breathe- _DON’T TOUCH ME!_

Steven was on his knees, panting and sobbing, eyes wide but unseeing, pressed back against the wall. He blinked, trembling, and found his view obscured by pink. No- not obscured, tinted. He blinked again, willing the world to focus through his tears, looking down to find his arm- _so pink, so inhuman-_ outstretched, a familiar thrum resonating in his gem. A bubble? He dropped his arm, sagging in relief as the exhausted limb was freed. He looked up once more, feeling the strain as his eyes adjusted, bringing the bubble surrounding him into focus at last. Only, it wasn’t a bubble, at least not the smooth, round one he’d always summoned. No, this bubble was faceted, geometric, a haphazard interlocking of triangles and diamonds, bleeding away into the wall behind him. He scrubbed at his eyes, but when he opened them once more nothing had changed. Or rather, the changes remained the same, leaving the gears in his mind jumping tracks as he tried and failed to comprehend them.

Abruptly, Steven remembered how, exactly, he’d come to be cowering in the corner. _Oh no._ Blue had been- His gaze snapped up, taking in the rigid form of the gem matriarch, not towering before him, but pressed heavily against the opposing wall. There was anger in her face, but hurt and tears overshadowed it. He frowned, realizing she was clutching one hand with the other, pressed to her chest, shielding it as if wounded. Could a diamond be wounded? His lips parted, a question, a concern, before his mind acknowledged the rest of the room. He froze, a still sense of terror numbing his limbs, draining his clouded thoughts into an empty abyss.

The room was destroyed. The floor was nothing but rubble, like a bomb had been dropped, chunks of ceiling and collapsed walls strewn about in shiny pink piles. The portions of wall that had survived the blast were more cracked than whole, and one of the curtains had fallen from the balcony, revealing the looming visage of White Diamond beyond. He looked back to Blue, eyes wide with horror, and Steven realized he was crying. Whether it was from the diamond’s power or his own volition, he couldn’t say.

“I’m sorry,” he choked. And he was. He didn’t know what was happening to him, why he kept destroying things like this. He just wanted this - all of this - to stop.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. Was he the one who hurt Blue? Had he hurt Turquoise too? Or even Blue Pearl or the pebbles? A tinny buzzing filled his ears, bringing with it a wave of guilt. _It was all his fault._

Steven curled into himself, hearing (or perhaps just realizing) Blue’s voice. He whimpered, feeling more than seeing his bubble collapse. Was this it? Had she finally had enough of him? Would she shatter him now?

Maybe… maybe he deserved it.

“-always do this, Pink!” Steven flinched, trying and failing to block out the anguished voice. “I don’t understand you!” Tears streamed from Steven’s eyes, and he pressed his face against his knees. “We _finally_ have you back, and you’re _worse_ than ever!” Steven tried to muffle a sob, but the long sigh that emanated from Blue told him she’d heard it. “Oh, Pink,” she said, drawn.

Suddenly he was lifted- no, picked up. Steven cried out, only for a stifling wave of calm to smother his alarm. He struggled against it, briefly, but it was so much easier not to feel… when feeling felt like this. Maybe it was better this way.

He lifted his head, slowly, and saw a mirror of his tears running down Blue’s cheeks, though her eyes were hard and her jaw set. She moved with purpose through the pink halls, not once sparing him a glance. He ducked down again, taking refuge behind fingers like prison bars, a vague feeling of shame blooming in his stomach. He’d hurt Blue. He’d hurt her and now she wouldn’t even look at him.

Steven lost track of their way as he wrapped his arms about himself, deep in regret and the hollow hole where his heart should be. How could he have done this? How could he have disappointed Blue? He was supposed know better- _be_ better than this. _It was all his fault._

Abruptly, Steven felt a jostle; Blue came to a stop. Yet, before he could look up, he was ushered off of Blue’s hand and onto the floor. Blue stepped back from him, looking disapproving but not murderous, and he chanced a small glance at his surroundings. He seemed to be in a dark, empty room, a single high window letting in a small bit of natural light. It was altogether ominous, but Blue’s presence reduced his rising panic to a flat, dull knot in his chest.

“You need to control yourself, Pink,” Blue said, voice carefully measured, tears dried. Her right hand crept up to hide her left, massaging it in such a way that left Steven no doubt that she had, in fact, been injured by his uncontrolled blast. Another movement of her hands revealed the tattered remains of her half-glove, and Steven looked away, ashamed. How could he have done such a thing?

He opened his mouth to say something- another apology, probably, but Blue spoke again. “We’re _trying_ to fix the mess you’ve made,” she sighed, then continued, resigned, “I don’t want to do this, but you’ve left me no other choice. You’ll stay here until you’ve shown you can behave properly.”

Steven glanced around once more, the gray walls no more interesting than the first look. “You’re just going to leave me here?” he asked, torn between relief and worry: relief at not being shattered, but apprehension that he might instead be abandoned, forgotten for eons in this dismal, colorless room. Then again, considering how he’d _literally_ blown up the last two times he’d so much as laid eyes on the diamonds, maybe that was for the best. At least here he couldn’t hurt anyone else.

Blue looked at him, the first time since she’d picked him up. Her eyes, normally wide and expressive (even if most of that expression was sorrow and tears), had turned hard. It reminded him rather uncannily of Garnet’s ‘I expect you to know what you did was wrong and never do it again’ expression. And he knew, really, he knew. He just didn’t know how to stop it. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself once more, rocking back onto his heels as he ducked his head. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in Blue’s eyes.

“This is for your own good, Pink,” Blue said, so far above him she orbited a different star, and Steven knew her words were true. How could he have doubted it? Blue would never do something if it wasn’t for the best.

Suddenly a finger touched his chin, so gently, lifting his face until he met Blue’s eyes. Eyes that held disappointment, but also love. “You must’ve been hurt so awfully on that planet.” Steven made to correct her, but the finger on his chin pushed just a little harder, forcing his mouth closed. “It must be hard to accept, losing so much of your memory, but you’re safe here. You’re home. But you can’t keep acting out like this. You understand, don’t you, Pink? If you lose control in public, cause a scene, White will be so disappointed. You don’t want to disappoint her, do you?”

Blue fell silent, and Steven, trapped in her fathomless eyes, could only shake his head. The corner of Blue’s lips turned up for a moment, and Steven felt a sense of ease wash over him. This was how it was supposed to be.

The finger at his chin withdrew and a moment later so did Blue, pausing at the closing door to offer a parting, “Think about what you’ve done, Pink. You know better than this.” Her sad gaze, accompanied by a single tear, condemned him to his solitude. And Steven was alone.

Like a puppet without its strings he dropped, every battling emotion suddenly rising to the surface at the desertion of Blue’s aura. He clenched his eyes shut, pressing his palms into them as if to stem his tears at their source. Of course, this didn’t work, and Steven cried anyway. He didn’t even know what he was crying about, only that he couldn’t stop, no matter how much he wanted to. Every aching, tainted thing within him poured from his eyes, drawing him deeper and deeper into regret. For what wasn’t the first time, and wouldn’t be the last, he wished for his family. Even an image of their smiling faces would’ve brought him comfort, reminding him that they were more than a half-faded dream. But no, Steven had nothing. He was well and truly alone. And in this empty, dark prison, that fact settled within him, bringing a pain even he couldn’t heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Steven’s having a rough day, isn’t he. Panic attacks are no joke, and unfortunately their effects can be cumulative… Blue’s method of “helping” might not be the best either…
> 
> Sorry this took a bit, it was a combination of feeling icky, spending time on other (non-FF) projects, and not being able to figure out which plot point should debut in the second half of the chapter (thus working on the next one instead lol). I’ve also been ironing out which semi/non-canon abilities I wanted each of the diamonds to have and brainstorming some OC lines of gems (like Turquoise!).
> 
> Side note: If anyone wants a challenge, I’ve placed a single distinctive line in this chapter foreshadowing a significant plot point that will be revealed later on~ If you find the sentence and correctly guess what it alludes to before then I’ll answer any one question you have regarding the story, spoilers and all. Good luck!


	5. Expectation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter!  
> Steven on Homeworld without Connie and the Gems for moral support really isn’t a good look.
> 
> Here comes a plot~ That might alarm you~ (No, really, I know thus far has been an angstfest of slow burns but be prepared, things are picking up. It’s about time to introduce some secondary characters~ and get out of Pink's stupid, monochrome room)

“What would Dad say, his only son, in prison at fourteen?” Steven mused. He shook his head with a bitter laugh. It’s not like he hadn’t been imprisoned before. In fact, he’d only just exchanged one prison for another, less colorful one.

Time had passed since Blue had left him in the tower. How much he couldn’t say, but enough for him to gather his rebellious emotions and shove them back into the pit in his chest, dry his tears, and lapse into an exhausted stupor, only barely registering the gray walls and smooth track of light as it moved across the floor, courtesy of the high, tiny slit of a window.

He should have been planning an escape, a talk, _anything_ , but he was tired. So, so tired. His thoughts tumbled like lead weights, turning to sand as they slipped through his fingers. He didn’t think he’d ever been so tired, not even when he stayed up for days, trying to catch a glimpse of Peridot’s robonoids at the warp pad. And yet he couldn’t sleep: he didn’t need to. He needed to rest, to calm his anxious thoughts. But every time his eyes slipped closed, every time he tried to untangle the mess of his mind, his fears went haywire, clouding his thoughts with image after image that he so desperately wished he could forget, twisting his nerves into knots and leaving him worse off than before.

Steven sank onto his side, blearily following the light’s progress across the unassuming floor, the only marker that time was, in fact, passing. How long had he been away from Earth now? Were the Gems still looking for him? Was _anyone_ coming for him?

He turned to face the wall, putting the light behind him. It wasn’t cold here, per se (nowhere on Homeworld was), but there was an emptiness that ached in his bones, drawing a thin stream from whatever willpower he had left. He was so tired. So, so tired.

Steven breathed, in and out, a useless gesture he no longer needed. Still, he focused on it, a steady metronome in a sea of terrors. He breathed, slow and even and deep, and eventually thoughts calmed, his eyes drifted shut. Eventually he fell asleep.

And then he dreamt.

Blue had him pinned with _that look_ , the one that said they both knew he was in the wrong, and were just waiting for him to admit it. Blue’s hands were laced in front of her, back tall, proud and perfect and sure of her rightness. Steven glowered. Well, she could just keep waiting for all he cared, because _she_ was the one who broke her promise. _She_ was the one who should apologize, not him. He clenched his fists, shoulders tightening with anger. He refused to give her the satisfaction of speaking first.

A minute passed, then another, and the tension grew stifling in the room. He knew he should just get it over with, he knew he would never win the argument sure to come (in fact, he’d already lost it earlier, when he’d also lost his temper and subsequently been locked away in this dark, gloomy chamber), but he couldn’t bring himself to concede defeat. Blue had _promised_ , she had _lied_ to him, and she didn’t even care! Anger mixed with something painful- _betrayal-_ in his chest and tears welled in his eyes, though he refused to let them fall. He wouldn’t give Blue the satisfaction of crying, not unless she _made_ him. He crossed his arms over his chest, setting his chin in defiance. _It’s not my fault_ , he screamed, wordless.

Blue’s eyes narrowed, but she remained unmoved. Another minute passed; Steven felt his resolve begin to crack. He wondered how long he’d be left in here- _alone_ \- again. (How long had it _been_? It felt like forever…) It was always longer when he acted like this, when he refused to apologize... So why was he even trying? Blue would never admit she was wrong; he was just making things worse for himself. A bubble of self-pity welled within him, setting his eyes stinging. He was always wrong, even- _especially_ \- when he wasn’t. It wasn’t fair. He just wanted them to _listen_ to him, to treat him like the diamond he was.

Steven’s eyes dropped to the floor, the will to continue his staring match rushing out of him like water. He released his arms back to his sides.

“I’m sorry,” he said. The words tasted bitter on his tongue, overripe with defeat.

“You’re sorry,” Blue echoed, disappointment tangible. “You expect me to believe that, Pink?”

Steven bristled. Wasn’t that what she wanted? An apology? “If you hadn’t broken your promise, this never would’ve happened!” He regretted the words before they’d even left his mouth. They were loud, sharp things, emotional and uncontrolled; they only proved her right.

“That’s your excuse?” The question hung for a moment, unanswered, before Blue continued, voice twice as harsh. “You _always_ do this! You know exactly what is expected of you, and yet you deliberately choose to act out!” Blue levelled an angry stare at Steven, and a tear slipped down his cheek, unbidden. “All we ask- all _White_ asks- is that you control yourself, act as a _diamond should_ , and yet you can’t even do that.”

“I said I was sorry,” Steven protested, trying to keep the pout from his voice. _A diamond must never show weakness._

Blue remained unconvinced. “Sorry isn’t good enough. You have to do better! You must set an _example_ for your gems.”

He scowled. “Just like you set an example for me?” He was pushing it, he knew, but he didn’t care. All anyone ever did was lie to him! The least they could do was admit it.

Blue’s expression hardened. “What I do is for your own good, Pink… but I don’t expect you to understand that when you can’t even enter a room without disrupting the proceedings.” She shook her head, exasperated. “We ask so little of you, Pink, and yet still you _refuse_ to do it. How can we trust you with more, when you’ve proven you can’t even handle the little you’ve been given?”

Blue was right. Steven hung his head, ashamed; he didn’t want to fight anymore. He didn’t want anything else taken away from him. “I’m sorry,” he said, regretful. “I’ll do better.” He always did this; he always ruined everything. He wished he knew how to stop, how to be better- be the diamond they wanted. A tear slipped down his chin, dropping to the floor, a dark stain against the monotonous gray. He leveled his gaze at his feet, the fluffy white orbs hovering above his shoes- _wait_. Those… weren’t his. He blinked, and the image of his- _no, Pink Diamond’s_ \- feet swirled, faded.

Suddenly it was dark, the walls fading away into black nothingness. Eyes opened, hundreds of pupilless orbs glowing bright as spotlights, watching him. Judging him. Steven staggered back, turning around, but he was boxed in on all sides, blinded as the beams converged. He threw up his arms against the light, a futile, insignificant gesture; it tore through him regardless. The eyes ravaged him, omnipotent in their sight. His arms, dreadfully pink, an afterimage burned against his closed lids, were no longer _his_ , but _hers_.

“No, please! Stop!” Steven begged, pleas unheeded. The light scalded, tearing away at his very soul, flaying the flesh from his bones. Tears rolled down his cheeks; the taste of metal lingered on his tongue.

A hand reached out from the darkness, hidden behind the light: white- blue- pink- _yellow, dripping with dark blood, reaching closer and closer_. He screamed, stumbling as he ran, legs caught in black sand, sinking- suffocating- He couldn’t escape! He was going to-!

Steven woke with a gasp, wide-eyed and trembling. He twisted around, searching for his tormentors, but only finding empty planes of gray, the window, high above, letting in the barest light from the city beyond. A… dream? He shuddered, hunching in on himself. A nightmare.

It’s not like Steven hadn’t had nightmares before. They just usually weren’t so… vivid. And that scenario with Blue… He gulped. He hadn’t just seen Pink’s memory, he’d _felt_ her feelings, _thought_ her thoughts. His hand traveled to his navel, the smooth facets of his gem. It was so… real. Just like that time on the jungle moon. The diamonds had locked Pink in this prison, too.

Steven didn’t know what to think of his mom anymore. He’d grown up seeing her as the beloved, infallible leader of the Rebellion, savior of Earth, and then he learned she’d supposedly _shattered_ Pink Diamond, making her a murderer… but no, apparently that wasn’t bad enough, because she _was_ Pink Diamond, the intergalactic dictator responsible for the invasion of Earth in the first place! But seeing these memories… she just seemed like some bratty kid, trailing after the other diamonds, shunted away whenever she became a nuisance. It was downright impossible to reconcile these conflicting images as one, cohesive whole - one _person_ \- let alone try to figure out what said person _meant_ to him… Or what part of him might still be her.

Steven closed his eyes, a wave of lethargy washing over him. He groaned, trying and failing to find the willpower to move, to think. His nagging thoughts had subsided, but he felt like a deflated balloon, limp and boneless. Utterly powerless to fix what he’d broken. If possible, he was more tired than before he’d slept.

He rested his face in the cleft of his knees, hugging his legs close. Some unnamed emotion pressed against his skull, sending shivers down his spine. Longing, perhaps. He wanted to go home. A long, heavy sigh escaped his lips. He couldn’t leave, not while the diamonds thought he was _her_. They would never let him go. He pressed his face more firmly into his knees, thoughts slipping away as an exhausted hopelessness overcame him. His head slid off his knees once, twice, and by the third time he hadn’t the presence of mind to pick it back up, slowly collapsing to the floor, asleep once more.

The next time Steven woke, it was to a voice. It tugged him, reluctantly, from the dark throes of sleep, once more into the light. He shifted, a muffled protest escaping him. He was so comfortable… Five more minutes wouldn’t hurt…

“Pink, _please!_ ” The voice cried, drenched in desperation. Steven snapped to attention, blinking rapidly as the world wobbled around him. _Blue?_

“Say something!” Blue (for it _was_ Blue) pleaded.

Whas- huh?” Steven garbled, his mind reeling as the last dregs of slumber left him. He looked down, surprised to find himself seated on Blue’s hand, her face peering down on him, terror in her eyes. His thoughts stuttered; he checked his emotions, confused to find the mind-altering, befuddling complacency that so often tainted his interactions with Blue was missing. He wasn’t really calm, but he wasn’t really afraid, either. It was… odd. He blinked again. He should probably say something…

“Oh, thank the stars! Pink, are you alright? Are you hurt?” Blue fussed over him, worried gaze roving his form, but seemed reluctant to touch him, her other hand remaining mercifully out of view.

Steven rubbed his eyes, unsurprised to find tears on his cheeks. He frowned at the gem matriarch, trying to piece together the reason for her concern. “I’m fine. I was just sleeping, Blue,” he said, befuddled.

“ _Sleeping_? What is ‘sleeping’?” Blue questioned, still hovering like a mother hen. “You’re sure you’re not damaged… further?”

Oh, right. Sleeping was a human thing. He remembered Pearl’s first dream projected onto the ceiling, the image of his dad’s face surrounded by his mom’s hair, a pizza emerging from his mouth in a parody of a tongue, “… _thanks for fixing my van!”_ and hastily suppressed a laugh. _This isn’t funny, Steven,_ he reminded himself, shaking his head.

“Uh, it’s something humans do,” he stated, gauging Blue’s response. It remained steady on confusion, so he elaborated, tentatively, “-You know, on Earth?”

Blue stilled, diamond pupils constricting in displeasure, and Steven braced himself for another tirade about how _awful_ Earth was and how _happy_ he should be to be on Homeworld. She sucked in a breath, opened her mouth, then closed it again, eyes misting, tension bleeding out of her. She blinked, long and slow, and then began to cry in earnest, great glimmering tears rolling down her cheeks, then Steven’s too.

“I… I was so worried, Pink. You were so still; you couldn’t even hear me… I thought-” she choked up, her free hand coming to cover her mouth, as if to hold her emotions back by force. Her next sentence was barely a whisper, “I thought I might’ve lost you again.”

Steven couldn’t bear to meet her gaze, feel the anguish in her eyes. “I… I’m sorry, Blue. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said softly. He felt like he needed to offer an explanation, regardless of its connection to Earth activities, so he pressed on. “I was so tired… I didn’t mean to fall asleep. It just kinda… happened.” This much was the truth. He hadn’t planned on sleeping again after the nightmare he’d had… He was just so _tired_.

Blue’s hand left her mouth, almost reaching out to him, before she seemed to think better of the gesture and let it drop to her side. Steven realized her sleeve was still torn, skin scuffed in a way that denoted injury, and had to fight back a surge of guilt.

“Blue, your hand- I’m so sorry,” Steven said. “I- can I-” He swallowed back his trepidation. “Can I heal you?”

Blue’s brows furrowed, then raised in realization. “You… you _can_ heal, can’t you, Pink.”

Steven nodded. He briefly wondered how the _diamonds_ hadn’t known about Pink’s healing powers, before the answer presented itself, obvious. He couldn’t imagine any of the diamonds doing something as… servile as healing. His mom had almost certainly started healing gems on Earth, outside of the other diamonds’ influence.

Blue tentatively raised her hand once more, keeping its back to him (which left him immensely relieved, for some reason) as she brought it close to the hand Steven occupied.

Steven licked his palm (there was no way he was going to _kiss_ her hand), reaching out, before he caught the look of disgust crossing Blue’s face. He paused.

“Oh, um. It’s always a little weird, doing this,” he laughed, uncomfortably.

Blue pulled on a confused, forced smile, but nodded, and Steven took that as permission to continue. He tapped his palm to her finger, making sure to keep contact to the barest minimum, before sitting back to watch the magic happen (literally). Sure enough, the injury faded almost instantly.

Blue’s eyes widened. She turned her hand over, inspecting her now perfectly-laid glove, smooth skin beneath it. “This is incredible, Pink,” she spoke softly, awed.

Steven felt a surge of warmth within him. Blue Diamond, _complimenting_ him? That was a first. He felt a hesitant smile creep over his face.

“It’s the least I could do, after…” his smile faded slightly. “Uh. Sorry about that.” Why, oh why, did he just have to bring up his outburst again? “Are… are the others okay?” He almost didn’t want to know. He _couldn’t_ have hurt anyone else.

Confusion dominated Blue’s expression once more. “…Others?”

“Turquoise? Blue Pearl? …the pebbles?”

Blue’s lips formed a small ‘oh,’ of recognition, before a soft laugh left her. “You always did worry too much over your gems, Pink,” she said fondly. She slowly, carefully, lifted her newly-healed hand to Steven’s perch, running a finger over his hair, applying only the lightest pressure. Blue’s words fell just as gently, strangely remaining untainted by her powers, “I promise you, everything is fine.”

Steven’s shoulders slumped in relief, though a twinge of some dark emotion stirred within him at the word ‘promise,’ a bitter aftertaste of the memory he’d relived in sleep. He vowed to take the diamonds’ words with a grain of salt, and a fair bit of caution. And apologize to the others, to make sure they truly were okay. If he had hurt someone… He shuddered. Everything was fine. It must be.

“Let’s… get you back to your chambers,” Blue said, voice oddly uncertain, placating. Her eyes still hadn’t left Steven once, as if he might disappear the second she looked away. To be fair, he would if he could.

Steven frowned. “Isn’t it… all busted up, still?” He cringed; he’d brought attention once more to his mistake.

A flash of apprehension swept across Blue’s face, quickly buried behind another soft smile. “The repairs are completed, Pink; don’t worry yourself.” At that the door to the cell opened and Blue strode out, carrying Steven into the brilliant light of the city beyond.

Steven shifted, worried despite Blue’s proclamation. There was something the diamond wasn’t telling him. The gray walls gave way to blue and Steven posed a question, trying very hard not to put emotion into the words. “How long was I… in there?”

Steven could feel the hand he rested upon tense, and he froze in turn. “Two cycles,” Blue replied. Her tone gave Steven the sinking feeling it amounted to more than two Earth-days. She looked down at him, searchingly. “You don’t remember?”

Steven gave a half-shrug, determinedly avoiding her gaze. “I was asleep most of the time.”

Blue’s steps paused, and she looked behind as if checking for something- or someone. She spoke, voice heavy with guilt, “I tried to talk to you after three-quarters of a cycle, but you didn’t respond. I thought you were just ignoring me, but…” She paused, seeming genuinely worried. “I never should have left you alone, Pink… Not while you’re damaged like this. Are you _sure_ your affliction hasn’t worsened?”

“I’m fine, Blue,” Steven said. He mustered up a half-convincing smile, and Blue, despite clearly not buying it, continued down the hall.

It was a short, silent journey back to Pink’s room, which Steven was amazed to find had been returned to its exact state prior to him utterly ruining it. Of course, the diamonds would only have the best architects at their disposal, and Blue certainly would pull out all stops for her precious Pink. Still, it didn’t feel like he’d been locked away long enough for it to be restored so perfectly… Maybe Blue had a right to be worried about his sleep, after all.

Blue lowered her hand to the floor, reticent as Steven hopped off it eagerly. He turned around, taking in the room, deliberately refusing to linger on the open curtains of the balcony, the white monolith beyond, nor on Blue, watching him with an expectant stare.

“It’s so… perfect,” he commented absently. Even the delicate pink bubbles had returned to their exact places against the ceiling, shimmering in the light.

Blue sported a warm smile as he completed the turn. “Of course, Pink. You are a diamond; you deserve only the best.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly what he’d meant, but offering clarification would only cause problems so he refrained. His eyes widened as he spotted Blue Pearl standing behind her diamond, in her standard position beside the door. Thank the stars she was alright. Had she been there the whole time? Oh geez, she must hate him even more now. He looked away before his face betrayed his unrest. He’d have to apologize later, when Blue Diamond wasn’t around.

“So, Pink,” Blue began diplomatically, and Steven froze, knowing whatever came next would be bad, “are you ready to see Turquoise now?”

Yep. It was bad. “I- uhm,” he stuttered, knowing that arguing would only enact a repeat performance from earlier, but still desperately scrabbling for an excuse. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he bleated, timidly.

Blue’s displeasure was tangible. “You know this cannot continue, Pink.” She stooped down, not even remotely on Steven’s level, but giving it a good try, nonetheless. “You’re damaged, and Turquoise can help you. There’s nothing more to be said.”

Steven lowered his eyes to the floor, resigned, but a gentle touch coaxed him to look back to Blue. Strangely, a wistful expression now curled at her lips, softened her gaze.

“Do you remember that time you ran off from your entourage on the Zoisite Colony?” Steven shook his head, and though Blue seemed momentarily disappointed, she continued, “You were so excited to see the newly-emerged gems you just couldn’t wait for the escort, taking matters into your own hands. Of course, you didn’t even find your way out of the base before the lava flows distracted you.” Blue shook her head with an exasperated laugh. “When we found you I was ready to send you right back to Homeworld, appearances aside, but you remember what you said to me?” Steven shook his head once more; the interaction was hardly necessary, as caught up as Blue was in her story. “You stood so tall, pointed across the glowing lava fields and demanded, ‘I want that!’” Blue chuckled. “As if you could bring the entire volcano home with you! And you were just _so_ excited, how could I say no? Yellow thought the whole thing was a fine joke, right up until I sent the remodeling orders through.” Another laugh. “I don’t know if she’s ever forgiven me for rerouting the four hundred-seventh thoroughfare away from her square. -You remember, the one celebrating her military prowess, with the obnoxious metal monument she adores.” Blue smiled wryly. “She’s always been so pedantic over right angles…” She exhaled a light sigh, suffused in gentle memories.

After a moment Blue returned to the present, appearing no less tender, but harboring a fair deal more pain as she looked at Steven. “I want to see you smile again, just like you did when I showed the finished volcanic chamber to you… and I know Yellow does too, even if she won’t admit it.” She reached out, not noticing (or perhaps ignoring) Steven’s tension, and smoothed a finger over his hair. “Once you’ve been repaired we can put all this behind us, Pink. You want that, don’t you?”

Steven had a feeling his version of ‘putting everything behind them’ was vastly different than Blue’s, but he wasn’t about to say as much.

Blue noticed his continued hesitation, but, surprisingly, offered a suggestion instead of an order, “How about this: Turquoise will tend to you, and after that I’ll take you to some of your favorite places. I’m sure it’ll spark your memory and we can have fun, play whatever silly game you want, just like we used to.”

While Steven still had no desire to be prodded and tested by some Homeworld gem, he knew a losing battle when he saw one; he was going to be forced to do this anyway, so why shouldn’t he get something interesting out of it? He couldn’t deny that he was curious about the Homeworld that existed beyond the few rooms and halls he’d traveled, and after being imprisoned in an even gloomier place for who-knew-how-long, he was eager to get out. Even if it meant accompanying Blue.

“…Okay,” Steven acquiesced. “But does it have to be now?”

Blue’s words were longsuffering, “Yes, Pink. Now.”

Steven sighed. “Okay,” he relented.

Blue smiled. “There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” She turned to Blue Pearl and nodded. The other gem left the room with a curtsy. She didn’t spare a single glance for Steven, and he swore he could feel his nonexistent heart drop.

Steven and his diamond jailer- caretaker- _whatever_ were left alone once more, and while he was in no mood to talk, Blue was.

She looked Steven up and down and he had to try very hard not to shudder. “Everything will be just like it used to be, Pink, you’ll see,” she reassured, which was very un-reassuring. “Perhaps even White will come down to see us again.” She laughed, an angelic sound, still gazing fondly at Steven. “You’re still so silly, so small. So sure of yourself. I’m so glad to have you back, Pink.”

“I’m… glad to be back,” Steven replied, the words a bitter lie. _Why_ was he lying? He should be telling her who he was, demanding- begging to go back to Earth! But he’d tried that, hadn’t he? And everything had gone so horribly, horribly wrong. He was tired of trying.

Blue smiled brightly at his words, and Steven felt an uncomfortable mix of elation and dread pool in his stomach. Then the door opened, Steven watching as Blue Pearl and Turquoise reentered the room, this time to a hopefully-improved conclusion. To her credit, Turquoise didn’t seem phased in the slightest by his presence, just as composed and regal as in her first appearance. Both gems saluted Blue, then Turquoise also saluted him. If he hadn’t seen the flickers of genuine emotion cross her face previously, he might have even bought her deferential half-smile.

“Are you ready, Pink?” Blue asked, as if he had any other option.

Steven worried his lip. “I…” What could he even say? There was no getting out of this, and he’d caused more than enough trouble for everyone already. Still, he felt a taut ball of nerves growing within him, despite his efforts to suppress it. What if he blew up again? What if he really hurt someone this time? What if-

“Pink?”

He’d taken too long to respond. “I’m fine, Blue, I just-” He fisted his hands in his shirt, taking a deep breath and restoring a fraction of his composure. “Can I have a minute?”

Blue frowned, before her face smoothed into a surprising display of understanding. When she spoke, her words were coaxing. “Yellow and I don’t think badly of you over what happened.” _What?_ “It’s not your fault you were damaged, though I understand you might be reluctant to be seen so… vulnerable.” She paused, and Steven tried to wrap his head around what she was trying to say. “This is only what is necessary to help you heal.”

The frown returned as the silence stretched. “Do you not… want me here?” She seemed almost heartbroken. No, scratch that, definitely heartbroken: she was clearly about to cry, again.

Still not quite sure what Blue was getting at, Steven offered a tentative nod. Not being gawked at by a towering, emotionally unstable dictator was a definite plus, even if he was still going to be tortured.

A tear slipped from Blue’s eye; she wiped it away. “I… understand, Pink. I’ll return later when you’re finished. We’ll spend time together, just how you like it.” She addressed Turquoise, “See to it that you do everything within your ability to aid Pink.” Blue’s commanding diamond aura had returned, a far cry from the tenderness she had shown Steven and a stark reminder what she was capable of. “I will accept no less than your best, Turquoise.”

Turquoise bowed deeply, seeming pleased by the obvious threat: a response that horrified Steven to no end. “Your trust is not misplaced, My Diamond. Pink Diamond is in good hands.”

Blue gave Turquoise one last appraising look, then nodded. Before she left, she bent down to reach out to Steven again, placing a finger beneath his chin and coaxing his eyes up to hers, glimmering with tears. She held his gaze for a moment, then said, intent, “You are perfect, Pink. We will restore you no matter the time or cost, I promise. You have nothing to fear.”

“Okay,” Steven reiterated, dull. He just wanted this to be over already; he already knew there was nothing they could do to help him.

Blue seemed like she wanted to say more but then her shoulders sagged in defeat. She rose and walked from the room, leaving one last forlorn glance tugging at Steven’s heartstrings. He hated that it did.

A movement caught his eye and he saw Turquoise approach, hands drawn in a diamond salute. “My Diamond,” she said, dutiful.

Oddly, Blue Pearl was still in the room as well, unobtrusively guarding the door. He didn’t know if he felt more a prisoner now or in the gray cell he’d occupied before.

“Are you okay?” Steven asked the room at large, fiddling with his shirt.

“My… Diamond?” Turquoise questioned, closing the distance between them.

“I- when I broke the room…” Steven bit his lip, peering at the gem through his lashes. “Did I hurt you?”

Turquoise drew back, blinking in shock before visibly composing herself. “No, My Diamond. There is no need to concern yourself on my behalf,” she dismissed.

“Oh, okay,” Steven said, relieved.

There was an awkward pause, then Turquoise cleared her throat, clasping her hands. “Well, My Diamond, shall I begin? I assure you I am well-versed in repairing all forms of damage a gem may sustain.”

Steven nodded, suppressing a shudder. “Okay.”

Another pause ensued in which Turquoise shuffled, increasingly uncomfortable. Steven glanced about as he waited for her to do her thing: the balcony, the walls, the floor- anything but Turquoise’s face. After several seconds he heard footsteps, looking back up to find Blue Pearl, of all people, coming to his rescue.

“You may proceed, Turquoise,” she said quietly on approach, then focused her (presumed) stare on Steven.

Turquoise offered the pearl a disdainful look, then also looked pointedly at Steven, as if waiting for something. _Oh._

“Yeah, uhm. Go ahead, or whatever.” It wasn’t eloquent, and more than a bit clumsy, but it got the job done.

Turquoise nodded thankfully. “Of course, My Diamond. May I see your gem?”

Steven hesitated, worrying his lip, before he steeled himself with a breath. He tugged his shirt up, revealing the mess of cracks surrounding his gem, unchanged from the last time they’d seen the light. Somehow, though, seeing them felt worse than before.

Turquoise froze, noticeably shocked. Whatever she was expecting it obviously wasn’t this. Steven felt the intense desire to escape the situation, hide his glaring _flaw_ , but forced himself to stand his ground, grimacing. He couldn’t, however, stop the stinging of his eyes, betraying him with tears he fought to keep unshed.

Blue Pearl nodded at him and, when he looked her way, offered him a small, brief smile. She… didn’t hate him? It wasn’t much, but it was comfort enough for Steven to relax the white-knuckled grip he held on his shirt. He could do this.

Turquoise recovered more quickly than Steven expected, voice only wavering slightly. “My- My Diamond, may I ask how this occurred?”

It was Steven’s turn to freeze. Perhaps Turquoise saw the panic in his eyes as she quickly added, “ _Anything_ you can tell me will be of great help; I’m afraid I wasn’t provided many details as to your situation and the more information I have, the greater the likelihood I can repair the damage as quickly and efficiently as possible.”

Blue Pearl gave another encouraging nod. Steven took another steadying breath. He could do this.

“I, uhm,” Steven let his shirt drop, twisting his hands into knots as he forced himself to continue, “I… it was… It was an accident. Yellow didn’t mean to- to kill me.” His voice had grown impossibly small, so soft he wasn’t sure Turquoise heard.

A small portion of alarm showed itself on Turquoise’s face, clearly only the tip of the proverbial iceberg that hid beneath her professionalism. “I’m not sure I understand, My Diamond,” she prompted.

Steven’s breath hissed through his teeth. He swallowed, throat tight with emotion. “I-” He closed his eyes, pressing his fists into them to prevent tears from falling. “She thought I was Rose Quartz- which I was- well, not really- I, I really tried to tell her- I didn’t-” Despite his best efforts he was still falling apart, his thoughts racing around in circles, filling the empty spaces of his lost humanity with sickly dread. He whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut as he grabbed at his hair.

After a moment of Steven struggling with himself, he felt a touch on his hand, gentle as a butterfly’s wing but enough to send him jumping back. His eyes flew open, breaths short and labored as he took in Blue Pearl stood before him, hand still outstretched and a familiar pained frown plastered across her face.

Slowly she retracted her hand, watching his reaction intently, yet without the fear he knew must be there. Why would she touch him, after he’d done _that_ in her presence? He could’ve hurt her!

“Are- are you okay?” Steven asked, shuddering.

Blue Pearl’s lips parted, indignant in her confusion, but no words escaped her. Steven looked down at her hands, trying and failing to detect any sign of injury. He needed to get a grip; Blue was right, he was completely out of control.

“Would you like to sit down, Pink Diamond?” Blue Pearl asked delicately, still looking at him uncertainly, and it was then Steven realized she had stepped between him and Turquoise, blocking his view of the other gem.

Steven released a heavy breath, touched by her concern. “Yeah, yeah,” he breathed, “I should sit down.”

On cue, the pebbles raised a seat behind him which he took, gratefully. He was relieved to see that they were still here too, and hopefully as uninjured as Blue Pearl was. He would need to confirm that later.

Steven breathed in and out, the way Garnet had taught him and Connie; a day that seemed a lifetime ago, now. Blue Pearl lingered in front of him despite Turquoise’s irritated huff, obviously worried. He was overreacting; she shouldn’t have to trouble herself over him. Not when everything he’d done had caused nothing but problems for her.

“I’m okay,” Steven stated, as much for himself as anyone else. “I’m okay.”

Blue Pearl nodded, making to step back when Steven reached out, a sudden panic seizing him. He caught her wrist, immediately releasing it as he processed the motion, jerking his hand back. What was he _thinking?_ “I- I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

To his surprise, Blue Pearl moved forward instead of back, crouching down to Steven’s level. It was enough of a shock to interrupt his ramble of apologies and excuses. She gave him a brief smile, drenched in tension. She leaned in, speaking in a whisper that kept the words between the two of them, “A diamond does not apologize to lesser gems, Pink Diamond. They are yours to command as you see fit.”

Steven’s face twisted. “I don’t want that!” he hissed, keeping his voice just as quiet. If Blue Pearl didn’t want Turquoise to hear them talk, he wouldn’t do anything to betray that. “It’s wrong! All gems- all _life_ is equal-”

“ _Pink_ ,” Blue Pearl stressed, for the first time dropping half of his forced title. “You are a _diamond_. If you require something, you need only ask and it will be given you.”

Steven’s gaze flicked between Blue Pearl and the floor, wanting to protest, but realizing that she was trying to tell him something again- something important. “I… please don’t leave me,” Steven sniffled, the words tumbling from his mouth. He nearly regretted them until Blue Pearl nodded, approving.

“Of course, Pink Diamond. What would you like me to do?” She spoke louder, moving to include Turquoise in the conversation once again. Said gem was perusing a portable screen, scrolling through lines of gem glyph, but immediately closed it, storing it in her gem and giving Steven a wary glance as Blue Pearl stepped to the side.

Steven scooted over, patting the space beside him (which the pebbles quickly enlarged). “Sit with me?” he asked, and Blue Pearl complied, sending him an encouraging nod. Steven shifted closer, enough to feel the energy humming beneath the pearl’s skin but not quite close enough to touch. Even the simple act of having a person next to him helped Steven’s frayed nerves relax.

“Perhaps Pink Diamond would prefer to proceed with a cursory inspection,” Blue Pearl offered, “and continue to discuss the nature of her injury later.”

Turquoise scowled at Blue Pearl, opening her mouth as if to argue, but Steven interjected, “Yes, I would.” He trusted that the pearl knew what she was doing, and, truthfully, he needed a break before returning to his memories of that night.

Turquoise swallowed back her annoyance, giving Steven a nod. “Yes, My Diamond. I will need full view of your gem to administer the exam, if you would.” She leveled a hand, accentuating her statement.

Steven took one last steadying breath, then stripped off his shirt entirely. It disappeared with a soft _pop_ the instant it slipped over his head, surprising him. What- was he just shirtless forever now? No, no, Garnet had taken off her visor before; he would just have to figure out how to resummon it, like she did. His clothes were like his shield now, right?

Turquoise moved with renewed confidence, snapping, “Raise the seat,” to which the pebbles complied, sending Steven and Blue Pearl skyward. (Steven _definitely didn’t_ clutch the pearl’s arm in surprise, despite what it may have looked like.) Turquoise directed the construction with a wave of her hand, then ended it with a dismissive gesture, nodding thoughtfully. Steven’s gem sat only a few inches below her eye-level; she leaned in eagerly, though made no move to touch him, instead tucking her hair behind her ears, out of the way.

“Incredible,” Turquoise murmured reverently, gazing deeply into Steven’s gem. The sheer awe on her face made him wish he could disappear. “I heard the stories, but this _luminosity_. This _perfection_. Every facet’s cut only accentuates your radiance, My Diamond.”

Steven wished he’d kept his shirt on. “…Thanks.”

Turquoise withdrew her screen, looking at his gem through it. The device sent out a scanning beam reminiscent of the shattering robonoids Steven and Lars had encountered in the bowels of Homeworld (which Steven definitely _did not_ like being reminded of) before displaying some sort of readout in glyph, incomprehensible to him. Turquoise’s brow furrowed, she tapped the screen a few times, and then a frown appeared.

“Is something wrong?” Steven asked nervously.

Turquoise sucked in a breath. “Well-” She closed her mouth, rethinking her words. “Actually, no. There appears to be no structural damage to your gem whatsoever, My Diamond. Not even a remnant of energy strain, though your energy output _is_ unusually variable compared to other gems. -Not, of course, that you are to be compared to them! Stars, no. As a diamond, these readings may very well be normal for you.”

Steven’s shoulders slumped. He had expected this, but to have it confirmed by someone else… it felt real, now: he was broken. He couldn’t be fixed.

Turquoise continued to speak, growing more agitated as she realized Steven’s distress, “There are, of course, some additional manual tests I can administer, but if I knew more about how this happened…”

“Let’s just do the tests first,” Steven mumbled. He wasn’t ready- not that he’d _ever_ be ready, but he meant to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

There was a hesitation before Turquoise conceded, “As you wish, My Diamond.”

She set the screen floating to the side, then pulled out a metal instrument from her gem, reminiscent of the odd tuning-fork-thing he’d found on his mom’s table. Turquoise held it above Steven’s gem, then looked up at his face. “May I?” she asked eagerly.

Steven nodded and Turquoise tapped the device against his gem, barely enough to register as a touch. A sort of ringing, felt as well as heard, filled him; Steven shivered at the strange sensation. Turquoise let out a hum of pleasure, enraptured, and Steven furrowed his brows.

“Such a pure tone,” Turquoise fawned. “Absolutely _flawless_. Beautiful. _Never_ have I heard such a clear resonance.”

Steven tried to muster up a smile in response to the overwhelming flattery. He wasn’t sure it was well received, as Turquoise hurriedly got back to her work, returning an awkward stretch of her own lips.

She returned the tuning fork to her gem, taking out a small, flat hexagon instead. She pressed against the side and it began to emit a white light, then placed it against the flat of Steven’s gem. She looked at the words- or numbers, Steven recognized- pouring out on her screen, as the device appeared to do- absolutely nothing? Apparently Turquoise got more out of it than Steven as she hummed over the readout, swiping and tapping until, with a final shake of her head, she withdrew the light, shutting it off.

“My Diamond,” Turquoise broached, putting on a face he often saw on store employees on Earth, dealing with an unruly customer, “I am unable to find any evidence of damage, past or current, having befallen your gem. You are, to put it simply, flawless.”

“They why do I have this?” Steven protested, gesturing to the fractures that marred his stomach. He felt Blue Pearl lean closer, ever-so-slightly brushing against his arm. He let out a tense breath. It’s not like anything _worse_ could happen to him.

“I… I would need to understand the circumstances involving the onset of this…” she waved her hand, as if she could pick a suitable word out of the air, “condition, in order to provide more information.”

Steven sighed. There was really no getting out of it, was there. He kicked his heels back against the seat, staring down at the floor. He decided to start from the beginning. “Well, my mom… Pink Diamond, she- On Earth, she decided to give up her physical form to make me.” He paused, gathering his thoughts, and ignored Turquoise’s incredulous stare. “She wanted me to understand what it meant to be human, I think, so she created me with my dad- my _human_ dad, and gave me her gem.”

Turquoise’s eyes grew steadily wider as she gaped. “You _fused_ with an _organic??_ ” Her voice held horror, along with an even portion of disgust.

“No! Well, yeah- I have, and it’s _fine_ , by the way- but it wasn’t like that! It wasn’t fusion!” Or at least, Steven didn’t _think_ it was fusion. He certainly couldn’t re-fuse with his dead _corpse_ -

Steven ripped his mind back to the present, focusing in on Turquoise’s next words. “I apologize, My Diamond, I didn’t mean to offend you-”

“It’s fine!” Steven burst. _It wasn’t fine._ Turquoise seemed to agree as she made to interject. “Just- don’t worry about it. _Please_.”

“…As you wish, My Diamond.” There was a pregnant pause before Turquoise grimaced, taking the initiative. “If you wouldn’t mind continuing…?”

Steven very much did mind. He continued anyway, though with an angry bite underlaid his words. “So, I was half-human. I was born, I had a body, I was just like any other _organic_ , except, well, a bit more.” He traced his thumb over his gem. “I don’t remember who Pink Diamond was or what her life was like; I just know me, _Steven._ And I…” An image of sand, saturated in blood, flashed in his mind. He shook it away. “There… after the trial, when I escaped, Yellow and Blue came to Earth to… shatter me, because they thought I was Rose Quartz. I tried to tell them I wasn’t her, that she and Pink Diamond were the same, but they just wouldn’t- they wouldn’t _listen!_ ” He paused at a soft brush from Blue Pearl, composing himself. _Hold it together, Steven,_ he chastised, taking a deep breath. “So we fought, and-” He broke off, wiping his eyes with a shudder. “And we lost,” he finished, hushed. “Yellow- Yellow got ahold of me, and she- she thought I was so _revolting_ , she just-” He held back a sob, though tears began to pour from his eyes in earnest. “She just-”

“She removed Pink Diamond’s gem from her organic shell,” Blue Pearl finished in a whisper, sparing him the worst.

Steven hid his face in his hands, though he could feel Turquoise’s stare despite the flimsy barrier. “She killed me,” he choked. “Oh, stars, she killed me. It hurt so much, so much it was like s-she tore open every part of my body at once. And then I reformed, and I was _dead._ I saw myself _die_ , and now I’m here and everything is so awful and I just want to go home.” He sobbed, “Please, just let me go home.” And then words would no longer come, and Steven cried, clutching a stiff, shocked Blue Pearl to him as he wailed into her chest.

After a moment Blue Pearl softened, a gentle hand coming to stroke his hair, though she still kept touch as minimal as she could, granted Steven was practically in her lap. “Pink Diamond is having trouble recalling her life prior to her time on Earth,” Blue Pearl explained softly. “I’m sure you understand that the circumstances of her return to Homeworld are to be kept confidential, under pain of shattering.”

Steven shivered at the mention of shattering, but couldn’t bring himself to intervene. Now that the tears had started again they refused to stop, leaving him a weak, pitiful mess. He knew when it was over he’d feel awful for imposing on Blue Pearl like this, but for the moment he couldn’t care less. He _needed_ this.

“Of course,” Turquoise replied, quieter than he’d yet heard her, lacking the condescending air she’d taken with Blue Pearl before. “Should I… leave?”

He felt Blue Pearl’s head shake before a taut silence ensued, both gems waiting for Steven to compose himself. It took a few minutes but he eventually reigned in his tears, resting perhaps a moment longer than necessary against Blue Pearl before pulling back. True to form, he instantly felt horrible. Why was he such a useless mess?

“Sorry,” Steven said, hoarse and ashamed.

“There is no need to apologize,” the pearl replied kindly, predictable as always. She directed her next statement to Turquoise, “I assume you need no other information from Pink Diamond?”

“No,” Turquoise said quickly, straightening her posture as she was addressed. “No, I believe I’ve heard enough.”

“Your conclusion?” Blue Pearl prodded, and while Turquoise’s eyes flicked to Steven, she didn’t protest being questioned by a pearl.

“It is difficult to say…” She flicked through some pictures on her screen. “I have never heard of _anything_ regarding a gem-organic hybrid, let alone solid facts, but there are some records regarding defective gems - pearls, ambers, and jets in particular - where an instance of damage leaves blemishes upon the form that persist beyond the repair of the gemstone itself.” She froze, halting her explanation and throwing Steven a look of alarm. “Not to compare you with a mere pearl, My Diamond! Or- or to even _suggest_ that you might be anything less than a most flawless, luminous diamond- I would do no such thing, I assure you!”

“It’s okay, Turquoise,” Steven sniffled. “Go on.” He really wanted this over with now; he didn’t know how much more talking he could take.

“Yes, well, repair among more valuable, non-composite gems is still relatively new, so most information is on those we’ve had the technology to repair the longest- thus my mention of pearls. You are infinitely more radiant than any common pearl, My Diamond.”

Steven shot Turquoise a tired look, begging her to get to the point, and she clasped her hands as she silenced herself, thankfully taking the hint. He looked over at Blue Pearl, not surprised to find her glaring daggers at Turquoise, and had to suppress an inappropriate laugh.

“The matter is, your gem shows no sign of _ever_ having been damaged. Is this correct?”

Steven nodded.

“And these fractures first appeared immediately following the, ah, incident on Earth?”

Steven nodded again, forcing himself to stay relaxed (which, ironically, seemed only to make him more tense).

“I haven’t dealt with the cases I mentioned, myself- below my rank, you see- but, while your situation may broach some similarities with those on file, this is obviously a new event altogether…” Turquoise pondered for a moment, scrolling through more information on her screen. “I… hate to ask, My Diamond, but do you know if the cracks persist when you change shape- _if_ you change shape?”

“I haven’t tried… since then,” Steven answered honestly. Shapeshifting was one of the furthest things from his mind.

Turquoise nodded. “I understand; if you do decide to alter your form, I would appreciate being appraised of the results. I’m certain once we discover the cause of this problem a solution will be readily apparent, seeing as it seems not involve the function of the gemstone, itself.”

Steven blinked. “You’re going to keep trying to fix me?”

It was Turquoise’s turn to be shocked. “Of course, My Diamond. I haven’t yet begun to explore all avenues of your case- it would be a heinous act of negligence on my part to simply _give up_.” She tucked a stray strand of hair back behind her ear, tapping some notes. “I have been assigned oversight of your care directly by Blue Diamond; I assure you, I _will_ find a solution.”

“I… thank you,” Steven said, genuinely. He wasn’t sure exactly what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t for Turquoise to go to bat for him, as far as to _promise_ she’d fix him. Maybe there was still hope for him, after all.

Turquoise smiled, more bewildered than happy, but inclined her head in acknowledgement of Steven’s thanks. “I will get started on my research immediately, My Diamond,” Turquoise added, a hint of excitement in her tone. She frowned at Blue Pearl for a moment, then addressed Steven again. “Who should I report my progress to? I assume you wish to remain informed.”

“Oh, uh-” Steven had no idea what to say to that, but fortunately Blue Pearl took the reins once more.

“You will report all findings to me, on behalf of both Blue Diamond and Pink Diamond.” It was obvious she was still harboring anger over Turquoise’s earlier comments, her voice having a slight snappish edge that had never been directed at Steven.

Turquoise grimaced, but at least attempted a polite nod to Blue Pearl. The latter didn’t return the gesture. “I believe Pink Diamond is finished with your services, Turquoise.”

Turquoise looked to Steven, but when he failed to contradict the statement she saluted, offering a submissive, “My Diamond.”

“Um, bye, Turquoise,” Steven offered. “Thanks for trying.”

Said gem nodded. “I will keep you apprised, My Diamond.” She held the salute for a moment longer before spinning around, long strides taking her to the door in a matter of moments. It opened before her, giving Steven a pang of jealousy at her freedom; he swiftly smothered the emotion. He turned to Blue Pearl, still sitting next to him.

“Thank you, I really… I couldn’t have gotten through this without you.” He made sure to impress the sincerity of his words.

“It is a pleasure to be of service,” the pearl responded, and Steven sighed. She still didn’t get it, but at least she was trying.

Steven sat a moment longer, then hopped off the seat, floating gently to the ground, several feet below. “Oh,” he said, seeing Blue Pearl still elevated, “pebbles, could you lower the seat again?” The pebbles complied, and the pearl also stood.

“Do you have further need of me, Pink Diamond?” Blue Pearl asked, poised and elegant as always. Steven envied her composure.

“Oh, no, you can go if you want,” Steven answered. He really would rather she stay, but he wouldn’t blame her for leaving after he got tears and snot all over her. “I’ll be fine,” he added, an afterthought.

Blue Pearl bowed. “I will inform My Diamond that you are in need of rest, and wish to discuss matters with her at a later time.”

“Thanks,” Steven sighed, a rush of apprehension appearing and disappearing at the thought. He hadn’t even entertained that Blue might come back. He _really_ couldn’t face her right now.

The pearl rose, then she too slipped out the door. Steven took a deep breath in, then out, mind feeling like a chewed-up wad of gum stuck to the boardwalk. He really did need a break.

He walked to the wall, leaning against it and slipping down to sit on the floor. As expected, a chair rose beneath him.

“Hey, pebbles,” Steven murmured, unexpected tears in his eyes as the little gems clambered out of hiding so eagerly, cooing over him. “Are all of you okay? I didn’t hurt anyone?”

“Us pebbles are sturdier than we look!” one shouted, followed by another, “Are _you_ okay, Pink?”

Steven’s smiled wavered. “I- I’m fine,” he said, one lie in a sea of untruths.

The pebbles accepted it. Steven didn’t know why it hurt so much that they did.

Steven relaxed for a while, taking Blue Pearl’s advice and giving the pebbles his full attention. The little gems were rambunctious as ever, climbing, swinging around and giggling, always joyful. He wished he could be as happy as them, as sure of the place he occupied in the world.

The tension had finally dropped from his shoulders (and he’d managed to resummon his shirt) when a chorus of “Oh!”s preceded the pebbles tumbling back into hiding. Steven got up quickly, seeing what appeared to be a large, white bubble float through the balcony doorway. Definitely one of the stranger things he’d seen on Homeworld, and he observed it warily.

Unexpectedly, the bubble burst, revealing a colorless pearl, an eerie smile stretched across her face like a mask. Her visage was marred by a series of cracks, blinding one eye, and Steven froze under her gaze.

“White Diamond requests your presence,” the pearl announced, voice echoing strangely in the confined space, almost as if projected from elsewhere. She glided towards him, not moving a muscle, and in an instant the bubble closed around the two of them. Steven let out a cry of surprise as he felt the bubble move, taking them stars-knew-where, as the thing was entirely opaque. The creepy pearl was staring at him with her one good eye, and though Steven tried to avoid looking at her his eyes were nevertheless drawn to the fractures crossing her face. The more he looked, the more he couldn’t deny it: they were just like his. His thoughts returned to Blue Pearl, tapping vehemently upon her left eyelid as she warned him of White Diamond, the very same eye that this, very _white_ pearl was blinded in.

This was very bad.

After a few more moments of watching the pearl float, motionless, the bubble burst once more, dumping Steven unceremoniously onto a spotless white floor. The pearl floated away without another word, vanishing through a wall, and while Steven chased after her, the same surface held firm beneath his hands.

Abruptly he felt an overwhelming presence in the room; with a feeling of dread Steven turned, looking up, up, and up at the towering figure of White Diamond herself. Steven thought, fleetingly, that she was beautiful, before revising his assessment to terrifying.

The diamond matriarch stood tall, larger than life in all her brilliant glory. Her bust, perched always-overlooking Steven’s temporary abode, approximated her image well, though it hardly approached the sheer power she radiated. Steven briefly wondered why she bothered standing on a raised platform, being so tall she must tower over even Yellow and Blue, every inch of her screaming _authority_. But then, that was probably precisely why. Her arms were spread wide, frozen in welcome, her mouth turned up in a smile but devoid of warmth - of color - just as empty as the glimmering room around them. Her star-speckled cape hung, dark as night, perfect and pristine, a backdrop to a play with White as puppeteer and Steven as puppet.

“Hello, Starlight,” White spoke. Her voice rang with false pleasantry, a draft echoing through the room.

“H-hi?” Steven squeaked, but White was already talking over him.

“We’re all so _thrilled_ that you’ve finally reformed, back home at last,” White intoned, her eyes sweeping his form in a way that left Steven tense. “You gave everyone quite the scare,” she almost-teased, as if Pink’s supposed death and six-thousand year absence were nothing more than an elaborate game of hide-and-seek. The smile grew, but her eyes grew colder too, the white glow within her pupils eerie and ominous.

“Uh-” Steven tried again, but White plowed over him, giving no sign that she’d even heard him speak.

“But, thank the stars, your little game is finally over. Do you feel better now? Did you have fun? Get everything out of your system?” she asked, tone not-quite condescending, but so close that it brushed on Steven’s nerves. “Good, good,” White continued, as if sweeping the entire ordeal from her mind in that one instant. As if Steven’s mere presence signified agreement.

“I-” Steven began, more firmly, only to be drowned out by White once more. Her voice was so loud, so commanding, so _righteous_. He wasn’t going to get a single word in at this rate.

“You’ve been having some trouble settling in,” White said, an accusation veiled in concern, “but you’ll adjust. After all, Yellow and Blue do so adore you… They’ve _truly_ been desolate without you.” She, conspicuously, left herself out of her declaration of affection. “And just look at yourself; what a mess you’ve made.” She shook her head slightly, disgust flashing across her face in the brief narrowing of her eyes. “You just can’t help but leave others to pick up your pieces, can you?” There was a slight stress on the word ‘pieces’ that unsettled Steven greatly.

There was a pause where White simply looked at him, and Steven knew if he still had a heart it’d be hammering in his chest. His hands and feet felt numb, his skin tingling with danger. Then the smile returned, cold and brittle like frost. “But you have all the time in the universe to make things right, Pink. And you _will_ make things right.”

Steven opened his mouth, then shuddered, closing it again. Some instinctual part of him knew that speaking right now would be very, very bad for him.

White’s faux smile settled further into her face, still not-quite natural. “Welcome home, Pink,” she said, in a languid tone one-off from affectionate, then with a gesture of her fingers the white bubble closed around Steven again, whisking him away.

Steven shuddered, indescribably relieved to be away from White, despite their short meeting being a complete and utter failure. If Yellow and Blue were near-infinite in their power, Steven knew White was- _could only be-_ a god.

He was never going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, writing a scene that won’t debut for another 100k words at least: Ah, yes, enslaved progress.
> 
> Regarding Turquoise, it took me ages to decide whether or not Homeworld gems were capable of developing healing powers, considering Eyeball explicitly referred to Rose’s as the main contender against the “superior forces of Homeworld” in Bubbled. However, the gems in SUF are shown to obtain cracks rather frequently (and gems from across the universe aren’t constantly pouring into Earth asking for Steven to heal them or visiting the fountain, so far as I’m aware) so I decided that they could, but that it’s a new ability, developed post-revolution, and weaker and more limited than Steven’s (and not wasted on mass-produced rubies). I figure if they can repair damaged pearls at the Reef then after thousands of years they ought to know how to fix other gems. /shrug This story is canon-divergent for a reason.
> 
> Steven: Friendship ended with Repression, now Anxiety is my best friend  
> Steven 2 seconds later: Friendship regain with Repression, now Repression & Anxiety both are my best friends
> 
> Also, hey, Fragments was certainly a thing, wasn’t it. Big oof.


	6. In All Fairness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone say, “Honeymoon Phase”? Because this peace about to get yeeted.  
> CW: Discussion/threats of capital punishment (shattering) in this chapter.

Steven paced, feet rapping a sharp beat against the smooth pink floor. The pebbles watched him with interest as they scampered about, giggling as they ran in and out of his path, dodging his feet. He had been restless since his encounter with White, wound taut like a violin string, ready to snap, and every attempt at collecting himself had proven useless. So instead he paced, letting his feet pound his restlessness into dust (or so he’d hoped; he had yet to see results).

Steven knew, now, that his efforts to convince the diamonds to return him to Earth were useless. They treated him like a child, unaware of his own thoughts and self; he could scream from the rooftops that he wasn’t Pink and all he’d get in return was a trip to prison and a lesson in proper diamond behavior. Or worse. So, that option was out. Escape was an alternative, except, even if he _could_ escape Homeworld, the diamonds knew where he lived. They’d found him once before; surely his home on Earth would be the first place they’d look, given his escape plan got him farther than the door to Pink’s room, which he _still_ couldn’t open. And he couldn’t put his friends in danger like that, not again, not after... So escape was out, too. Which left… nothing. Well, almost nothing. He might be little more than a puppet compared to the other diamonds, but he still, so long as they believed he was Pink, held power. If he could figure out how to connect with the citizens of Homeworld, maybe he could help them? Even if it was only in small, insignificant ways. But that was better than nothing, right?

Steven sighed, completing another lap around the room. He was stuck here on Homeworld, probably forever. He’d expected another upwelling of emotion at the conclusion, to scream or cry or something, but he just felt numb. Empty. Tired. Maybe he’d run out of tears to cry.

His thoughts circled back to White, this time honing in on her pearl. She was so stiff, so lifeless… it was hard to believe she was a pearl at all. And the cracks on her eye: was that why she acted that way? Was Steven that broken, too? What had _happened_ to her? What had White _done_ to her?

Steven didn’t have the answers (to anything, it seemed), so he just kept pacing, turning his questions over and over, polished stones caught in the tide. One, two, three, four, he counted his strides. Fourteen, sixteen, twenty-two, thirty-seven, the tension stretched, then broke.

“Aargh!” Steven cried, stomping out onto the balcony, shooting a tepid glower at White’s head, looming against the skyline. He thumped his forehead against the stone. He couldn’t just give up on going home! He’d gotten out of more hopeless situations before, hadn’t he? He just needed to try harder! Steven groaned, thumping his head again. He was going to go mad at this rate, locked away like this. He needed to _do_ something. Something besides listening to people tell him he was his mom.

He almost ( _almost_ ) wished Blue would come back, just so that he wouldn’t be alone anymore.

Steven sighed, looking out over Homeworld once more. He thought of the sea of gems he’d seen, passing the streets far below. All these people, subjugated, oppressed beneath the diamonds’ unyielding rule, and most of them probably didn’t even know how badly off they were. How few freedoms they had. The off-colors had been trapped in the catacombs of empty kindergartens for centuries; how many more were like them? How many more lived in constant fear, abandoned just because of who- or what- they were?

He rested his face on his fist, brooding. What could he do to help?

He knew what his mom would do: run off and start a revolution. He scoffed. Yeah, because _that_ went so well. He knew what he _wanted_ to do: talk some sense into the diamonds, convince them that their tyranny was wrong, but that hadn’t exactly gone to plan either. He sighed. He didn’t want to think it was hopeless, but…

He hoped Lars and the off-colors were okay. Maybe they’d gotten back to Earth by now; maybe they’d started a new life there. A sharp pang of emotion ran through him, one that wasn’t altogether pleased at the scenario he’d thought up, and guilt followed it. If they were safe he should be happy for them. And they were safe, weren’t they? They were all safer without him, dragging around his mom’s problems and enemies. They must be happier without him messing things up.

The diamond chime sounded and Steven frowned. Blue was back already? But no… the sound was a little different, had a darker timbre to it… He walked back into the room, expectant.

The door slid open, revealing Yellow Pearl. She gave him a smug smile as she caught his eye, preening with importance. Steven stared, a rock dropped into his gut. Oh no… Not Yellow. He’d take anyone but Yellow- Well, maybe not White, but then again she hadn’t _done_ anything to him. Yet. Emphasis on yet. Why couldn’t it have been Blue?

“Pink Diamond,” the slightly-condescending voice of Yellow Pearl asserted, “My Diamond has requested your presence in the inspection chamber.”

Well, great. Steven took a steadying breath, then forced his legs to move. It’s not like he could say no.

Yellow Pearl looked him up and down critically as he approached, but didn’t comment. Steven didn’t ask, and she led the way out in her self-important strut.

Steven looked back, finding the topazes still guarding the door, and offered them a halfhearted wave. Predictably, they didn’t respond in the slightest. Didn’t even look at him. Had they even taken a break, all this time?

He wondered what’d happened to the topazes that had taken him from Earth under Aquamarine’s orders. They had wanted to help him, almost had until Aquamarine had caught them, threatening them into submission. He hoped they were okay. Maybe he could ask, make sure they hadn’t been shattered for even _thinking_ of doing the right thing.

Their path took them through halls Steven hadn’t seen before. A few times Steven slowed his pace (earning an impatient foot-tap and, “ _Ahem,_ ” from Yellow Pearl), looking out the windows. From one he saw a terraced white courtyard, filled with abstract art and small clusters of like-colored gems, prim and proper and flawless. The next showed a view of endless gem buildings, varying wildly in style and color, but all geometric masterpieces. They came together to form a coherent, ordered whole, perfect in color and symmetry, individual drops of paint on the canvas of the gem world. From another window, this one deep into Yellow’s halls, a sort of landing bay extended, high above the ground (though still below his perch), with two small spacecraft parked perfectly parallel. He saw a few nephrites and peridots working on one ship, an unknown yellow gem and what looked like a pearl watching them from behind a wall of rubies.

“Who’s that?” Steven asked, stopping to give in to his curiosity.

Yellow Pearl sauntered back, looking out the window in turn. Despite her rush, she seemed eager to answer Steven. “To who, exactly, are you referring, Pink Diamond?”

“That yellow gem,” Steven specified, pointing. Yellow Pearl followed his finger with her eyes.

“Heliodor? Do you have business with her?” She frowned at Steven skeptically.

“No, I just haven’t seen her type of gem before.” He hadn’t even heard of heliodors. But, then again, he’d learned more names of gems from Bismuth, freshly unbubbled in the temple, than from anyone else. He wasn’t exactly well-informed on the subject.

Yellow Pearl sniffed, derisive. Her distaste for this gem, Heliodor, was apparent. “Then we should continue; My Diamond awaits us.”

Steven looked out the window again, catching one last glimpse before hurrying after Yellow Pearl. “Do you know her?”

Yellow Pearl huffed, “It is not a pearl’s place to _know_ other gems.”

Steven frowned. “What about your friends? Don’t you and Blue Pearl get along?”

“I communicate effectively with any gem My Diamond requires me to. Whatever this ‘ _friends_ ’ is, it is _clearly_ outside of a pearl’s duty.”

Steven didn’t know what to make of that. A horrible thought occurred to him. “Wait, you do get time off at least, right?”

“Time off of _what_?” the pearl asked, perplexed. She didn’t seem to be enjoying Steven’s questioning whatsoever.

“Time where you’re not working? Time to relax? To do whatever you want?” Did she seriously not know?

Yellow Pearl glanced over, exasperated. “My _wants,_ ” she spat the word, as if the very taste of it was repugnant, “are _irrelevant_. My purpose is to serve My Diamond in whatever she requires. At any _time_ she requires it.”

Steven fell silent, the only sound the tapping of the pair’s feet against the ever-pristine floor. That would explain why Homeworld gems were so formal and uptight: they didn’t get time off, _ever,_ didn’t even _know_ what friends were. Was their only purpose in life to work? Did they truly find their jobs so fulfilling? Didn’t anyone make time for fun? For family?

Everything had just gotten a lot more complicated in Steven’s mind.

He remained in his thoughts until the hall opened up, transitioning into a broad, railingless bridge between two buildings. What was it with Homeworld and sheer drops?

The bridge led up to a massive door, flanked by yellow walls adorned with murals and yet another pair of twin topazes. Ornate statues lined the sides of the bridge, suspended in empty space above the drop. A few of them had fountain attachments, the graceful flowing of water augmenting their angular beauty. None of these statues seemed to be alive, though, unlike the ones outside Blue’s pool room.

Steven followed Yellow Pearl through the massive doors, heart weighing heavier with each step. The room opened up into a wide chamber, brightly lit from the diamond-shaped lights set in the wall, along with a rather ominous, ambient source of illumination Steven couldn’t pinpoint. Intricate geometric latticework ran along the walls, bubbles floating high out of Steven’s reach. A large throne dominated the room - the only furniture in it, in fact - and sat upon the throne, turned slightly away, was Yellow Diamond. Steven gulped.

“Pink,” Yellow greeted, terse. Her voice was cool, deliberately disinterested, though her hand hovered motionless over the screen before her, betraying her hidden interest.

“Hi, Yellow,” Steven offered, timid. He kept his gaze away from the diamond, taking in the room more closely.

Steven now saw there were gems floating in the bubbles around the room, some of which seemed odd- He squinted up at them. Oh stars- were those _shard fusions?_ Steven hurriedly looked away, ten times as tense; if he’d still been human he might’ve even puked. Why was she keeping those here? Did she make them? What was this, some sort of horrible gem experimentation chamber? Why would she bring Steven here??

Yellow finally tapped a finger against her screen, closing it. She peered impassively at Steven. “So, you met with White,” her words had a bite to them, a faint bitterness that bled through the monotone.

Steven nodded, keeping his eyes on his feet.

Yellow huffed. He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “Use your words, Pink. You’re not a _pearl_.”

Steven bristled momentarily; what was wrong with pearls? But anxiety overcame him again. “Y-yes, I met White,” he confirmed.

Yellow leaned back in the throne, steepling her hands. Steven watched the movements, fearful. “ _And?_ ” she queried, impatient. Expectant.

“Uh, well, she said, ‘Welcome home’?” What more did Yellow want? It’s not like they actually talked about anything; White did all the speaking, mysterious and cryptically terrifying as she monologued.

Yellow looked away, then back. She clucked her tongue, derisive. “It’s so unfair. I have hundreds of successful crystal system colonies, thousands of warships under my command, but when your _one_ colony is a failure, _you_ get to see her.” Was she… pouting?

“I…” Steven frowned. “If you really want to get her attention, why not just… fail?”

Yellow’s brows shot up. She leaned forward, staring at Steven, before her lips parted, a laugh escaping her. It boomed about the room, near-hysterical as Yellow clutched her chest.

“Oh, Pink, you remind me why I kept you around; you always did make me laugh.” She smiled, shaking her head in endearment, wiping a tear from her eye. “You’re almost worth the trouble.”

Steven offered a nervous chuckle in return. Well, that was a backhanded compliment if he’d ever heard one. Still, it was probably the nicest thing Yellow had said to him.

Yellow leaned back again, more relaxed. “Sit, Pink. You look like you haven’t seen light in centuries.” She massaged a temple. “You’re making _me_ exhausted.” Yellow waved a hand, and a group of pebbles raised a miniature throne for Steven.

Steven walked forward and took the seat, still wary, but less so than before. Yellow at least seemed like she was _trying_ to be nice to him. At any rate, she didn’t seem very likely to yell at him, lock him up, or shatter him and use his broken shards as decoration, provided he didn’t piss her off. Which, regrettably, was easier said than done.

Yellow pulled up the screen again, and Steven began to fidget. Surely she didn’t call him here just to sit around?

After a moment Yellow kneaded her brows, sighing. “There have been skirmishes in sector F-7 again. I’ll have to allocate additional forces, but to request _fifty_ warships!” She shook her head. “Absolutely ridiculous. What, am I expected to completely abandon sector T-60 and reassign the entirety of its post? My armies may be vast, but these defectives should’ve been dealt with decades ago.”

“There have been skirmishes?” Steven asked, curiosity winning out over common sense. He hoped it wasn’t Lars and the off-colors.

Yellow’s eyes flicked to him for a moment, then back to the screen. She scrolled through a few pages, then answered, “The insubordinate bismuths and off-color peridots from the botched kindergarten on Colony 417 _still_ haven’t been apprehended. To make matters worse, they’ve now corrupted at least a dozen rubies, among others, into aiding their crimes of piracy and terrorism, and acquired a force of over twenty craft in total, one of which is a military warship.” Yellow sighed wearily, though Steven couldn’t bring himself to feel sorry for her. If it were up to him (which it most definitely wasn’t), he’d let the supposed ‘defectives’ stay on Earth. He was sure the Crystal Gems would welcome them with open arms.

“It’s become increasingly apparent that at least one high-ranking gem has been aiding their efforts from the inside, aside from that _imbecilic_ chrysoprase that tried to cover up this debacle to begin with, buying them the time to become such a pest in the first place.” Yellow shook her head irritably. “Rest assured, when I find this traitor I _will_ shatter her, _personally,_ for her insolence.” Yellow’s voice was dark and cruel, and Steven shuddered. As awful as it was, he was glad the anger wasn’t directed at him.

Yellow swept her hand to the side, dispersing the screen once more. “You’re too quiet,” she accused, and Steven was unpleasantly the center of attention again. “Whatever’s bothering you, Pink, just spit it out already. _Some_ of us have work to do.”

A flash of frustration, cornered by fear, swept through Steven. Yellow was the one who’d asked for him! It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know what she wanted. He wished she’d just get the point already so he could leave. “I’m… fine, Yellow,” he stated.

Yellow leveled him a look that dripped with disbelief. “I really have to do everything for you, don’t I, Pink?” The question was plainly rhetorical, and Steven cringed. “Stars know you won’t fix your problems yourself. If anything, you’ll end up destroying yet _another_ chamber, and I assure you White will not take as kindly to your antics as Blue and I.” She paused, then, when Steven didn’t respond, really did roll her eyes. “I am offering you assistance, Pink. To take valuable time out of my day to see that whatever inane crisis you’re fixated on is removed. The _least_ you can do is accept it.”

“There’s really nothing…” _that you’d actually do_ , Steven finished silently.

Yellow remained unconvinced. “I’ve received a report of your meeting with Turquoise. She assures us that your… issue, will be rectified with utmost haste.” She paused, narrowing her eyes as Steven looked away. “What else could _possibly_ be wrong? We have been unduly patient with your little outbursts, Pink; we all know this needs to stop, both for your sake and ours.” Yellow’s fingers rapped on the arm of the throne; she studied Steven intently.

“I…” Steven began. He gripped his knees tightly, scrambling to come up with an excuse: anything that wouldn’t immediately make Yellow want to kill him.

“By the Authority, Pink, just say it!” Yellow snapped. She pounded her fist against the arm of the chair, not hard enough to break it, but more than enough to get her point across.

Steven flinched back, hand reflexively protecting his gem, and Yellow froze. Her shoulders and jaw tightened, and suddenly the tables were turned; Yellow was the one avoiding Steven’s gaze.

Abruptly, the diamond rose. She strode to a wall and it parted before her; a balcony opened out, flawlessly integrating itself into the surrounding structure. Yellow let out a tense breath, hands tightening about the railing as she looked out over the city, suspended beneath the rose-tinted sky.

Steven took a minute to collect himself, grateful that Yellow had chosen to ignore him, at least for the moment. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to explode, or worse, he got up, making his way around Yellow’s throne to peer out.

A patchwork view, partially obstructed by the railing’s twining geometric supports, suited much more for someone of Yellow’s height than his, spanned of the city surrounding them. Tall, colorful buildings and chasm-like streets glowed without the need of sun, a few small craft zipping by the open space (Steven thought they were too small to carry gems, unless they were pebbles). Transfixed, Steven drew closer, taking in the alien sights of a whole new facet of Homeworld.

The seconds passed, turning to minutes, and neither made a move to speak. Steven began to relax again, eventually drawing close to an empty square in the fence, of perfect height to peer over. He crossed his arms, resting his chin on them, and watched the city bustle around the still balcony, an empty alcove in a sea of purpose.

Eventually, though, Yellow remembered him, breaking the silence. “Why have you done this to us, Pink?” the diamond lamented, worn. “We gave you everything you ever wanted. When you asked for your own Court, we gave you the gems to fill it. When you cried for your little toys and odd chambers, your silly zoos, we built them. When you begged, _begged_ for a colony, we provided it to you, along with research facilities, weapons, and an army to conquer it! I gave you a hundred of my best ships, manned with my most effective crews, despite the fact that the primitive lifeforms in the area posed no risk to any gem. I provided you everything you needed to succeed, and you threw it away! And for what? To rid yourself of the responsibility you pled for? To play at war? To protect some insignificant organics? To _pretend_ to be someone else?” Yellow looked down at him. “And you’re still pretending, Pink,” she stated bitterly, a pain in her expression hinting at betrayal.

“I’m not,” Steven insisted. “I’m not pretending.”

“This isn’t a joke,” Yellow spat. “You-”

“I’m not joking!” Steven interrupted.

Yellow threw up her hand, shouting, “That’s _enough_ , Pink!”

Steven shut his mouth with an audible snap, breath leaving him in a shudder. Yellow’s hand curled into a fist as she looked away once more, anger written in every line of her body. A moment passed, both of them stiff with tension, before Yellow sighed, exhaustion mingling with exasperation. She rested her elbow on the rail, laying her hand across her eyes. If he didn’t know better, Steven would’ve thought she was in pain.

“Why must it always come to this, Pink?” Yellow mused, cynical. She threw her hand out in an exasperated gesture. “To keep the company of rebels, defectives, and organics over your own kind… What did we do to deserve such hatred? All we ever asked, all we ever wanted was for you to shine: become the diamond you were made to be. And you repay our kindness with lies. Grief.”

“I never wanted this,” Steven said sadly.

Yellow looked to him, skeptical. “Then what _did_ you want?” Her words were frustrated, but held an honest question, a need to _know_.

A beat, maybe two, of a human heart passed, somewhere far away from this place. “I don’t know,” Steven answered, voice soft as he blinked back a sudden wave of tears. He wished he did.

Yellow pondered a moment, pressing her knuckles to her lips, before she turned around, leaning back against the rail. She crossed her arms over her chest, though the motion was more thoughtful than angry.

“You always were so soft, Pink. So naïve. I…” She stared off into the middleground, caught in images Steven couldn’t see. “I regret not doing more to keep you safe.”

The almost-apology surprised Steven. It wasn’t an admission of guilt, but it was apparent that even Yellow didn’t like the animosity between them- was attempting to rectify it. Steven felt a bitter pang run through his chest, an echo of something that might have been. Maybe things weren’t as hopeless as he feared; maybe there was still time to change the diamonds’ minds.

“I’m sorry, Yellow,” Steven said, and the diamond started from her thoughts, looking to him in surprise. “This is all my fault.” Even Yellow was hurting because of his mom- because of _him._

“Yes, it is,” Yellow agreed, punctuated by a bitter laugh. “Though I never expected _you_ to admit it.”

“I… I kinda pride myself on surprising people,” Steven offered, sharing a shy smile.

His attempt to lighten the mood worked: Yellow’s lip quirked up; her eyes softened. They breathed in sync, drinking in the momentary truce.

“Why did you call me here?” Steven asked, after a moment.

Yellow looked away, a frown appearing once more. “You met with White,” she stated, deadpan.

“… _Oh_ ,” Steven realized, finally seeing the picture. Yellow rolled her eyes. “She- Really, nothing happened. She just talked for a bit; I couldn’t even get a word in edgewise.”

Yellow huffed a laugh. “That sounds like White. The last time _I_ spoke with her, I managed to get in a total of six words and a hand gesture.” She smirked. “Blue and I have a running bet on who can get her to listen the longest; naturally, I’m in the lead, have been for the past seventeen-thousand years.”

Steven smiled, despite himself. He hadn’t thought of the diamonds in that way before, to be so petty as to bet on conversations. He wondered what the prize would be for winning.

“Maybe Blue would do better if she talked louder,” Steven suggested, and Yellow gave an appreciative chuckle.

“She would never; you know what she says,” Yellow began to mimic Blue’s voice, with a surprising degree of success, “‘To raise one’s voice is to admit weakness.’ Hah! And she wonders why her colonies take twice as long to build as mine.” Yellow shook her head wryly. “For once she could take a shine to your methods, Pink. You’ve never had trouble making yourself heard.”

Steven shuffled awkwardly, letting out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “Sorry,” he murmured.

Yellow huffed. “You’ve never been _sorry_ for anything in your life, Pink; by all means, don’t start doubting yourself now. It’s unbecoming.” Steven was confused; she’d seemed to accept his apology earlier, yet she didn’t want him to apologize now? Yellow interrupted his thoughts, continuing without venom, “However _deplorable_ your actions have been, at least you’ve held firm to them: the one thing you’ve done right,” she paused, raising her brows with an vexed half-roll of her eyes, “even when you do everything else _entirely_ wrong.”

Steven wasn’t quite sure how to respond; he couldn’t decide if she was reprimanding him or praising him- well, his mom. Could she possibly do both? His thoughts were cut off once again, this time by the sound of footsteps. Judging by how light they were he expected Yellow Pearl, and a moment later his guess was proved right.

“My Diamond, it is time for your meeting with Demantoid,” Yellow Pearl asserted, smug as always.

“Already?” Yellow pushed off from the rail with a sigh, brushing some nonexistent dust from her glove. “Walk with me, Pink.”

“Oh, okay,” Steven acquiesced, following in Yellow’s wake.

He forced himself not to look at the bubbles (and the horrors they contained) as they passed through the throne room once more, then out and across the bridge. Yellow walked at an accommodating speed, slow enough that Steven and Yellow Pearl barely had to rush to keep pace. It was interesting to see the almost ridiculously ornate diamond-sized hallways instead of the plainer ones the pearls had led him through, even if it did leave him feeling exposed, and Steven found himself falling a bit behind to take it all in.

Yellow glanced back at him, perhaps to see if he was still there, before chiding, “Keep up, Pink.” She waited until Steven had fallen in step beside her to continue. “You’ve been spending too much time sulking in your personal chamber. You should redecorate; that’s always cheered you up.”

Steven bit his lip. “Wasn’t everything just repaired…?” He really had more important things on his mind at the moment. Besides, he didn’t know the first thing about Homeworld-approved décor, and he wouldn’t want to undo anyone’s hard work… and it’s not like any of his mom’s stuff was really _his._

Yellow rolled her eyes. “Yes, I heard about your little tantrum from Blue. At least you managed to see sense in the end. But, that aside, now is the perfect time to improve your chambers; the laborers have already been acquainted with your return.” She clapped her hands together, decided. “I’ll set up a meeting for you with several of my most prominent architects- well, and perhaps one or two of Blue’s; you know how she is about art- and you can refit your rooms to your preference.” An unfamiliar green gem in a full-length dress crossed the hall behind them, offering a quick salute, but Yellow paid no notice, continuing her spiel. “So much has changed- the holograms in particular, just wait until you see them in color! They’re every bit as detailed as video, now. And you’ll love some of the new crystal the Bismuths have come up with. It sparkles like nothing else- too gaudy for my tastes, but Blue insisted on continuing development even after your… absence.” Yellow’s smile grew tight, but only for a moment. She looked down at Steven, encouraging, “You’ll be so glad to have a new project, won’t you Pink?”

It wasn’t truly a question, but Steven still felt pressured to answer. “Yeah… of course.” He forced a smile, and Yellow’s grew more satisfied in return.

“It’s settled then.” Yellow nodded to herself, accentuating her confidence with a decided motion of her hand. “Everything will be perfect; you’ll leave all your nonsense in the past and move on to better things, those suitable for your station.”

Steven withheld a sigh. Yellow was appraising him, no doubt waiting for another affirmative, another promise to do better, but he couldn’t bring himself to offer one. It would only be a lie. He settled on another insincere smile, which, fortunately, Yellow seemed to accept.

The hall reached a fork ahead, marked by two sets of enormous doors, and Yellow took the left path, the wider of the two. The door opened soundlessly at their approach, though the noise of shouting reached Steven’s ears a moment later. Rounding the corner, a gaggle of quartzes could be seen: a few jaspers, some amethysts, and what looked to be a red agate: the one responsible for said yelling. The group’s yellow jumpsuits marked them as a part of Yellow’s army… or maybe court? They served Yellow, anyway.

Upon seeing Yellow the majority of the gems froze, backing against the wall and offering an assortment of dutiful and startled salutes. Unfortunately for the agate, her back was turned, leaving her to continue railing against a progressively-more-terrified amethyst, desperately trying (and failing) to alert her commander to the diamond looming behind her.

The agate, completely ignorant to Yellow’s increasingly-aggravated stare, continued her rant, “-might as well replace you with a pebble! You can’t even-”

“Agate,” Yellow snapped, words like a whip’s crack, and said gem spun about. She clumsily stumbled into a salute as she looked forward, then up, realizing just who was before her.

“My Diamond!” she cried. “Forgive me-”

“Do clarify why, exactly, you thought it appropriate to conduct yourself so negligently in the diamond halls,” Yellow demanded, cutting off what was likely to be a hopeless excuse.

If gems could pale, Steven was sure Agate would be white. She sputtered, “M-my Diamond, I can explain, this amethyst-”

“Then _explain yourself_ , Agate, so I don’t have to listen to your excuses,” Yellow commanded, tapping her foot to emphasize her impatience, looming menacingly over the other gem.

Agate gulped. Her eyes dashed around; the other quartzes did their best to avoid returning her gaze, stiffly holding their salutes. “Please forgive me, your Radiance, I shouldn’t have disturbed you by reprimanding this worthless soldier here. I assure you, this will never happen again.”

Yellow considered this for a moment, then waved a hand dismissively, saying, “Ensure that it doesn’t.” The short statement sounded much more threatening than it had any right to. As Agate opened her mouth Yellow continued, “Now _leave_. Before I reconsider my leniency.”

Agate bowed, practically groveling before Yellow. “Of course, My Diamond! Right away, My Diamond.” She turned to the soldiers, her personality doing a one-eighty before Steven’s eyes. “You heard your Diamond! Move it, you lazy clouts, before I turn you lot into paperweights!”

The other quartzes scurried into a formation, shooting terrified, aweful glances back at Yellow as they began to march in time down the hall. The amethyst that had been reprimanded fell in last, cowed under the judgmental watch of both Yellow and Agate, very much looking like she would rather be back in her kindergarten hole than here.

For a moment the situation seemed resolved, at least until the procession made a sharp turn into a connecting (much smaller) hall. While the rest of the quartzes kept their steps in perfect sync, the last amethyst was ever-so-slightly off-step, and when she pivoted into the turn she tripped over her own feet, falling face first into the others. Several toppled like dominoes, coming to form a very ungainly pile of mortified gems, trying to untangle themselves.

Agate seemed even redder than before as she shouted, “Get up, you worthless heaps of dirt! What do you think you’re doing; your _Diamond_ is watching!”

Yellow stalked forward; the hall held its breath. The quartzes quickly regained their feet, offering salutes as they glared at the offending amethyst.

“I am so sorry, My Diamond,” Agate spoke. “I assure you this amethyst will be punished most severely.” She began to aggressively shoo the quartzes on, but Yellow held up a hand.

“Stop.” Yellow spared barely a glance for Agate before her eyes bored once more into the cowering amethyst’s skull. “ _What_ ,” she spat, “is the meaning of this?”

Steven couldn’t help but shrink back at Yellow’s tone, an imitation of the amethyst’s flinch. The purple gem grimaced, though her voice barely betrayed her anxiety, “It was a mistake, My Diamond. It won’t happen again.”

“A mistake,” Yellow repeated.

Surprisingly, the agate spoke up, “My Diamond, there’s really no need to concern yourself with something so trivial…”

Yellow’s eyes flashed and the agate, wisely, stopped talking. “Just how long has this one,” she gestured dismissively to the poor amethyst, “been causing these problems?”

“My Diamond,” the agate began placatingly, but one of the jaspers interrupted.

“She’s been messing up our drills for weeks! Uh, My Diamond.”

“And is there a _reason_ for these interruptions, Amethyst?” Yellow asked, and Steven had a terrible feeling about whatever was to happen next.

The amethyst was starting to look very faint. An edge of panic crept into her voice, “I- It’s not what you think- I’ll pay more attention!”

“I don’t want excuses, Amethyst, I want answers.” Yellow paused, leaving the amethyst gaping like a fish. She gave an exasperated shake of her head, then looked back to the agate. “I’ve seen enough. This gem is clearly unfit for duty.”

“Please, My Diamond! I’ll do better! I-”

Yellow talked over the amethyst, loudly, “You’ve had your chance and you’ve _failed_ ; those who cannot serve must be culled from the ranks for the benefit of the whole.” Her voice was like ice, and it cut just as fiercely into Steven’s chest. She turned back to the agate, then, dreadfully, the fateful words came. “Break her.”

There was a collective intake of breath. For a moment Steven thought the agate would object, but then she bowed, resigned. “Yes, My Diamond.”

No… he couldn’t let this happen. He had to do something! But his mind was reeling, his limbs leaden; all he could see was blood and sand…

“No!” the amethyst cried, an echo of Steven’s thoughts. “Please, don’t do this! I won’t make a mistake again, I swear-!”

“ _Shut_ your mouth!” Yellow’s patience was clearly gone. She drew back her hand, crackling with electricity…

Steven forced his body into motion. Act now; think later! He stepped forward, propelling himself between the now-groveling amethyst and Yellow, arms outstretched.

“Stop!” he yelled, and the sharp crack of shattered glass echoed through the hall. He didn’t bother to check what he’d broken this time.

For a moment there was silence, Yellow glaring down at him, barely keeping her own powers in check. “This isn’t your concern, _Pink-_ ”

“It _is_ my concern! You can’t just kill someone for making a mistake! She-”

It was Yellow’s turn to cut him off. “Do not interrupt! This inadequacy cannot be allowed to continue. If we bend the rules for one, we must bend them for _everyone!_ I cannot permit that to happen!”

“Then demote her or something! She _tripped_ ; accidents happen all the time!” It wasn’t _fair!_

“They do _not_!” Yellow lowered her voice warningly. “Don’t presume to know better than me what is necessary.”

Steven could feel himself shaking. “What, because you think she’s _defective?_ Is that it?”

Yellow growled, “Of course she’s defective! In case you’ve _forgotten_ , Amethysts are soldiers; they do not simply _trip_ , let alone show a pattern of such ineptitude, unless they are fundamentally flawed. Now _move,_ or-”

“Or what? You’ll make me? You’ll _shatter me?_ ” Steven held his ground, and for once Yellow was speechless. “Then go ahead, Yellow!” he cried, tears running down his face. “I’m ten times as defective as this amethyst, and you know it!”

Yellow looked away, hissing, “You’re not _defective_ , Pink.” She seemed sickened by the very thought.

Steven knew he should stop, but he couldn’t keep the words from rolling off his tongue, marred as they were by sobs. “Yes, I am! The very first time you saw me you said I should be _shattered_ just- just for looking like myself! Everything I do is a failure to you, from Earth right down to my very _existence!_ Well, go ahead, Yellow! Uphold your stupid rules! I’m already broken, so just do it; finish what you started!” He stared Yellow down, daring her to reply. “ _Well?_ ” he demanded. “What are you waiting for?”

Yellow’s fist clenched, so tight it looked as if her fingers might break, but, tellingly, she said nothing.

Steven looked away. “That’s what I thought,” he murmured. He couldn’t help the trickle of relief that flowed through him; Yellow wasn’t going to shatter him, after all.

He let out a pitiful noise, scrubbing his face as he shunted down his turmoil. _This isn’t about you._ He ignored the stunned faces of the gems around him, turning instead to the amethyst behind him. She stared up at him, shaking, tears running down her face. She seemed to be in shock, unable to say a word, and Steven knew in that instant that he would do anything to protect her.

“Come with me,” Steven said, reaching out a hand.

The amethyst stared for a moment, then grabbed it desperately, as if clutching a sinking lifeline. Steven pulled her to her feet and for a moment they stared eye-to-eye, sharing something deeper than words.

“I won’t let them hurt you,” Steven reassured, with a degree of confidence he certainly didn’t feel. Truth be told, he wouldn’t put it past Yellow to crush him at any moment. He started walking, dragging the amethyst along with him, away from her impending doom.

“ _Where_ do you think you’re going, Pink?” Yellow regained her words, immediately demanding answers.

“I’m going… I’m going to my room,” Steven replied. It’s not like he could go anywhere else.

Yellow grit her teeth. It seemed she was trying desperately to retain her composure. “That’s _not_ going to happen. Let the amethyst go, and I won’t have to take you back to the tower.”

Steven stopped. He squared his back, looked up into his murderer’s face, and spat the one word he desperately wished he didn’t have to say, “No.”

“Pink, this is your _final_ warning.” Yellow’s voice was quiet now, a furious hiss between her teeth, but Steven refused to be cowed by it.

“No, Yellow.” Steven summoned his shield in his free hand, holding it at the ready, only vaguely noticing its distinctly not-round shape. “I won’t let you hurt her, even if I- have to fight you!” His breath was coming quickly now, the room closing in, but he was betting this was a bluff. There was no way Yellow would _actually_ fight him, right? Not after-

Yellow looked to the shield, to the gems still clustered by the hall, then back to him, fists clenching and unclenching. Steven saw the look on her face change, harden into something distinctly _diamond_ , and he blanched. _Oh, stars._ He was truly dead this time. He turned to look at the amethyst behind him, still clutching his hand like it was the only object left in the world, then back to Yellow, then to the cluster of gems to his left, the small hallway behind them. Stuck in the midst of a million possibilities, for a split-second there was only stillness, a heavy fog of indecision. Until Yellow moved. She stepped forward and Steven, fighting back panicked visions of death, turned tail and ran to the hall, too small for Yellow to follow, if only he could reach it before- _No,_ he wouldn’t let that happen! He pushed past the quartzes in his way, the warm hand in his - someone he _needed_ to protect - the only thing keeping him from breaking down on the spot.

His terrible feeling had been a terrible, terrible understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray, Steven made a friend! Oh, wait…
> 
> Sucks to be a pearl with no rights, no benefits, no time off, amirite?
> 
> Fun fact, heliodor is one of six named types of beryl, including aquamarine (and subtype maxixe), bixbite, emerald, goshenite, and morganite. Like Emerald and Aquamarine, Heliodor is a military-class gem, and a high-ranking one at that! She functions primarily as a strategist and commander, though she also has skill in combat. (The rubies are mostly for show; her primary citrine guards stayed behind to guard her ship. She likes to bring rubies along on diplomatic encounters to be perceived as taller than she is.) Her appearance in this chapter is shortly after she finished conducting meetings with several members of the Yellow Court, including Yellow Diamond herself. Her shuttlecraft required some minor repairs that were incorrectly logged, resulting in a delay in departure and a very peeved Heliodor. Yellow Pearl hates her because she insulted her shoulder ruffs once. (Why all the information, you ask? Because I cannot help but overdesign one-off characters that will likely never appear again. Creativity is a curse, but one I need to live.)
> 
> Also, just putting this out there, but my diamonds’ powers are not going to comply with SUF canon… not that there’s anything wrong with, ehm, uplifting substances, among other things, but no thanks. Like, I do love me some redeemed diamonds, and I get the whole “reverse-powers” deal going on in canon, but I’d just prefer to have a bit more tact with their character development. Just like trauma, deeply ingrained abusive patterns and behaviors (let alone systematic oppression reinforced by a caste-type society), don’t magically go away. It takes both time and significant effort (and usually therapy) to change so drastically. To quote Lapis, “No one’s that well-adjusted.”


	7. Fugitive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the resounding support in the comments! I truly appreciate hearing from each and every one of you!
> 
> Sorry this has taken so long to get out! I’ve become a little obsessed with ACNH, so I’ve sunk more time than I should’ve into that, haha. I also needed some time to decompress from the SUF finale. Regardless, I’m back in the swing of things and plan to put the next chapters out within a more reasonable timeframe.

Steven didn’t know how long they ran; it was hard to judge time when exertion didn’t seem to affect him anymore. They ran until his limbs fell numb, not with exhaustion, but with something far worse; something that coiled like dread about his gem and pooled in his throat, tight and sickening. If the amethyst with him hadn’t tugged him to a stop, he might’ve kept running forever.

But he didn’t.

The pair ducked into an alcove, lost in some nondescript green hall; they hadn’t passed another gem in ages. Steven sank to the floor, wrapping his arms around his waist. He felt… bad. Really, really bad. But he was fine, wasn’t he? Yellow hadn’t hurt him… yet. Stars, had he really just done that? Defied _Yellow_? She was going to _kill_ him! _Again!_

Steven groaned, flinching when something- oh, right, the amethyst- crouched down in front of him. He blinked rapidly. “I… You don’t magically have a ship that can get us off Homeworld, do you?” He laughed, more hysterical than he had any right to sound.

The amethyst shook her head haltingly, leveling him an oddly cautious stare.

“Of course you don’t. That would be too easy,” Steven spat, bitterness welling with him. The gem tensed, and he cringed. He didn’t have any right to take this out on her.

“Sorry,” Steven muttered, looking down. “I- I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

“My… Diamond?” the amethyst queried, confused.

“I should’ve done better. If I’d have just thought for a second, I know I could’ve talked her out of hurting you! I shouldn’t’ve have gotten so upset, so… Ugh! Now you’re a fugitive, and it’s all because of me!”

The amethyst blinked at him. “What- Are… you okay?” She paused, and then the both of them were gazing at each other, surprised. “You… _are_ Pink _Diamond_ , right?”

Stars, if _that_ wasn’t a loaded question. “That’s- more or less.” He gave a slight shrug, as if that would clarify things.

The amethyst wavered. “Uh…” She offered a tentative diamond salute. “My… Diamond… Thanks, for having my back. I’ve never- I mean, no one’s ever…” She shut her mouth abruptly, cheeks and hands glowing a slightly brighter purple as she seemed to realize just how unprecedented their situation was. “It’s truly an honor to- uh-”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Steven interrupted, sparing her from continuing her mess of a sentiment. “Anyone would’ve done the same.” _Except they didn’t,_ Steven’s mind reminded him, unhelpfully.

“No, they wouldn’t-!” the amethyst protested, unknowingly agreeing with Steven’s inner thoughts, before she stiffened. “Never mind- of course- you’re right, My Diamond.”

Steven pressed his palms into his eyes, taking a shuddering breath. “Please don’t call me that,” he asked, sounding whinier than he’d meant to. He needed to get a handle on his emotions, fast.

A taut silence ensued. He could practically- no, he really _did_ feel the tension emanating from the gem before him. He sighed, adding, “It’s not your fault; you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just- my name is Steven, not Pink Diamond.”

Another pause. “Steven,” the amethyst stated dubiously.

Steven uncovered his eyes, finding his impromptu partner-in-crime hunched into a crouch, one hand cupping the back of her neck as she scowled at the wall to her right, voluminous waves of hair flowing around her. “What is a Steven?” she mused, pondersome.

Steven sighed again. Might as well get the explanation over with. “Pink Diamond was my mom; she gave up her form and her gem to make me: half-gem-half-human, organic, whatever, and then I- Uh. Well, long story short, I’m not exactly half-human anymore.” Not his best effort, but he really hoped he wouldn’t have to elaborate further.

Purple eyes sought out his own. Steven expected judgement, maybe disgust, but instead they held a sort of shadowed curiosity, fearful with a flicker of... something keen. “Steven,” she repeated, this time a statement of fact. “Thank you, My Steven.”

Steven couldn’t help but laugh, feeble as it was; so what if it was still a title, she’d called him, _Pink-Diamond-stand-in,_ by his _name!_ Typical: the first time someone calls him his name on Homeworld, and it’s when he’s done everything he could possibly do wrong. He shook his head, trying to clear the clouds from his thoughts. This whole situation got more ridiculous by the moment; it was all his muddled head could do to keep up.

“Wait,” Steven realized, mind skipping tracks, “are _you_ okay?” The amethyst looked away, suddenly sheepish, and Steven took a closer look at her. For all intents and purposes, she looked like any other _non-Amethyst_ amethyst; tall, broad, purple. Her fluffy mane of hair reached her mid-back, a dusty mauve compared to his Amethyst’s pale lavender, her skin a rich lilac hue and her eyes a clear, light shade of the same. He couldn’t spot her gem, but for all her normalcy she seemed… she _felt_ off. Somehow, Steven _knew_ there was something wrong with her, even if he couldn’t see it. He… couldn’t know that though, could he?

He continued more urgently, “It’s okay if you’re not- you know, perfect. I’m not either.” He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, deliberating, but at the amethyst’s continued despondency he lifted his shirt, revealing his gem along with his glaring _flaw_.

The amethyst’s eyes snapped to him, wide with shock. “Did _they_ do that to you?” she whispered. There was no question who she meant.

Steven froze, dropping his shirt. “I- it’s not their fault!” His words had more bite than he’d wanted, and the amethyst flinched. “I’m sorry,” Steven placated, holding out his hands. “It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” The amethyst’s gaze kept flashing to his navel, even reconcealed as it was, and Steven tried again, keeping his voice low and soothing, “It was an accident. It doesn’t hurt; you don’t have to worry. I just wanted you to know you can trust me.” A pause. “I can help you… but not unless tell me what’s wrong.”

The amethyst shifted, looking away. She still didn’t seem eager to talk. He didn’t blame her.

Steven tried something else. “What’s your name? Or- designation, or whatever you guys get on Homeworld.” He gave her a small, almost-genuine smile. “You already know I’m Steven.”

“Amethyst Facet-2 Cut-185FC,” she recited, dutiful in a habitual way. She glanced back to Steven searchingly, almost as if looking for approval.

“Huh,” Steven huffed. “That’s a bit... long. How about…” He spared a moment for thought. “How about I call you Amy! If that’s okay?”

“As you wish, My- Steven.” She caught herself before she could call him _Diamond_ , for which Steven was grateful.

Steven frowned. “If you don’t like it, I can call you something else. I just… I thought maybe we should get to know each other better. Maybe you’d be more comfortable?”

The amethyst- Amy, gave him another one of those intensely skeptical looks. “Why would _you_ want to know _me?_ ”

Steven was taken aback, even though he really should’ve expected this. “Look…” he clarified, “just because of what I am… it doesn’t mean I _want_ to be a diamond. You- your opinions- they matter just as much as mine do. So if you’re hurting or something, just tell me, okay? I really do want to help.”

The skepticism grew, then waned as Amy stared, eyes narrowed. “You- you’re not lying.”

Steven shook his head. “Of course not.” He smiled, wry, “I wouldn’t have yelled at Yellow if I didn’t _actually_ want to help you.”

Amy opened her mouth, sucked in a breath, then nodded. “Fair point,” she conceded. “You can call me whatever you want; some of the others call me- some things, but I don’t really like that.” She grimaced, then nodded to herself again. “Amy is better.”

“So…” Steven pressed, “will you tell me what’s wrong, now?”

Amy huffed, a hint of a laugh. “You’re not going to give up, huh, little diamond.” Her hand crept up behind her neck again, and whatever phantom of mirth she’d held disappeared. “There’s nothing you can do to help me.”

“You don’t know that,” Steven objected. “I can heal, you know.”

Amy’s eyes dropped to his navel, then away, trying to hide her glance. She made an awkward sound in her throat, entirely giving her thoughts away.

“That’s different,” Steven said, flat. “My gem isn’t the problem; something else is. If yours is cracked I can fix it. Promise.”

Amy looked back at him, indecisive. He could practically see her thoughts whirring behind her eyes. Finally, she stretched her neck to either side, flipped up her hair, then leaned forward, presenting the back of her neck - and gem, placed just at the base of her skull - to him. “Whatever,” she relented. “You do what you gotta do.”

At first glance, nothing seemed wrong. On second, everything did. It was obvious that the amethyst’s gem was cracked, but not like Amethyst on Earth had been. No, this crack was far more subtle, barely a hairline fracture that followed the lines of her hexagonal facet… and yet, the plane the crack surrounded seemed to have been pushed out, jutting barely a millimeter above the rest, but seeming so, so very wrong to Steven’s eyes. He couldn’t withhold a shudder. How had she been keeping herself together all this time, damaged like this? Why hadn’t anyone helped her? He leaned in closer.

“How long has-”

“Thirty-four cycles,” Amy answered quickly, stressed. “Would you just get it over with already?”

“‘Course. Sorry.” Steven licked his fingers, smoothing them gingerly over the crack in the gem; it sealed together almost instantly. Amy, seeming to sense the repair, shot up, frantically brushing her hair back into place to conceal her gem.

“Wait,” Steven protested, “I should make sure everything settled back in right! It looked like one of your facets was pushed out of place-”

“It’s nothing,” Amy snapped, running her fingertips searchingly over her gem. “Just forget about it.”

Steven fell silent for a moment, trying to piece together the puzzle before him. Why was she so defensive? So… _oh._ Of course. “You’re off-color, aren’t you?” he asked, gentle.

Amy froze, sheer terror on her face. It was the same look she’d given Yellow. “Please,” she whispered, “please don’t shatter me.” She gripped the back of her neck - her gem - tightly, protectively.

“No- no! I wouldn’t- Never!” Steven took a breath. “I’m not going to hurt you, and I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you either, okay?”

Amy clenched her unoccupied fist, looking down as if the floor held the answers to her questions. She chose silence.

“Did someone do this to you?” Steven asked. How else would she have gotten a crack, when her gem was in such a hidden place? He lowered his voice, hushed despite their solitude, “Did someone find out?”

“No.” She stood, then leant against the wall, deliberately avoiding Steven’s gaze. She crossed her arms, looking for all the world like any perfectly average Homeworld amethyst, casual and aloof. She glanced back to Steven a moment, shifted uncomfortably, and remarked, reluctantly, “I… I tried to fix it.”

“You- your gem?” Steven whispered, horrified. Surely, she didn’t mean…

Amy nodded, curt. “I thought, if I could just _make_ it right, I could stop being so scared…” She shook her head. “I was stupid. And this,” she gestured vaguely, “is what I get for not accepting how good I had it.”

“It’s not your fault,” Steven said, rewarded with another slight glance. “Sometimes… bad things happen. And you can’t fix them no matter how hard you try, so you just have to live with them, you know?” She looked over again. “And sometimes those bad things can come together to make something good. Like me meeting you.” He offered a smile.

Amy shook her head, but he could see her mouth turn up. She shrugged. “Never thought I’d meet a cracked diamond, either.” She breathed in, then out, and a portion of the weight she carried left her. “So, what’s the plan, _your Brilliance?_ ” The title was said with such dryness that Steven had to bite back a snicker.

“Ah, to tell you the truth, I didn’t really think we’d get past the whole running-away bit,” Steven admitted, shrugging awkwardly.

Amy laced her hands behind her neck, looking up. “Hmph. Guess that’s a start; it’s worked well enough so far.”

Steven abruptly realized he had no idea where they were. It would’ve been one thing to get lost in Blue’s or Yellow’s fortresses, where the wall color could guide him in the right direction (whatever right was, when everything was wrong), but the walls here were _green._ Though, as much as being lost filled Steven with trepidation, knowing he’d covered enough distance that he was out of the Diamonds’ direct domains was a relief; it would definitely take them a while to find them here.

“Hey, uh, Amy?” Steven queried, and said amethyst responded with an affirmative grunt. “Do you know where we are?”

A disbelieving snort answered him. “I thought you diamonds were supposed to know everything?”

Steven rolled his eyes. “If only. The diamonds can’t even get it through their gems that I’m not my mom,” he sighed.

Amy looked over, as if to question, then shook her head, deeming whatever it was unimportant to verbalize. “We’re over by the research division. These halls are mostly used for transport these days; no one will come looking for me here.”

“Oh,” Steven said, relieved. At least _someone_ knew where they were. “Do you know a lot about Homeworld?”

Amy shrugged noncommittally. “You learn a thing or two after seventeen-thousand years.”

Steven gaped. Amy caught his stare and pulled a discomforted face.

“What?” she asked.

“You’re so old! You’re even older than Pearl!” Steven said excitedly.

Amy frowned. “What pearl?” She looked around, as if Pearl would materialize out of the air, then added, “You’re older than me.”

Steven shook his head. “I told you, when my mom gave up her form to make me, I didn’t get any of her memories. I’m only fourteen.” He realized he didn’t know how Homeworld told time, so he added, “Earth years.”

Amy blinked. “Fourteen… thousand?” she queried, confused.

Steven shook his head again. “Just fourteen.”

Amy made a sort of strangled noise; her eyes grew wide. “What?!” exclaimed, making Steven flinch.

“What?” he echoed back, startled.

“You- you’re _fourteen_?” Amy cried, incredulous. “Fourteen _years?_ ” She let out a heavy breath, leaning heavily against the wall and hiding her face in her hands. “So new…” It seemed like she was having some kind of crisis.

“Is something wrong?” Steven asked, concerned. “Is- is that bad?”

Amy gave him a doleful look, face still half-hidden behind her fingers. “You really don’t know anything, do you?”

It was a fact Steven was coming to realize more and more. He laughed awkwardly. “Guess not…” He offered Amy a tepid smile.

Amy shook her head, taking a deep breath as she seemed to come out of whatever shock she’d been experiencing. “Right,” she said, more to herself than Steven. “Right. Okay.” She ran her hand over the back of her neck, touching her gem as if to reassure herself it was still there. “Any other surprises you want to get off your gem?”

“Uh…” Steven bit his lip.

“Never mind,” Amy sighed, before he could even begin to hash out what might be surprising to a Homeworld gem, “I don’t want to know.” She made a fist, tapping it against her leg as she thought. “We can’t stay here forever; eventually a patrol will come through.” She shook her head. “If it was just me I could try to talk my way onto a cargo ship, but with you… Well, you’re not exactly unrecognizable.”

Steven slouched, not for the first time cursing his incessant pinkness. “Yeah, you’re right about that.” He sighed. “I wish I’d asked Lars more about how he got the off-colors out of here…”

Amy perked up, suddenly interested. “Lars? As in the _human_ , Lars?”

“Yeah? Do you know him?” Steven asked.

Amy chuckled. “Half of Homeworld has heard of the _organic_ that stole Emerald’s prize ship. _After_ escaping with _Rose Quartz_ from the Diamonds’ trial.” She smirked. “That loud-mouthed Ruby must’ve personally told everyone in the Yellow court twice over.” She laughed again, then furrowed her brow. “Wait… if you- uh, Pink Diamond- wasn’t shattered, then…?”

Steven let out a huff of breath. “It’s a long story. Mom- Pink Diamond apparently decided that the best way to save Earth from… herself… was to fake her own shattering.” At Amy’s blank look, he stated, “Pink Diamond _was_ Rose Quartz. Which I found out after I turned myself in for the trial.”

Amy hesitated a moment, parsing. “…Right. So, you’re _not_ -Rose Quartz _and_ _not_ -Pink Diamond.”

Steven shrugged. “Yeah, essentially.”

Amy shook her head in incredulity. “And you know Lars, the space-pirate…” She took a breath, processing. “How _did_ he escape Homeworld?”

“Well,” Steven mused, “apparently gem tech isn’t tuned for organics… He probably walked right through whatever security they had around the ship and just… took it.”

Amy raised her brows, looking impressed. “That… could actually work.” The she scowled. “But not for us.”

“Yeah,” Steven sighed. “I figured as much. Lars would know how to sneak gems out of Homeworld, though, since he’s done it before.”

Amy nodded. “But you can’t contact him.”

Steven shook his head. He opened his mouth to ask Amy’s opinion on their next step, but paused as he heard something. Looking behind him, the faint sound of footsteps met Steven’s ears. A lot of footsteps. From the look on Amy’s face when he turned back, she heard them too.

“We have to go,” she growled, and Steven nodded.

Amy took the lead, peeking around the corner and beckoning Steven forward as she set off down the hall, setting a brisk pace just shy of a run. The footsteps continued to grow louder, emanating from some close-connecting hall, the pair’s tension growing with them. As the first foreign gem rounded the corner, barely coming into view, Amy ducked into another small byway, Steven right on her heels. She kept her stride, taking turns into green, then orange halls, backtracking every time they heard the slightest sound. She seemed to know her way around every corner and Steven was eager to follow her lead. He would’ve been completely lost without her.

Eventually they came to a plain, peach-colored courtyard with a simple geometric fountain at its center, Amy skirting around the outside until she came to a flat door, barely noticeable from the wall around it. She placed her palm against the side panel and it slid open, though with a swish that sounded deafening compared to the near-silence of the diamond palaces’ doors. It was clear that, wherever they were, it wasn’t held quite to the same standards as the more traveled parts of Homeworld.

Stepping inside the room, Steven saw stacks of geometric, crystalline chairs, tables, and other ornamental items that must’ve once graced the plaza outside. They looked pristine; he wondered why they were hidden away like this.

“Where are we?” he asked, absently.

The amethyst shrugged. “Somewhere in your bit of Homeworld.” At Steven’s confused frown she continued, “Blue Diamond forbid any alterations to the Pink Court’s buildings after, uh, you know- so most gems relocated to other areas. A few stayed here to maintain the area- or maybe they just preferred it.” She shrugged again. “What do I know, I’m just an amethyst. Anyway, this facet is emptier than a post-production kindergarten.”

“But won’t this be the first place Yellow will look?” Steven asked.

Amy pondered that a moment, tilting her head. “Maybe. I didn’t see you coming up with any bright ideas, though.”

Steven fidgeted awkwardly. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

Amy wrinkled her nose in distaste. “You need to stop apologizing. Makes me think you’re a pearl instead of a diamond. Steven. Diamond-Steven.” She furrowed her brows, trying to decide the most appropriate title for Steven.

This time it was Steven’s turn to pull a face. “There’s nothing wrong with pearls!” As Amy prepared a no-doubt snarky reply, Steven continued, “Wait, we shouldn’t argue. We need to make a plan.”

“No kidding,” Amy replied blandly. She leaned back against a bare spot of wall, crossing her arms and nodding Steven on.

“Right…” Steven started, chewing his lip. “Well, we need to get off Homeworld, for one. That means either a ship… or a galaxy warp. The one on Earth is broken, but it could still get us closer, right?”

Amy huffed a wry laugh. “Good luck getting near either of those looking like _that._ ”

Steven frowned, looking down at himself. “I could shapeshift. I think.” He hadn’t actually tried since… well.

Amy narrowed her eyes. “Sure. And you’d still be pinker than a pyrope.” She sighed. “I know most of the gems on Yellow Court’s security within six districts; let’s just say they wouldn’t be happy to see me after that stunt you pulled, let alone _you,_ who no one this sector would pin as a diamond.”

“Well, we could both shapeshift, then!”

Amy shook her head. “No one gets through without clearance. Anywhere there aren’t guards there’s forcefields and robonoids… Now, if you didn’t want to get off-planet, maybe we could nick a shuttlecraft, but that still wouldn’t get us anywhere except bombed out of the sky.”

Steven winced. “Okay, well, what do you think we should do then?”

Amy looked him up and down. “ _You’re_ the diamond- Steven. You tell me.” She paused. “I know you’re new, but where’s your Court? Your pearl? Your _guards?_ You shouldn’t be in this mess in the first place, least of all over me.”

Steven slumped, once again feeling the weight of his uselessness. “I don’t have a Court or anything like that. Blue and Yellow barely let me out of their sight, and when they do I’m just stuck in my room until they ask for me again.” He sighed. “I have friends on Earth, but… they probably think I’m dead.” His throat tightened, tears threatening to form yet again.

Amy cocked her head, pondersome, as a sort of realization came over her. Steven sniffled, and she pushed off the wall, coming closer. “Look… My Steven,” her voice was hushed. “You’ve helped me enough. You should go back to the Diamonds; I’ll find my own way from here.”

“What?” Steven drew back. “No, we’re staying together! I’m not going to let you get killed for something that isn’t your fault!”

Amy’s lips thinned. “I can take care of myself.”

Steven set his chin in defiance. “No. We’re getting out of this. Together.”

Amy scowled, snapping, “Then come up with a better plan. Unless you _want_ to see me shattered sooner rather than later.”

Steven blinked at Amy’s change in demeanor. She’d been stunned - and more than a little bitter - but never angry at _him_ , until now. He wondered what he’d done wrong. “I-”

The anger dropped from Amy’s face, replaced with resignation. “Look,” Amy stated firmly, brushing off his reply, “the longer we stand around, the more likely someone will find us.” She gave him an intense stare. “Just tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.”

Steven paused. “I… need to get back to Earth,” he stated, hopelessly.

Amy sighed, pursing her lips in thought. “Okay.” She tapped one hand’s fingers against her leg, the other reaching up to rub at her gem. “You said you have gems there. What communication capabilities does your colony have?”

“Uhm,” Steven blinked. “The tower was destroyed, but we were able to get Lapis’ message through the wailing stone…”

Amy huffed incredulously. “ _That’s_ the best you got? I’m surprised something so archaic still works.”

“Well,” Steven admitted, “it did take some tweaking to get the video through, but it’s not like Earth is a part of Homeworld space. It’s a free colony, so we just have to use what was left behind.”

“Free,” Amy sneered with a roll of her eyes. “Nowhere is free from the Diamond Authority.” She almost sounded proud as she said it. “I’m surprised that useless hunk of rock hasn’t been blown off the starmaps by now.”

Steven shook his head, withholding a shudder as he remembered the terrible cluster buried within the Earth. “It’s not for lack of trying, believe me…” He redirected the conversation, not wanting to pursue that thought any further, “Do you think you can get a message to Earth?”

Amy deliberated for a moment, then nodded. “I have some pull with a few Blue Court peridots. Got them out of some trouble a few millennia back- long story. I should be able to convince them to send a message,” she appraised Steven, “ _if_ you really think your gems can help you.”

“I…” Steven wavered, unsure of that fact himself. But no, he had to believe in the Crystal Gems. Once they knew he was still alive, here on Homeworld, they would come for him. “They will,” he stated with determination.

Amy glanced him over once more, let out a breath, then nodded to the door. “Let’s go, then.”

She strode over, about to make her way out, before halting Steven as he followed. “Wait. You can’t go out looking like that.”

Steven looked down at himself, then back to Amy. “What should I look like?”

Amy huffed, throwing out a hand in exasperation. “What are you asking me for? Might as well turn yourself into a pearl if you’re so keen on acting like one.”

Steven bristled at the continued insult towards pearls, before shrugging, “Fine. I will, then.”

He barely caught Amy’s look of shock as he closed his eyes, smirking as he concentrated. To his surprise, he barely had to do more than think before he felt his body begin to shift. It was so effortless! No wonder Amethyst turned into so many things; gems had it easy. He willed himself into the shape of a pearl, not too much like any one pearl he’d seen, but enough to get the point across, then opened his eyes again, taking a look at himself.

He fiddled with his newly-formed skirt, tight around his (much-too-small) waist, brushing his fingers over the false gem in his chest. His shirt-turned-jumpsuit still covered his real gem, making the illusion quite convincing, in his opinion, even if he was still emphatically pink. He twirled around, looking back to Amy. “How do I look?” he asked. He had to withhold a laugh at Amy’s face, contorted in a mix of revulsion and incredulity.

“I didn’t actually mean that,” Amy stated, unable to tear her eyes from him.

Steven giggled. “I dunno, I think it suits me.” He swished his skirt again, quite liking the sensation of free-falling fabric.

Amy simply shook her head, turning back to the door. It opened, both of them looking around, only to find the plaza just as deserted as before. Amy led the way once again, walking slower this time, more cautious as she made her way… somewhere. Wherever the peridots in charge of Blue’s communications were. Steven hoped it wasn’t too far away.

Unfortunately for Steven, it _was_ far away. He kept his eyes to the floor, trailing after Amy whenever they passed another gem (which, thankfully, was few and far between). To her credit, Amy stood tall, not even sparing a glance at anyone they passed. She knew her place on Homeworld and she filled her role perfectly, inconspicuous in her determined, martial stride. Steven wished he had half as much self-confidence as she did.

By the time the halls changed to blue, Steven was starting to feel the wear of his transformation. It nagged at the back of his mind, a weariness that tugged and stretched in his bones. He hoped he could keep up his disguise long enough for Amy to get the message through to Earth. He had to.

Eventually, at the end of yet another blue hall, Amy stopped, holding out a hand in warning.

“We’re here,” she half-whispered. “Follow my lead and everything will be fine.” She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than Steven.

Steven nodded and Amy started forward again, straightening her posture even more until it was almost painful to look at. They turned the corner and Steven balked momentarily, catching sight of two topaz guards. Amy, to her credit, stared past them, the picture of confidence, and Steven, as requested, followed her lead.

He thought for a moment they might pass the guards unchallenged, but a step away from the door their maces descended, interlocking to bar their way.

“State your purpose,” the left topaz said, bored. She barely glanced at them.

“I am to send a message to Crystal Systems Colony 61, under orders of Nephrite Facet-126-”

The right topaz interrupted, “Just go in,” with a sigh, the pair lifting their maces. The left topaz rolled her eyes, as if wishing they would hurry up and leave already.

That was easier than Steven thought it would be.

The door slid open and they entered a large room, decked from top to bottom with screens of scrolling gem glyph. Various green and blue gems dashed back and forth, holding tablets and answering calls, several perched on levitating platforms to access the upper screens. Steven took in the bustle with wide eyes, shoving down the growing knot that reminded him just how difficult holding his transformation was becoming.

A tall, gangly blue gem caught sight of the pair, breaking away from a group to approach them.

“State your business,” she said, clipped. It seemed everyone here was far too busy for pleasantries.

“Private communications request via Peridot Facet-16, Cut-27L or Peridot Facet-21P4G Cut-3CX, per availability.”

The gem nodded, seeming to understand the jumble of words. She tapped something onto her tablet, then stated, “Room 408 is available.” With that she turned away, rejoining her previous conversation.

Amy took the lead once more, passing through another set of doors and down a long, wide hall, filled with more screens and just as many gems attending them. A variety of gems stalked down the halls, ignoring the monitors and their attendants, clearly also conducting business here. Doors were set into the walls at equal intervals, each adorned with a diamond insignia, though different to the one Steven was familiar with. Instead of a large diamond subdivided into four, a triad of triangles formed around a small, dark inner triangle, excluding Pink. Perhaps, he mused, this was the emblem created after Pink’s ‘shattering’. He had little time to contemplate, however, as Amy picked up a brisk pace again, several gems having to hop out of her way as she marched down the hall. Steven was beginning to think this was just her normal way of walking, if her power-stride could be called such.

A few turns and many doors later, Amy stopped, Steven stepping back to keep from bowling into her, narrowly avoiding treading on her heels. The door opened, as if expecting them, and a small room waited beyond, attended by two peridots, doubtlessly the ones Amy asked after. One, looking very similar to Peridot when she first came to Earth, looked up from her display with a broad grin. However, the other, tall and lanky even without limb enhancers, stood back, lips pursed and brow furrowed in suspicion.

“If it isn’t my favorite hunk of mineral! 185FC, it’s been too long!” the smiling peridot said joyfully.

“3CX,” Amy grinned, “always good to see you.”

3CX looked back at Steven, raising her brows in appraisal, “And you got yourself a pearl! Always knew you had it in you.” She smirked, conspiratory, “What did you do, make yourself a hero again? Find yet another suspiciously-placed communicator? Maybe a miswired fuse? Put another group of nephrites to shame?” She laughed, a parody of _his_ Peridot’s, and Amy gave an answering chuckle, clearly party to some inside joke.

The other peridot cleared her throat, loudly. Once eyes were on her she said, snide, “I’m surprised to see you here, _traitorous lump_ , given that the entire Yellow Court is looking for your gem in shards.”

This was clearly news to 3CX as she looked to Amy in askance, then back to the other peridot. “That’s not funny, 27L! Besides, 185FC is _clearly_ a boulder, even if she was a traitor. Which she isn’t.”

Even Steven had to hold back a giggle at 27L’s look of sheer annoyance. She opened her mouth to say something undoubtedly nasty when Amy jumped in, after taking a glance back to make sure the door was closed.

“No, it’s true.” 3CX blinked in shock. “There was an… incident.” Amy grimaced, but continued, “Yellow Diamond was displeased with my performance.”

“Dis- _What?_ Please tell me you’re joking, because whatever rocks are rattling around in there,” 3CX poked Amy’s chest for emphasis, “have clearly damaged your logical thinking!”

At Amy’s silence the peridot gaped wider. “You’re kidding! _You_ , the least-lumpish quartz I’ve ever met, managed not only to get an audience with _Yellow Diamond,_ but to crack it up so badly she wants you _shattered?_ ” She blinked, then added, “Oh my stars, and now I’m associating with a traitorous boulder. This is _not_ good. Why did you even come here? You know we can’t do anything to help you without putting our own gems on the line.”

27L cleared her throat again, effectively silencing 3CX. “Explain, craghead, before I turn you in myself.”

Amy scowled, then looked back at Steven. “You should probably drop it now,” she said softly. “I’m not sure how long you can stay transformed, but no matter how this goes you’ll need your strength.”

Steven gulped, suddenly the center of attention. He wavered a moment, before the unpleasant, nagging pull at his gem had him complying with Amy’s bid to resume his normal form. Or, well, as normal as could be, given the circumstances.

This time both peridots were gaping.

“Is that-?” 3CX questioned.

“No, it can’t be…” 27L said, hushed.

“This is, uh,” Amy glanced back briefly, unsure, then steeled herself and pressed on, “Pink Diamond.”

3CX made a horrendous choking noise, followed by a fit of coughing. 27L just stared for a moment, stunned, before saying, “I would’ve guessed Rose Quartz.” She looked over at 3CX. “She- she does look like Rose Quartz, doesn’t she? From the broadcast?”

3CX nodded, still breathless as she massaged her throat.

Amy grimaced. “That’s… sort of the problem we’re having here. She needs to get a message to her colony- to _Earth_ ,” there was a strange sort of emphasis put on the name, “but the communications systems there are primitive at best.”

“No,” 27L said, wringing her hands as she began to pace. “No, no, definitely not. There’s no way that _that,_ ” she gestured to Steven, “is _Pink Diamond._ You’re lying.”

“She’s not lying,” Steven protested, and the pair of peridots froze. “I know I don’t look it, but I _am_ Pink Diamond.” The words tasted of ash in his mouth, bitter and uncouth.

The peridots exchanged glances.

“Okay,” 27L said, “even assuming this _is_ Pink Diamond, which she very clearly _is not,_ you’re still a traitor. We cannot be seen aiding traitors. Especially _Earth_ -related traitors. Earth _and_ Pink Diamond _-_ related traitors.”

“We _could_ do it, though. One message isn’t that hard,” 3CX added tentatively, silenced by a glare from 27L.

“Please,” Amy said softly, and both peridots looked up, surprised. “I know it’s dangerous, but we need your help- _I_ need your help. I wouldn’t ask unless I had no other choice.”

3CX looked empathetic but 27L glanced away, a hardness in the set of her jaw. “Please,” Amy asked again, voice coaxing, “you’ll be the greatest pair of peridots in the universe.”

“…Well,” 27L relented, preening, “ _I am_ the greatest and most magnificent, yes. There’s no way you could succeed without me.”

Steven, shortly followed by 3CX, gave the other peridot puppy eyes; 27L scrunched up her face, clearly about to cave.

After a moment 27L grumbled under her breath, then turned back to them. “Fine! But never say I didn’t do anything for you, you lump of undercooked clay!”

Amy laughed, walking over to give 27L a pat on the head (which she quickly ducked away from). “You’re the best, greenie.”

27L huffed, “If you ever call me that again I’ll break you myself, 185FC.”

Amy smirked, not the least bit intimidated. “Of course, 27L.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who may be wondering why Steven seems to have given up blaming Yellow for his ‘death,’ he’s experiencing a whopping combo of Stockholm syndrome and transference (e.g. when it is unsafe to assign blame/anger to an abusive figure, these feelings are often transferred to someone else; it can be downright impossible to realize it’s happening in the moment). Besides which, Steven has always been a master of repressing trauma.
> 
> It is also worth noting, since I’ve had some questions, that I chose to write this story solely from Steven’s perspective -because- he’s not the most reliable narrator. What he thinks is happening can, and often does, differ from objective reality. (After all, to a mouse, a cat is naught but a monster.) Hope this clears up any confusion! (Or adds to it, perhaps?)


	8. What Goes Up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Injury, threats of capital punishment (shattering)
> 
> A small announcement to make: this fic is now crossposted to fanfiction.net! For those of you who prefer to read there, you may, though there will not be author’s notes or inside tidbits posted there. Both sites will be updated at about the same time, though AO3 will be posted first.

27L turned to one of the large monitors on the wall, taking a seat before it. She began tapping away, then hesitated, asking over her shoulder, “You’re sure you want to contact _Earth_?”

“Yes,” Amy confirmed, and 27L shook her head, continuing her work with a sigh.

3CX pulled up a seat next to her, occasionally glancing at 27L’s monitor as she joined the effort.

Amy leaned back against a wall, seeming content to wait, and Steven tried to mirror her nonchalance. He couldn’t help but be anxious; he was so close…

27L hummed as she scrolled through lines of text, thinking out loud, “We could bounce the signal off the sixth-quadrant relay…”

“Wouldn’t the fourth and second provide a stronger signal?” 3CX added.

27L nodded, “Yes, but,” she looked back at Amy, “I assume the least traceable method is preferred.”

Amy nodded in agreement and the pair turned back to their screens, occasionally bouncing ideas off each other as they narrowed down the best way to carry the signal. It was clear the peridots were quite close despite their differences, working together in flawless tandem.

“Amy?” Steven whispered, and said amethyst glanced over at him. “Why is 27L so… tall? I’ve never seen a peridot without limb enhancers before.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “She’s Era One,” she answered, matter-of-fact.

Steven frowned, remembering the little Peridot had mentioned of herself on Earth; she’d been made in Era Two. “What does that mean, though?”

Amy’s face grew serious. She leaned in, quietly saying, “She was made before… you know…” She glanced over at the peridots, engrossed in their displays, then whispered, “the _shattering_.”

Steven’s gaze darted to the floor, uncomfortable with the intensity Amy spoke the words. “Oh,” he mumbled. _Of course._ Even the changing of Homeworld _Eras_ revolved around his mom… around _him_.

The silence stretched and eventually Steven whispered, eyes on his feet, “I’m sorry.”

Amy straightened, giving Steven a confused look. “For _what?_ ”

Steven shrugged, throat tight. “Everything’s always my fault, isn’t it?”

Amy opened her mouth to reply when the peridots froze, 27L letting out a hushed, “ _Shards.”_

“What is it?” Amy asked, instantly on alert.

“We’ve lost connection to the mainframe,” 3CX replied, tense, as 27L began frantically tapping her monitor.

Suddenly the room’s screens changed, showing angles of what seemed to be the hallway outside. A hallway that was now suspiciously devoid of gems.

“They know you’re here,” 27L stated, bland, hand still hovering over the screen.

Amy hissed something under her breath, then asked, pointed, “How many?”

27L still seemed frozen, but 3CX turned back to the screen, pulling up various images that were immediately overlaid by symbols and text. “A half-squadron,” she said after a moment, grim.

27L burst back into motion, pulling up lines upon lines of text that immediately vanished. “We won’t tell them anything. We were busy; we didn’t know of your wanted status. Nothing was said about Earth, or Pink Diamond, or, stars forbid, _Rose Quartz_.” Her hands moved even faster, geometric patterns unspooling themselves and symbols swiped into nonexistence. “You wanted only to contact 185FE-”

“No,” Amy interrupted with a growl, “I won’t drag her into this.”

“You had to have _some_ reason for being here, so I suggest you come up with it, fast,” 27L spat, still a flurry of activity. “If I’m going to lie for you, you’d sure as diamond better make it convincing.”

“I asked for shipping logs; I told you I wanted to review a discrepancy in facet 1082-A deliveries.”

27L hesitated, then nodded. “That will do.” A breath of silence overwhelmed the room, then she turned to them and snapped, “What are you waiting for? _Leave!_ ”

Amy started, then turned to the door. Yet, before it could open she looked back at Steven. “Shift, _now_ ,” she demanded, and Steven hurriedly complied, ignoring the distinctly unpleasant strain on his gem.

Amy turned back to the door, only to have 3CX grab her arm, a disconcerting level of desperation in her gaze. “I’m sorry we couldn’t send your message,” she lamented. “I wish we could do more.”

“ _I_ don’t,” 27L hissed, stony-faced. “We might be in pieces before tomorrow as it is.” She locked eyes with Amy. “Don’t come back, or I’ll turn you in myself.” The ominous statement ended with a decisive nod and an expectant raise of the brow, accompanied by an intense stare.

Amy, while grave, nodded in return, sharing something more than words with the peridot. Steven had a strange feeling that, despite her denial, 27L would put her gem on the line for Amy again, should the situation call for it. It was clear Amy trusted these peridots with her life, so he, as was becoming common, followed her lead.

“Stars guide you,” 3CX whispered, relinquishing her grasp, and they were gone.

Amy dashed out the door, spending but a moment to check the way was clear. Steven followed, but as they made for a connecting hall a pair of gems appeared: twin topazes, barring their way.

“Stars _above_ ,” Amy hissed, turning around. She sprinted to the other end of the hall, only to find yet another pair of topazes. They were surrounded.

Amy glanced back and forth for a moment, then leveled a glare at a door to what Steven presumed was yet another meeting room. With a snarl she pressed her palm against it, brow furrowed in consternation, and after a moment it slid open.

“What are you-” a peridot within squeaked, surprised, only to be roughly shoved aside by Amy.

She quickly scrambled to her feet, a horrified look on her face. Steven offered a brief, worried, “Sorry,” unnoticed as she bolted for the hall.

As the peridot fled Amy strode forward, planted her feet, then, with a roar, punched the wall. The displays shattered, shards of crystal flying from the impact, and Amy was left breathless for a moment. She readied herself to try again when Steven stepped in.

“Let me,” he said, rushed, and Amy relented with a nod that clearly said _hurry up._

Steven clenched his fists, desperately hoping he could draw some of the destructive power that had been plaguing him, now that he _actually_ needed it. He took a quick breath, readied himself, and let his fist fly.

The wall shattered outward, a gaping crater surrounded by metallic rubble, leading into a once-pristine purple courtyard, a ceiling shimmering high above. Steven blinked for a moment in shock, then let out a short, relieved breath. He did it.

Footsteps sounded behind them and Amy whirled on the door, shutting it just as a different set of yellow-gem guards appeared. She tapped frantically on one of the remaining wall panels as the door began to shudder with blows.

“Go!” Amy snapped. “I’m right behind you!”

Steven didn’t need telling twice. He bolted through the hole, searching for an exit, and Amy, true to her word, leapt at his heels. She glanced around frantically, starting for the nearest door as a group of burgundy gems fled through the farthest. Unfortunately for them the same door was almost simultaneously wrenched open, revealing yet more angry gems. The guards had made it through the hole behind them as well, picking their way through the rubble towards them. They had only moments before the two groups converged upon them, both shouting angry orders to halt, combined with threats.

Amy pivoted towards the remaining door, lithe with desperation as she scrambled across the courtyard. It sprung open as they approached, as if sensing their urgency; they sprinted through. It seemed fate had graced them with a small reprieve as no guards appeared to block their way this time, despite the six now hot on their heels.

They ran, Amy taking the lead once more. After a few turns and a sunken stairwell gems began to litter the hallways again; the guards clearly hadn’t planned on chasing them this far. Amy shoved more than a few out of her way as she went, earning angry protests and concerned glances from Steven when they fell to the floor. He had no choice but to trust they’d be alright; they _were_ gems, after all.

The guard gems fell behind rather quickly, almost _suspiciously_ quickly, if Steven had a moment to process the thought. Yet, even if they were running into a trap, there was nothing he could do. Nothing but hope they’d weasel their way out once more.

Amy turned a corner to a less-populated hall, slowed her pace dramatically, and ducked into a side-room, closing (and presumably locking, from her rapid tapping against a panel) the door behind them. They’d entered another courtyard, smaller than the first, though this one was open to the sky. There was only one door in or out that Steven could see.

“Blue Court isn’t usually that responsive…” Amy lamented. She looked at Steven appraisingly. “Should’ve known... not every day you lose track of a diamond. Uh- I mean- Steven.”

Steven shook his head. “What do we do?”

Amy glanced at the door, pursing her lips. “We don’t have long before they know where we’ve gone… and the only ways in and out of the communications facet are guarded….” She fell silent, pondersome.

Steven glanced around, looking for another way out. Things didn’t look good.

After a long moment Amy turned her gaze back to Steven, grimaced, and let out a resigned breath. “Look… thank you for helping me, but if there’s even a _chance_ for you to get back in with the other diamonds…” she paused for a moment, as if regretting her words before she even spoke them, “you should turn me in. Security on Homeworld has only gotten tighter since… uh.” She cleared her throat, gesturing vaguely. “Earth.” She shrugged hopelessly. “There’s no way we won’t be caught.” Her words were flat, a well of emotion hidden deep beneath the surface. Steven knew the feeling.

“What-” Steven began, an objection on the tip of his tongue, but Amy held up a hand.

“I’ve always known this day would come; it’s only right for an… _off-color_ like me to be destroyed.” She huffed a bitter laugh, continuing, “And say I did get off Homeworld, where would I go? There’s nothing for me out there.”

“You could come to Earth!” Steven protested, not at all pleased with the turn the conversation had taken. “Everyone’s welcome there! Off-colors, fusions: everyone!”

Amy raised a brow. “Your own botched colony, a haven for reject gems?” she scoffed. “No thanks. I’ve had enough of being a failure.”

Steven was aghast; it almost seemed like Amy _wanted_ to die. “Anything’s better than being shattered!”

Amy crossed her arms, jaw tightening. “I don’t get why you’re so worked up about it; there’s millions of amethysts, just make another to replace me.” Aggravation warred with pain for dominance on her face.

Steven scowled. “No one could replace you. No gem should _ever_ be replaceable!”

Amy sneered, “I don’t see what you know about it! You don’t even know who you are!” She snapped her mouth shut, but too late; the words hung in the air between them like daggers. They winced in unison as Amy turned away.

Steven shuffled his feet, looking down. Tears pooled in his eyes. So much for someone recognizing him as different from his mom. No, he was, and would only be, _Pink Diamond_ to the gems of Homeworld.

“I’m not worth the effort,” Amy muttered, keeping her back to him. “I should never have been made; I’m _defective_. The only way I can serve My Diamond now - to make things _right_ \- is to cease to exist.”

“I don’t believe that,” Steven said firmly, pushing down his hurt. “Homeworld is wrong about gems. _Yellow_ is wrong. I know; I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You’re so much more than what you were made to be.” Amy held her defensive hunch so Steven pleaded, “Please, come to Earth with me. Let me show you what it’s like to be free. You’ll love it there- I promise! There’s even another amethyst! She’s shorter than average, but she’d love to meet you more than anyone.”

Amy’s lips thinned and she looked up, eyes glistening as she struggled to ignore Steven’s words. “You’re the most senseless, audacious gem I’ve ever met, My Steven…” She raised a hand to her brow, shaking her head. “But I can’t help but _want_ to believe you.” She breathed in quickly, blinking before a tear could fall, all traces of her inner turmoil erased. “Fine, you win.” She pushed off the wall, crossing her arms expectantly. “What’s the plan?”

Steven looked around, then up to the sky, peeking between buildings far above. “We go up.”

Amy’s brows rose, following Steven’s gaze. She took in the sheer faces of the walls surrounding them. “Not even I can climb that.”

Steven shook his head. “Not climbing. Floating.”

Amy’s brows rose yet higher. She looked to him, up, then back to him yet again. After a moment she inclined her head. “By your leave, My Steven,” she said, bemused.

Steven heaved a tense sigh, gauging the distance. It would be a stretch, to be sure. “Okay,” he said, as if that would make it so. “Okay.” He turned back to Amy, holding out a hand. “I’ll need to carry you.”

It looked as if Amy’s brows would float away on their own with how high they shot at that proclamation.

“What?” she asked, deadpan.

Steven frowned. “I can’t just magically make you float up there. I gotta carry you.”

Amy stared at his outstretched hand as if it would bite her. “ _You_ , carry _me_.”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” True, it _was_ usually the other way around, but Steven really couldn’t see what the problem was. He slowly lowered his hand.

Amy shook her head, pressing her palm against her eyes. “Sure, fine- It’s only breaking about seventy rules I would be shattered for, but sure. Might as well just keep racking them up.” She muttered something else under her breath that Steven couldn’t hear, but was probably quite dark, judging from the look on her face.

“Uhm,” Steven looked up again, “I… could try to find something else…?”

Amy waved a hand. “We don’t have time- It’s… fine. You make the rules, My Steven.”

Steven frowned, but offered Amy his hand once more. This time she took it, though she did look distinctly displeased. As her hand met his he blinked in surprise; the sensation of flowing energy across her palm was one he hadn’t felt before, almost mesmerizing in its intensity, but he shook off the novelty, preparing himself for the jump. He pulled Amy in close (uncomfortably close, on her part), swept her up under the knees (to which she gave a very tense grunt), and braced himself.

“Hold on,” Steven said, crouching as he prepared to jump.

“To what-” Amy hissed, cut off by a resounding boom. The door had been blown open behind them.

“ _Shards_ ,” Amy snapped, leaning forward as she twisted to escape his grasp. “Let me-”

“No time!” Steven yelled, clutching Amy’s (much larger, in his transformed state) form to him, breaking into a run. He got a good few strides in, putting distance between them and the guards, then sank low to the ground and jumped, just as even _more_ gems began to pour through the clearing smoke.

Amy threw her arms around his neck with a startled yell. They were going up, _fast_. Steven might have miscalculated. Or, more likely, he used too much of his newly-found destructive super-strength. Actually- probably both.

They passed windows at a blinding pace, then the square of rooftops surrounding the plaza, then a single, hazy cloud. The expanse of Homeworld stretched out beneath them, glimmering as brightly as the gems that called the planet home, deceptively serene. Steven grit his teeth as they began to fall, attempting to control their descent, hoping to land in a different place than where they started. (And not- _definitely not_ \- in the empty kindergartens of Homeworld’s underbelly.) His gem strained with the effort, a truly unpleasant sensation, and he felt his form begin to slip...

Steven let out a groan, snapping back into his transformation. It wasn’t quite right, now, feeling like an ill-fitting second skin, but Steven didn’t have time to try to fix it. Not now, when they were plummeting to the ground ever faster- he needed to _slow down_ \- There! His powers snapped into action, a series of stuttered stop-and-go movements jolting the pair as they slowed. Amy clung tighter to his neck, fingers digging into his shoulders, and Steven felt for her; this certainly wasn’t the best introduction to his floating abilities.

They brushed past a series of skyscrapers, Steven kicking off one to redirect them away from a bustling plaza. They drifted above a couple bridges (the gems occupying them looked up and pointed, and Steven lamented how easy it would be to track them) before finally reconnecting with solid ground. They touched down at the edge of a narrow byway between two buildings, scaring a cluster of passing blue zircons.

Amy scrambled from his arms the moment they hit the ground, tense as she leaned over, head down, hand still on his shoulder. After a moment she seemed to realize she was still touching him, violently leaping back and nearly overbalancing in her haste to put distance between them. She looked around, noticed the zircons whispering amongst themselves from a distance, and glanced back at Steven before setting off in the opposite direction. Steven, still shaken from the narrow escape and his faulty powers, had to run to catch up.

He opened his mouth to speak once he fell in step with Amy, but she was quicker, snapping, “If you _ever_ think of doing that again, do me a favor and just shatter me first.”

“Wh- Amy! Don’t say that!” Steven gasped. “It’s not that bad usually, honest. I just… went a bit too high.” Among other things.

Amy shuddered. “A gem’s place is with two feet on the ground. Not… _that_.”

Steven looked down. “Sorry.”

Amy returned an annoyed glare. “You _need_ to stop apologizing.” She rounded a corner, took a breath, and slowed her pace by a fraction. “…Thank you.”

Steven looked up again in surprise, confused by the emotional whiplash. Amy spared him a glance before scowling again.

“You saved me; you didn’t have to. Thank you. Now stop gawking like a peridot with a new toy.”

Steven couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face; Amy’s scowl grew deeper when she saw it. He took that as a good thing.

The sound of gems reached their ears and Steven looked up; the narrow lane opened up into a wide road, glistening not far in the distance. Clusters of blue and green gems (with the occasional warm color mixing in) passed by, businesslike, none sparing a glance into the dim-lit corridor. Amy held out her hand in warning- Steven paused. She crept closer to the road, eventually peering around the corner, then waved Steven forward.

“Shouldn’t we go somewhere else?” Steven whispered, shrinking into himself despite being utterly ignored by the passerby.

“If we want to get out of Blue Court’s facets we’ll have to cross somewhere,” Amy replied, eyes searching the crowd. “It won’t be long until both Yellow _and_ Blue Courts are on our tail, if they aren’t already.” She looked pointedly at Steven. “And I don’t think either of us want to stick around to see what happens then.”

Steven nodded, grave, and Amy spared him a sympathetic half-smile. “It’ll be fine, My Steven. I know these streets like the back of my gem.” Steven hoped she was right.

Amy strode out into the throng, Steven sticking close, and they began to make their way… somewhere. Steven hadn’t exactly bothered to ask where, exactly- not that it really mattered. They were buying time at this point. Maybe she knew somewhere else to get a message out?

Suddenly Amy stopped dead, Steven backpedaling to keep from running into her. After a moment he peeked around her shoulder, also freezing in place as the apparent problem came into view.

A pair of topazes stood at the foot of a nearby building, scanning the crowd, and Steven was suddenly aware of how much they stood out. The blue-and-green throng passed around them like a river around stones, accentuating their unfortunate differences. Amy spun, making her way back the other direction, but as Steven glanced back he saw it was already too late. One of the topazes had locked eyes on Amy, saying something to the other before they both started forward, gems hurriedly moving from their path. Steven nudged Amy and she looked back, instantly getting the message.

“ _Shards!”_ she snapped, breaking into a sprint.

All pretense of fitting in was thrown to the winds; they ran to the other side of the street amidst stares and gestures, cutting off lines of foot traffic in their haste. Yet, as they sped into a smaller connecting lane, the topazes didn’t follow. They stood unmoving, blocking the exit to the main road behind them.

A moment later Steven saw why. A small force of topazes and other yellow-orange guards stepped out in front of them, blocking their path. Amy skidded to a stop, looking around wildly, but Steven knew what had happened. They were trapped, cornered: nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, enemies on every side that wasn’t a sheer blue wall- and even that was unfriendly.

Steven took up a protective stance in front of Amy (ignoring her indignant protest), shield raised and ready. Yet, while more gems filled in behind them, the gems in front didn’t move. They stood stiffly, ominously, all eyes trained on the two much-less-impressive gems in their midst. In a lighter setting it might’ve resembled some high-stakes staring contest, but this was not a time for humor.

Finally, a voice boomed out, setting Steven’s nerves on edge with its authoritative tenor. “Amethyst Facet-2 Cut-185FC. You and your companion shall surrender yourselves immediately to my judgement, by command of Yellow Diamond and under her direct orders.”

The owner of said voice stepped forward, a tall, imposing yellow gem… one Steven had seen before. The name given by Yellow Pearl sprang to mind: Heliodor. A gem high-up enough to get an audience with Yellow Diamond herself- and they were completely at her mercy.

Steven looked up, the shimmering buildings towering almost endlessly above him. He could try to jump again, but… he was nearly spent. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep up his disguise- or even his shield, his arm trembling with the effort of sustaining it. Not that any of that would really matter, when they were moments from being captured anyway.

Heliodor stepped forward again, a blunt cape, reaching her mid-calf, accentuating the gravity of her movement. Her gem, prominently situated on her forehead, was nearly a rectangular cut, though its chiseled edges formed it into more of an octagonal shape.

Her eyes were sharp, calculating, predatory as they roved over Amy, and then, briefly, Steven. “You are accused of high treason, acting in disobedience of Yellow Diamond herself, and attempting to escape punishment. If you do not comply you will be immediately destroyed.” She left no room for question, for appeal. Her word was law and she knew it.

Amy tried to push her way in front of Steven; he wasn’t having it.

“Stay behind me,” he hissed, and, surprisingly, Amy took a half-step back. “My shield should be able to take anything they throw at us,” he added, by way of explanation.

Amy whispered, leaning in close, “It’s not too late to hand me over, absolve yourself-”

Steven interrupted, a solid, “No!” and for once Amy seemed to understand it was non-negotiable. He would sooner see himself in pieces than Amy, though if he had his way it’d be neither of them… But that was looking less and less likely by the moment.

“I won’t let you hurt Amy!” Steven called out, and Heliodor’s eyes narrowed a moment.

Then she laughed, “A single pearl, standing between me and my quarry? Step aside, servant, and I _may_ consider not breaking you for your association with this traitor.”

Steven raised his shield defiantly (ignoring, once again, how very un-circular it was) and Heliodor sighed, stepping back behind the line of gems. “This is a waste of time: destroy them.”

The wave of gems lowered their weapons and Steven held his shield higher, a tremble of fear chilling his bones. There were so many… there was no way…

He grit his teeth, steeling himself. He had no choice.

“You don’t have to do this,” Steven pleaded with the encroaching gems. “This is all just a misunderstanding!” His cries fell on deaf ears.

There was no more time for diplomacy; they were upon him. He blocked one- two maces, hearing Amy grunt as she met another swing at his back. He shoved the weapons back, sending the topazes wielding them reeling, before turning to catch a sword aimed at Amy’s head. Amy herself was exchanging blows with a few yellow-orange quartzes - not jaspers, but Steven didn’t exactly have time to puzzle out what gem they were.

He spun back around, throwing off the sword-wielding gem to parry another mace-strike. It hit his shield heavy and square, sending a reverberation all the way down to his gem. He felt his powers shudder, nearly losing his transformation before he managed to pull himself back together.

He pushed the topaz off again, making for a jab with his shield when two more strikes had him dodging back. He parried a third, then caught sight of a mace directed at Amy from the corner of his eye. He wrenched his shield back, sending the gem braced against it stumbling forward, just in time to block an attack that doubtlessly would’ve crushed Amy into the dirt. Amy glanced at him gratefully, retaliating with a swing of her flail that put the gem on the defensive.

The next swing nearly caught his back; he barely sidestepped it in time, almost landing him in the path of yet another flying mace. Amy cried out; he turned, seeing her grip her shoulder for but a moment before jumping back into the fight. Unfortunately for Steven, his momentary distraction left an opening for a strike at him. He raised his shield, stepping back, but too slow; the sword tore through his shirt, clipping his gem. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to do any damage, but Steven was shaken as he retreated again, miraculously managing to block the next weapon headed his way. His form shuddered once again; he couldn’t keep this up for much longer.

“Look out!” Amy cried, and Steven started, glancing to the side.

The amethyst been drawn a few steps away, leaving his back open- and a topaz wielding a painfully-spiked mace was barreling down upon him. Steven hissed, throwing up a second shield, but the attackers were coordinated this time; the combined strikes on both sides took him to his knees. He felt his shields begin to give- _No, no, no!_ He forced whatever energy he had left into maintaining his shields, but he couldn’t hold everything together-

His transformation snapped, a rubber band pulled too taught, and with a pained flinch he felt his body settle into its true form. He shot up after a half-moment of shock, shaking with the effort of holding his shields steady, yet found Amy once more at his back, watching over him protectively.

Strangely, Heliodor’s forces had pulled back, shocked whispers making their way through the crowd. He saw more than one gem glance at his navel, the sliver of crystalline pink visible through the tear in his shirt.

“What are you doing?” Heliodor’s voice echoed, enraged. “Why haven’t you shattered these fools already?”

For a moment there was silence, then a topaz shouted, “It’s Rose Quartz!”

_Oh, shi-_

“That’s impossible,” Heliodor’s voice rang again, steeped in frustration. The gems parted, the top of her head bobbing through the cluster of suddenly-panicked soldiers.

Steven’s mind raced as Heliodor came once more into view.

“Look,” he said desperately, “this really isn’t what you think-!”

“Silence!” Heliodor demanded, now at the front of her entourage. Her eyes roved over him, appraising, then narrowed in anger. “So, you never did leave Homeworld after your trial, _Rose_.”

“I’m not-!” Steven tried to explain, to no avail; Heliodor merely spoke over him.

“I will have the honor of delivering your gem to the Diamonds myself!” Heliodor snarled. She reached up to her gem, pulling out a pair of deadly-looking rapiers with a flourish, then leveled one of the weapons at him, grinning viciously.

Steven gulped.

The soldiers took a step back, clearing an opening around the three of them. Heliodor wasted no time attacking, charging in on lithe feet, her blows coming much quicker than the previous assailants’. Amy abandoned her position at his back, joining forces against their much-more-formidable opponent, yet even two-against-one it was still a trial to stand their ground. The commander was much more graceful than her size would suggest, taking advantage of every opening- no matter how small. After a few failed attempts Steven had to give up on retaliation completely, focusing only on blocking the needle-sharp blades as they swung, relentlessly fixated on his demise.

It was inevitable, really, that he would make a mistake, faced with such a furious assault. Amy dodged a strike that would’ve torn through her leg, forcing her away from Steven for but a moment. Yet, that moment was more than enough for Heliodor. She feinted right, then struck left, prying Steven’s shield away with one sword while plunging the other into his side, using a surprising amount of force to tear it up and out of his body, nearly severing his arm in the process.

His shield clattered to the ground, then dissipated as Steven dropped to his knees, clutching his wound. It didn’t bleed, barely even hurt, but it _strained_ against him, a tidal current screaming, _Retreat! Repair! Fall back to safety!_ But Steven wouldn’t be safe if he returned to his gem; no, that was the _worst_ thing he could possibly do at the moment, so he pushed against the pull, struggling vainly to stay cognizant.

Heliodor brought her sword down once more - Steven was _doomed_ \- when Amy leapt in front of him, arms outstretched. Shielding him with her own body.

“No!” Steven cried, reaching out- _He couldn’t let her die like this!_ -and a shroud of pink bloomed around them, Heliodor’s blow glancing harmlessly against the outside of the protective dome.

Amy glanced around for a moment, surprise and relief intermingling as Heliodor snarled in frustration behind the rose-tinted veil, before she turned back to Steven.

“My Steven-!” she stammered, eyes wide with worry.

“I’m okay,” Steven replied breathily, very much _not_ okay. He shuddered, straining to hold his bubble as Heliodor began to pepper it with blows, yelling something Steven didn’t have the energy to care about.

Amy knelt next to him. She observed the tear across his body for a moment, then bowed her head, resigned. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

“What?” Steven muttered, before his head caught up to what she’d said. “Wait- _why?_ ”

When Amy looked up again her expression was grim, eyes shimmering ever-so-slightly. “You wouldn’t be in this situation if not for me. This-” she gestured to Steven’s wound, “is my fault. I’ve failed you, My Steven.”

Steven opened his mouth to reply, but the words he sought escaped him. His mind drifted for a moment, foggy. _It’s not… what?_ He felt his bubble falter- but that could _not_ happen- and as he redoubled his efforts the world snapped back into focus, a painful jolt against his systems. Steven shook his head, trying to clear it.

“It’s not your fault,” he murmured. He offered Amy a weak, pained smile. “I just wish I could’ve been stronger for you.”

Suddenly the blows against his dome stopped, an uncanny silence descending even through the muffled barrier. Steven and Amy looked up in unison, taking in the worst sight they could’ve found before them.

Yellow Diamond had arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heliodor returns! I was having trouble deciding on an antagonist and dear friend of mine suggested her, which was an absolutely perfect idea~ so thanks to him for giving an actual use to one of my side characters.
> 
> Worth noting: the whole ‘all gems of the same type have identical personalities despite differences in time and experience except for a few very blatant exceptions’ phenomenon has always irked me, so yes, gems will be their own people with distinct personalities. While I will try to maintain the gem archetypes as established in the show, personal growth will be the primary defining factor for my characters’ identities.
> 
> Also, fun fact! The facet number of a gem corresponds to the facet their kindergarten was located in on their colony of origin! It took me way too long to realize this.


	9. ...Must Come Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some wholesome family time with the Diamonds! …Also known as psychological torture.
> 
> In other news, we’ve officially breached the 50k mark! It only gets longer from here, folks (just like this chapter).

To say Yellow Diamond was angry was an understatement. No, as her eyes took in the procession below her, she was _furious._ Her gaze was like ice: freezing everything it touched until it shattered purely from the cold. Steven was faintly glad that, for once, that look wasn’t trained on him.

“My Diamond!” Heliodor cried, dispersing her weapons as she snapped into a salute. “I assure you, I was just about to apprehend-”

“ _What_ ,” Yellow spat viciously, “is the meaning of this?”

Heliodor straightened, confused. “The traitors have ensconced themselves within this shield,” she explained, still holding her salute as she nodded to the pink barricade, Steven and Amy huddled within, “but I was able to damage Rose beforehand; the construct is certain to fall when she succumbs to discorporation.”

Yellow’s eyes flashed to Steven, then narrowed, anger continuing to grow. “My orders were very specifically _not_ to harm the gem accompanying the amethyst,” Yellow intoned dangerously. “Under _any_ circumstances.”

Heliodor backpedaled. “But- My Diamond! She is _Rose Quartz!_ ”

Yellow’s eyes flashed. “ _She_ is _Pink Diamond_.” Her tone left no room for question.

Heliodor had taken on the almost-universal look of terror of a gem faced with an angry diamond, combined with a fair portion of abject horror. “I- That’s not possible, My Diamond! Her gem-” Yellow’s expression grew openly enraged and Heliodor snapped her mouth shut, sensing her grave mistake.

“Her gem is not your concern!” Yellow snarled, an angry motion of her hand calling forth lightning. Heliodor stepped back, cowed. “You dare question me? Know your place and cease your insipid excuses!” Heliodor, wisely, stayed silent, and Yellow continued, “You have assaulted a _Diamond_ , Heliodor! Surely you know how grievous a crime you have committed- or must I spell that out for you as well?”

“No, My Diamond- I swear, I didn’t know!” Heliodor was frantically searching for a defense, holding her diamond salute rigidly. She looked to Steven as if he would deny Yellow’s proclamation, repeating, “I didn’t know!”

Normally Steven would be the first to vie for a gem’s innocence, but at the moment he really couldn’t bring himself to care. He took in the ordeal unfolding before them with a hazy indifference, putting what little energy he had towards maintaining his bubble. He- _they_ would be safe so long as it held.

Yellow, looking down on Heliodor like she was no more than a yapping dog, had heard enough. A bolt of lightning shot forth from her hand, enveloping the desperate commander, and in a blink Heliodor’s gem fell to the ground. It landed with a macabre _plink_ against the taut silence, every gem looking on in horror.

Amy shuddered next to Steven, eyes trained on Heliodor’s gem. He shared the sentiment. Yellow turned her eyes on him, then, and even as he looked down he could feel the power of her gaze.

“Pink,” Yellow demanded, “come out of there _immediately_.”

Steven didn’t bother gracing her with a reply. There was no way _that_ was going to happen.

“You cannot be serious-” A muscle in Yellow’s jaw twitched as she visibly restrained her fury. “Pink, the time for games is over; come out. Now.”

“No,” Steven said with a shudder.

Yellow’s fist clenched, but she remained controlled. “There’s no need to damage yourself to make a point, Pink. You can’t stay like this, so you _will_ come with me. _Now._ ”

“I’m not dropping my bubble until you promise not to hurt Amy!” Steven cried. “She didn’t do anything wrong! -She was just following my orders!”

“ _Amy_ - _?_ ” Yellow began incredulously. Her eyes flicked to Amy, then back to Steven. “Really, Pink? All this over a _single_ amethyst? If that’s all you wanted, I could have offered you hundreds of suitable gems to choose from! Gems _befitting_ of your station.”

“I don’t want _an_ amethyst,” Steven growled, another shiver running through him. “I want _Amy_!” He had to pause for breath, seemingly not able to keep the necessary air in his lungs to speak. Amy looked over at him, worried.

“This amethyst is not worth your attention!” Yellow shouted, glaring at Steven. He glared back.

He opened his mouth, a biting retort on the tip of his tongue, when Amy, strangely enough, stepped forward. Yellow’s focus snapped to her; she instantly seemed to regret the move, but pushed forward nonetheless. She grimaced, bowing her head as she formed a determined salute.

“Whatever your judgement is of me, My Diamond, I know it to be just.” Amy stated firmly. “I… I know I have no right to ask, but please, my only request is that you show leniency towards-” she hesitated, gaze darting to Steven for a moment, “Pink Diamond.”

“And what do _you_ know of Pink, _Amethyst?_ ” Yellow sneered, peering at Amy disdainfully.

Steven’s eyes fluttered closed; he wrenched them back open - not was _not_ the time - just as Yellow’s eyes flicked away from him, deep with some unfathomable emotion. Something _more_ than sheer anger. He didn’t have the energy to analyze it.

Amy gulped. Still looking down, she seemed not to realize Yellow’s sarcasm as she replied, “I… I know that she is having difficulty resuming her role on Homeworld- which is not her fault. She- she made an… error in judgement. One that you, My Diamond, will no doubt rectify.” Yellow kept her calculated glare trained upon Amy and said gem shuffled beneath it, continuing nervously, “Pink Diamond has a strong sense of justice, but perhaps… uh, perhaps she has trouble realizing, at times, where best to direct her efforts. I know she will benefit greatly from your wisdom… and patience, My Diamond.”

Yellow looked very much like she wanted to snap Amy in two- and would have, were it not for Steven’s shield. Yellow’s eyes roved coldly over the gem once more, picking her apart piece by piece. Yet when she spoke, to Steven’s surprise, a minute amount of vitriol had left her tone. “I see Pink has repaired whatever _defect_ you harbored.”

Amy stiffened, hiding what Steven knew to be a wave of raw panic. “Ye-yes, My Diamond! I regret my former deficiency; I was truly unworthy to serve your court in such a state.”

Yellow’s eyes flashed back to Steven for a moment. She grit her teeth, no doubt swallowing a scathing remark. “And you were following Pink’s _explicit_ orders, Amethyst, as you wasted my troops’ time and energy tracking you down?”

Amy opened her mouth, only a breath of air escaping. A moment of silence passed until, thankfully, she found her voice again. “…Yes, My Diamond.” A lie. Amy had just lied to Yellow for him.

Yellow brought her hand to her brow. She took a deep, profoundly aggravated breath, then let it out in a huff. “ _Somehow_ ,” Yellow spat, “this single amethyst possesses more capability to follow orders than an _entire squadron_ of my own _elite_ gems.” She cast her venomous gaze around, gems shrinking back in fear, before looking back to Steven. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say she is worthy of your court, Pink, and certainly not the lengths you’ve gone for her to remain whole…”

Yellow ground her teeth, then clucked her tongue in exasperation, hissing a half-whisper, “This is _absolutely_ ridiculous. I swear, Blue…” She grimaced as if swallowing a foul taste, and continued, louder, “Fine, take her, if this amethyst means so much to you. Her behavior was under your command and therefore the consequences are on your shoulders. But you _will_ _come now_ , _Pink_.” The last sentence was less a demand, and more a promise of what horror would befall him if he continued to test Yellow’s patience. Whatever force was holding back her fury had obviously reached its limit.

Steven figured he’d gotten the best he was going to get from Yellow; it was honestly more than he’d hoped for. He dropped the barrier, nearly falling sideways to the ground, were it not for Amy swiftly coming to his side. He was losing the battle to stay corporeal quickly; he couldn’t feel his extremities, could barely even hold his head up straight. His injury was wearing him away bit by bit, like sand caught in the tide. How long until nothing was left?

Yellow drew closer. Steven’s eyes slid closed, and he hadn’t the presence of mind to reopen them. What was the point? She’d won.

“Please,” he pled despite himself, his strength failing him. “Please don’t hurt Amy.”

“Pink-?” a worried voice whispered. And then silence.

Steven opened his eyes to darkness, and not the soft, gentle dark of a warm summer’s night. No, this was the dark of an ancient temple, cold and vengeful with memories of the past. A biting wind howled against him, somehow coming from every direction at once; he shivered against its force.

Steven turned, stepping forward as he fought to escape the gale, when it suddenly went silent. A force moved in the darkness- not seen, but felt: a thousand rivers of energy converging in quiet. Steven glanced over his shoulder- and flinched back, breathless.

Pink Diamond loomed over him, diamond-eyes dark and cold: emotionless pits into a cosmic void. Steven stumbled back, but as he felt something behind him he recoiled, spinning around, only to find yet another image of _her_.

“No,” Steven gasped, horrified.

Left, right, center he turned, but as he brushed past one image of his mom’s diamond past two more rose to meet him, staring with those same empty eyes. He broke into a run, dashing around the phantoms- he had to get _away_.

“I’m not you!” Steven cried, dodging pink demons. “I’m not my mom!” And then, with a wave of anger, “Leave me _ALONE!_ ”

Suddenly all was silent: empty. Steven was alone. He huddled down in the darkness, tears falling silently to the floor. He couldn’t stand to be a moment longer in such a dreadful place. He needed to get _out._

The barest glimmer of light danced around him, a soft wisp of rose, and he was gone again.

Steven opened his eyes to light, bright and colorful, a wash of peaceful blues.

Ah- and there was Blue herself. Why was she-?

“Pink!” Blue fussed, scooping him up (at which Steven started terribly) and holding him close, checking him over. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?” She looked dreadfully worried, tears falling in streams down her face.

Steven looked around, taking in his surroundings. Wait-

“Where’s Amy?” he gasped, standing up as he peered over Blue’s fingers.

Blue let out a disappointed exhalation. “Pink,” she chastised, bringing one finger to his cheek as she gently nudged his gaze in line with hers. “You can play with your new gem later; right now, we’re discussing you.”

He caught sight of Yellow looming in the background, arms crossed and stone-faced.

“Now, are you alright?” Blue asked again. She focused in on his navel. “Your… issue, hasn’t worsened?”

Steven looked down, surprised to find his gem visible. His shirt- or… dress? That was new. -hugged his midriff, fitting perfectly around- _oh no._

Steven ran his fingers over his gem, hoping he was just seeing things- but no, it was real. His gem had turned, no longer showing its top, pentagonal facet, but twisted on its side. Just like Pink Diamond’s. No, it _was_ Pink Diamond’s. Why-?

“Pink?” Blue stressed, worry creeping back into her tone.

“I- I’m fine!” Steven stuttered. “Really, it’s nothing. Everything’s fine.”

Blue frowned. She glanced down at his gem again, leaving Steven feeling terribly exposed. “Well, if you’re sure…” She sighed, drawn. “You can’t keep doing this, Pink. I know how you like your little games, but-”

“It wasn’t a game!” Steven protested, surprising even himself. He could see Blue about to form a reprimand; another half-formed thought tumbled from his mouth. “I wasn’t playing! I was- …scared.” He glanced over at Yellow, then down, regretting having spoken at all.

Blue followed his gaze, brow furrowing. “You know Yellow would never hurt you.” Steven hunched down and Blue cocked her head slightly, insisting, “…right, Pink?”

At Steven’s lack of response, Blue lifted him a little closer to her face, gently chiding, “Pink… No one will harm you here. You’re safe. Heliodor will be broken for what she did to you-”

“What, no!” Steven gasped, horrified. “You can’t-!”

“She _wounded_ you, Pink. Her actions are unforgivable-”

“She was just following orders!” Steven interrupted, and Blue frowned.

“She was _disobeying_ her orders,” Yellow hissed, finally looking over.

Steven’s mouth went dry, but he objected still, “She thought I was Rose Quartz! _You_ were about ready to shatter me when you thought I was her! How is this any different?”

Blue looked away, pained, but Yellow’s mouth drew into an angry line. “Order must be upheld, Pink,” she stated.

This couldn’t be happening. Not again. “She wouldn’t have disobeyed if she didn’t think it was for the good of Homeworld! You already poofed her- isn’t that enough?” Steven appealed. Seeing no progress with Yellow, he tried again, “It was _me_ she hurt; shouldn’t _I_ be the one to decide her punishment?”

Yellow shook her head, exasperated, a rebuttal on the tip of her tongue.

“Please,” Steven pleaded, swiping away a tear that trailed down his face, “haven’t enough people been hurt because of me?”

Blue’s face pinched in sympathy. “Oh, Pink, don’t cry.” Steven, regardless of her plea, continued to cry, and Blue added, compassionate, “Do you truly care so much for Heliodor’s fate, even after what she’s done to you?”

Steven nodded quickly, sniffling. “Of- of course! She was just doing her job- _I_ was the one in the wrong. She never would’ve attacked me if she knew who I was.”

He could see Blue begin to cave. She glanced back to Yellow. “How useful is she to you, Yellow? Surely, if Pink is telling the truth, it would be worth reconsidering her punishment.”

Yellow’s eyes grew hard. “Her worth is irrelevant. She injured a _Diamond_ ; her punishment is more than merciful for her crime.”

Blue frowned, a hint of irritation snaking across her features. “I’m sure that we can overlook this _one_ misstep on Heliodor’s part, considering Pink herself wishes to grant leniency…?” She gave the other diamond an intent look. “She _is_ willing to take the blame for Heliodor’s actions, just as she has her new amethyst’s.”

“I will,” Steven confirmed. Blue looked down at him at that, an acknowledgement that was almost… proud.

Yellow, thoroughly annoyed, turned away, decisive gesture accentuating her words. “What don’t you understand about this, Pink? Your gems won’t respect you unless you _demand_ their respect. If I allow Heliodor to simply walk away without reprimand, there is nothing stopping her from disobeying orders again, or _worse_ , influencing other gems to do the same.”

“ _Nothing-?_ ” Steven sputtered, incredulous. “Yellow, those gems are _terrified_ of you. They want nothing more than to please you, Heliodor especially! This isn’t- some sort of _rebellion_ ,” he saw the other diamonds wince at the word, “it’s all just a big misunderstanding!”

Yellow narrowed her eyes. For a moment Steven thought she would reprimand them both, ensure Heliodor’s demise, but then she locked eyes with Blue. Her gaze softened and- _something_ shone there, an emotion quickly buried. She sighed, wavering for a moment before relenting, “Heliodor will be stripped of her rank and the gems under her command, but her life will be spared.”

Blue smiled gently. “Thank you, Yellow. I’m sure Pink is very pleased to hear that.” She looked to Steven expectantly.

Steven nodded. “Yeah- Thank you, Yellow.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue, but what else could he do? Make a scene- get chased around Homeworld _again?_ At least this way, no one died.

Slowly, Blue’s smile faded, a frown taking its place. “But the matter remains of your misconduct, Pink.”

Steven bowed his head, inwardly bracing himself for what was to come. He peered up at Blue from under his lashes, waiting for the axe to fall.

Blue’s voice grew pained, “I don’t understand- _Why_ would you run off like that, Pink? What were we to think? What would _White_ think?” She paused, tears flowing once more. “You could have been damaged- or taken- …Or _worse_.” Blue brought one hand to cover her mouth, trying and failing to contain her emotion.

Yellow glared, wiping her own eyes irritably, though completely unnoticed by Blue.

“I’m sorry, Blue,” Steven murmured through his own tears, feeling more than a fair portion of guilt. He truly _was_ the _worst_.

Blue sighed. “You made a mistake. One that you’ve taken responsibility for, and will not happen again- will it, Pink?” Blue insisted, a not-quite-question with only one answer.

“No,” Steven breathed. “I won’t run away again.”

Blue nodded, relaxing, wiping tears from her eyes. She seemed quick to forgive, unlike Yellow- more relieved he returned safely than angry about his disappearance.

“But you still must be punished,” Yellow interjected, flat, “or you’ll never learn.”

Blue looked away. “ _Yellow-_ ” she began.

Yellow shot Blue a glare. “We discussed this, Blue,” she stated, firm. “In fact, _you_ insisted on it.”

“I… Yes, Pink must face consequences for her actions, but the tower…” Blue frowned, worry plain. “I don’t want her to be alone. Not after what’s happened.”

Yellow rolled her eyes. “Then take the amethyst with her.” She crossed her arms, decided.

Blue’s watery gaze shifted around the room, finally resting on Steven, still cradled in her palm. “I… suppose that would do.” Blue looked down at Steven, deliberating. He knew better, by now, than to object.

Blue tentatively raised a finger, stroking his hair softly. “Are you feeling well enough, Pink? None of this… _sleep_ , that happened last time?” She paused, then added, “I know this is difficult for you, but it’s for your own good. You know how White would be if she found out you were running amok about Homeworld, unaccompanied. It’s better it doesn’t come to that.”

“I’m okay,” Steven said quietly. He _really_ didn’t want to think about what White might do to him; the other diamonds’ punishments were bad enough as it was.

Suddenly, Blue Pearl’s voice wafted through the quiet, a gentle deference, “My Diamond. Should I reschedule your meeting with the Morganites?”

Blue started slightly, as if the meeting hadn’t even crossed her mind- and judging by her apprehensive glance between Steven and Yellow, it hadn’t.

Blue opened her mouth to speak when Yellow cut in bitterly, “You should go, Blue. Pink is safe, and I assure you I am capable of escorting her to the tower myself.”

“Are you sure-” Blue began, only to be cut off again.

“ _Yes,_ Blue,” Yellow stressed, exasperated. “I am sure of my capability to traverse a quarter-facet without incident. A break from,” Yellow gestured quickly to the room at large, “ _this,_ will do you good.”

Blue still frowned, still unsure. She didn’t seem very relieved by Yellow’s assertions. Neither was Steven.

“I have things to discuss with Pink,” Yellow added, and Blue’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “ _Stars’_ _sake_ , Blue, I will not frighten her away, I assure you. She will not leave my sight under _any_ circumstances.” Yellow was looking seriously put out at this point, and Steven hoped for his sake that Blue would make up her mind, either way. “I will not tolerate failure,” Yellow insisted, intent. She opened her mouth to continue, paused, then added with utmost candor, “… _especially_ from myself.”

This seemed to placate Blue as she finally relented, “I _should_ meet with the Morganites…”

Yellow nodded. “You should. And Pink will be waiting when your meeting is over.” It seemed Steven didn’t have a say in this. Not that he expected to.

Blue sighed, then carefully lowered Steven to the floor. Her hands lingered by him a moment more as she said, “We’ll talk more later, Pink.” She stood, then added, serious, “Behave yourself for Yellow.”

Steven nodded.

Blue gave him one more look, then swept from the room, her pearl at her heels. Blue Pearl looked back at Steven as she left; he couldn’t quite make out her expression, but he thought it might be disappointment. Somehow, thinking his stunt might’ve upset _her_ hit harder than all the Diamonds’ vitriol, and a knot of guilt settled definitively into his stomach. He’d really messed up.

The door shut; as soon as eyes were off them Yellow rounded on Steven, a tangible tension flooding the air. She waited a few moments more, eyes on the door, before snapping, “How _dare_ you make a fool of me like that, Pink!” Ah- _there_ was the Yellow Steven was used to. She threw her hands up in disbelief; Steven tensed. “To force my hand against Heliodor; what were you _thinking?_ ”

Steven opened his mouth but Yellow continued, “Of course- you weren’t thinking at all, were you? You never think before you act, and look where that leads us!” She exhaled sharply, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Just wait until White hears about _this._ You might have won your silly amethyst, but you _know_ how White is- What she might _do_. There are better ways to get what you want.” She crossed her arms, glaring down at him. “Ways that don’t involve treading on White’s cape, or-” Yellow’s voice grew rougher, “or putting yourself in harm’s way.” She paused a moment, then gestured violently, agitation returning tenfold. “ _Well?_ ” Yellow demanded. Steven flinched. “What do you have to say for yourself, Pink?”

Steven shrank back, mouth dry. No words came to mind. “I’m sorry,” he whispered pitifully.

Yellow huffed, still caught up in her tirade. “And what about Blue? How could you run off like that, put her through thinking she’d _lost_ you, _again?_ She was _devastated,_ Pink!” She shook her head, incredulous. “And, of course, she blames _me_ for your little disappearing act! You act like you _want_ to make things worse for yourself!”

“I don’t!” Steven insisted, downtrodden. “I just- I’m _sorry_.”

Yellow was silent a moment, appraising him. “Then _act like it_ ,” she spat, then turned, leading the way out. Steven, sullen and dreading what was to come, trailed along behind her, shortly followed by Yellow Pearl, offering Steven a disdainful look as he passed.

As they crossed the room’s threshold Steven saw her: Amy, standing stock-stiff against the wall in a permanent salute, the pair of topazes guarding the room leering in her direction.

“Amy!” Steven cried, running up to her. “Are you okay?” he asked. “They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“No, My Diamond,” she replied, keeping her eyes downcast.

Yellow let out a huff of breath above him. “Your amethyst will need to be reformed, Pink, in accordance with your Court’s attire. It is unsuitable for her to wear my insignia any longer.”

Steven stiffened, panicking. She was going to _poof_ Amy? “That’s not- I mean-”

“It is a customary practice, My Diamond, when a gem is placed under a new command,” Amy replied, shooting him a look that begged him not to object. “It may be done at your discretion.”

“I…” Steven was still stunned. He looked up at Yellow. “Not- not right now, okay?”

Yellow rolled her eyes. “It will need to be done before she appears in public,” she stated, then turned to continue down the hall.

Steven looked Amy over one last time, ensuring she really was well and whole (she seemed to be doing the same), then followed after Yellow, Amy keeping a respectable distance behind him.

They walked in silence for a while before Yellow looked back. “Keep up, Pink,” she said irritably, slowing nearly to a halt until Steven made his way alongside, instead of behind her.

Yellow picked up the pace, though after a moment she glanced at him from the corner of her eye. She breathed in deeply, then spoke, “I don’t know why you insist on seeing promise in lesser gems, Pink. You only waste your time, searching for something that isn’t there.”

Steven sighed. He really didn’t want to argue with Yellow again. “Well,” he offered, dejected, “ _you_ seem to see some promise in _me_.”

Suddenly Yellow stopped, full attention on Steven as he turned back. “ _Pink_ ,” she admonished, mouth opening and closing several times, lost for words. “You are not… _lesser._ ”

Steven knew what Yellow wanted to hear from him: agreement, but he was just so tired of the way the Diamonds treated him. Surely, Yellow must realize that, despite her words, her actions spoke a completely different story. He shrugged. “I don’t see you and Blue getting locked away,” he said, a bitter overtone saturating his voice. He couldn’t bring himself to regret his candor.

Yellow’s expression turned pained for a moment, quickly replaced by a blank mask. She looked off to the side, taking in one of the many murals adoring the walls. “I know I have been… hard, on you, at times,” Yellow admitted, “but it is only because I know the diamond you will be one day. You are not lesser, Pink. You are the _authority_ : insurmountable, ineffable… perfect in every facet. Where you lead, all gems will follow.” She fell silent a moment, suddenly seeming lost in a world of her own. Her voice was strangely empty when she spoke again, “You don’t understand what White would do to you, for behaving like this. Blue and I… we only want what’s best for you.”

Steven didn’t know what to say to that. Fortunately, Yellow didn’t seem to expect a reply. Her eyes slid down to the floor, thoughtful, before she shook off her strange demeanor and continued forward.

No more words were spoken until they arrived at Steven’s tower-prison.

Yellow paused before the twin doors, looking down at Amy. “Amethyst,” she acknowledged, and said gem snapped into a salute. “You are to inform Blue if anything… unusual occurs while Pink is detained.”

Amy nodded, questions swirling in her eyes. “Yes, My Diamond.” She swallowed, then added, tentative, “Ah- but I don’t have any means to contact-”

“Pearl,” Yellow snapped, talking over Amy as if her mere presence was an annoyance, and the pearl dashed forward.

“Yes, My Diamond?” Yellow Pearl inquired, practically quivering with importance at being called upon.

Yellow demanded, “Provide the amethyst with a direct-line communicator.”

The pearl drew a small device from her gem with a flourish, handing it to Amy with a haughty smirk as her Diamond redirected her attention.

“You are not to abuse this line; it is for _emergencies_ only, or when you are specifically instructed to use it.” Yellow’s eyes bored into Amy, twin daggers warning what would happen if she failed to heed her words.

Amy nodded again, tension rolling off of her. “Yes, My Diamond,” she asserted quickly, clearly wanting out of Yellow’s line of sight as soon as possible.

Yellow nodded, then looked to Steven. She paused, assessing him a moment, before turning away without another word, opening the doors. She led the way into the prison cell, and Steven took one last breath of free air as he followed.

“Think about your actions, Pink,” Yellow stated, in lieu of a farewell, waiting until Steven nodded an assent before striding out again, leaving him and Amy behind.

The doors closed, once more blocking out the world. Steven stood, staring past the gray blankness for a moment, then a minute, and yet longer as a tension grew within him. His hands clenched into angry fists; his mouth turned in a snarl.

Eventually, Amy spoke, a hesitant brush against the silence, “My Diamond?”

Steven spun to her, shouting, “I’m _not_ a _Diamond!_ ”

Amy stumbled back, unbalanced by the sheer power of his voice, and Steven felt a pang of guilt. Yet, it wasn’t enough to quench the rage suddenly boiling within him; if anything, it made it stronger. He whirled back to the door, unleashing a guttural scream as he charged it.

The door held firm against his shoulder, sending Steven tumbling to the floor, but it didn’t deter him. He scrambled back to his feet, summoning two shields and charging again, then again, until on the third ram his shields shattered against the flat gray plane. He drew back his fists instead, throwing himself against the door, the sole thing trapping him in this wretched place, but, as always, he wasn’t strong enough; he couldn’t get free. It just wasn’t… _fair!_

Steven’s breath came in faint pants, jaw tight and body trembling as he finally turned away from the cell door. His eyes scanned the room - skipping over Amy, watching warily from the side wall - and landing upon the sole upper window. He crouched, then jumped against the far wall, back to the near one, and finally to the window, scrambling for purchase against the smooth stone.

He perched himself on the sill as least-precariously as he could, looking out over a crystalline Homeworld skyline that, in any other circumstance, would’ve been beautiful. He reached an arm out the too-small opening- or tried, but yanked it back with a yelp as he met the shock of an invisible forcefield. His fist clenched once again. Of course the Diamonds thought of everything. Of course he couldn’t escape from this single room, let alone this damned planet.

Steven closed his eyes, setting his forehead against the stone with a resounding _thunk_. He let out a sigh- or more of a sob, really, cursing his own weakness. Everything he did only made things worse. Anything he tried was doomed from the start.

A shudder ran through him, along with a growing awareness of a tired pain within, resonating from his gem. He rested a hand over his navel, groaning as the pain flared, then receded. He’d never felt this kind of pain before, not to this extent; he must’ve really overworked himself with his shapeshifting act.

Steven offered the window one last sigh, then pushed off the wall, planning to float gently to the ground. Unfortunately, his gem had other ideas, and despite his desperate desire to not break every bone in his body, accompanied by wild flailing, he hit the floor with a resounding crash. He blinked, dazed as he lay on his back, before realizing he wasn’t, in fact, injured. Huh. A small perk of being inorganic.

Amy rushed over as if to help him up, then hesitated, worried eyes flicking up and down his body.

“I’m fine,” Steven sighed, thumping his head back to the floor as his gem flared again, burning lines of pain through his limbs.

“I’m sorry, My Steven,” Amy offered, tentative. “I shouldn’t have called you that.”

Steven blinked, and the ceiling came into focus. After a moment he remembered what, exactly, she was talking about. “It’s fine.”

“I… if you’re sure, My Steven,” Amy said, stepping back. It was clear she didn’t know how to take his despondency, but she continued to watch him nevertheless.

After a while Amy’s stare began to grate on him; he reluctantly forced himself to rise, only to fall back to a knee as his gem flared once more.

“My Steven?” Amy questioned worriedly, coming closer again.

Steven opened his mouth to reply, offer some lame excuse, when another shock of pain took his breath away. He held his arms tightly to his stomach, protecting the only thing still keeping him alive. “I-it hurts.” The words fell from his mouth before he had the chance to rethink them.

Amy blanched. “Your gem?” she asked.

Steven nodded, squeezing his eyes tight against the pain. But the moment passed and the shocks receded, vanishing once more. “It’s okay,” he said, rising on wobbly legs. “I’m fine.”

It was clear Amy wasn’t convinced. “I can call for help.”

“Don’t!” Steven cried, holding out a hand, as if to stop her. He took a breath; there was no need to scare her even _more._ “There’s nothing anyone can do; it’s fine, I promise. I just need to sit down.”

Steven made his way to the wall, sliding down to a slumped heap on the floor. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically (or metaphysically, maybe). This day had really been the cherry on the cake, hadn’t it? After everything, after escaping, he’d wound up in an even worse state than when he’d started, back in this stupid cell. His eyes flicked over to Amy, still watching him with concern. At least she was safe. Well, okay, not really safe, but at least she wasn’t dead.

Steven sighed, pressing his hands into his eyes. Hands that were, as always, an unnatural shade of fuchsia. He didn’t know why he was even fighting the notion still; it was undeniable- he _was_ Pink Diamond, even if he wasn’t _that_ Pink Diamond. But to acknowledge that he’d have to put himself on the same plane as the _other_ Diamonds, and he didn’t know if his shattered soul could survive being compared to the very same genocidal tyrants that tried so many times to destroy everything he held dear. To destroy _him._

Yet, could he truly, definitively say that he _wasn’t_ the Pink Diamond they thought he was? He might not have all his mom’s memories, but he certainly had some of them. Without his human half, he was just his gem- _Pink’s_ gem. Who’s to say that Yellow and Blue weren’t right, that he wasn’t merely a weak, amnesiac Pink, _pretending_ to be someone he wasn’t?

“I’m not her,” Steven muttered under his breath. “I’m not Pink Diamond.” His breath hitched and a small shock of pain ran through him, as if a punishment for his denial. “I’m not,” he insisted, more desperately. He sniffled, pressing harder at his eyes to keep tears from forming. “I’m Steven Universe. I’m half-human, half-gem, I live on Earth with my dad and the Crystal Gems and Connie and Lion and everyone in Beach City. I’m not Pink Diamond. I- I’m not my mom. I’m _not._ ”

A sudden touch broke him from his reverie. He flinched back with a smothered yelp, only to find Amy before him once again, grimacing as she withdrew her hand.

“I’m sorry, My Steven,” Amy began, but Steven had heard enough apologies.

“It’s fine, Amy,” he said, short. He closed his eyes again, trying to calm himself, when another wave of pain hit.

Steven bit back a whimper, wrapping his arms about himself as he tried, and failed, to will the pain away. Amy was at his side once more, hands hovering as she sought a way to help. While the previous episodes had been short, this one was not. It dragged on, a whirlpool of cycling pain, fire lancing through his limbs.

“My Steven?” Amy asked, voice high with restrained panic.

Steven shook his head frantically, clenching fistfuls of fabric as he rode out the final waves of pain, subsiding into a tired throb centered in his gem.

Amy made a small, perturbed noise. “I’m sending for the Diamonds,” she said at last.

Steven straightened instantly, eyes flying open. “No!” he shouted, and Amy froze.

She turned her palms up slightly, a placating gesture. “My Steven…” her eyes flicked to his gem, “you need help.”

Steven rubbed a few stray tears from his eyes, gazing at Amy, imploring her to understand. “Not from _them_.”

Amy’s face darkened, understanding, eyes downcast. She nodded, settling back into a kneel at his side, just far enough to be proper. Steven hated proper.

He shimmied closer, earning a wary appraisal from Amy. He sighed, voice weaker than he would’ve liked, “I’m sorry; I know you’re just trying to help, but I can’t go to the Diamonds.”

“Because they did this to you,” Amy finished the unspoken words. She seemed to find all the confirmation she needed on Steven’s face, and an angry snarl crept around her mouth, tightening her jaw.

A wave of exhaustion swept over Steven, and he bridged the final distance between them to lean against Amy’s shoulder. She stiffened, but didn’t move.

“Is this okay?” Steven asked tentatively.

“It’s not… proper,” she muttered.

That wasn’t a denial in Steven’s books. He pressed his face more firmly into her arm. She was… “You’re warm,” he murmured absently.

Amy’s head snapped to the side as she studied him with sudden intensity. “That’s not… Why are you cold?” She placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “You’re not supposed to be cold.”

Steven shrugged. Did it really matter?

“My Steven?” He couldn’t find the energy to reply. “ _Stars_ , this is _not_ good-”

Steven felt himself drift away, pleasantly, and then nothing.

Steven shook his head, clearing the cobwebs that surrounded his thoughts. He pushed himself off the ground, looking around, only to find Amy nearby, frantically saying… something.

Concerned, Steven made his way over, reaching out to touch the amethyst. “Amy?” he questioned.

Amy flinched back, then froze, head swiveling back and forth, eyes passing right through him. “My Steven?” she whispered, tense.

“Amy, I’m right here,” Steven said, bemused. “…Amy?” he questioned when she didn’t respond. He reached out his hand again, brushing her shoulder. “Amy?”

“My Steven!” she sputtered, shocked. She looked down at… something… next to her. “What- where are you? What is this?”

Steven looked down at himself, noting a distinct translucence that he didn’t normally possess. Actually, everything seemed slightly… off. Not-quite-real. Was this a dream?

“I’m… right here?” Steven answered. “Can’t you see me?”

Amy looked down again. Something- _someone_ was leaning against her, but he couldn’t quite make out who… “Uh…”

Oh. _Oh._ He was asleep. Doing his weird psychic ghost thing. “Oh, Amy, it’s fine- don’t worry. Sometimes when I fall asleep I just kinda… end up like this. Out-of-body experience, you know?”

Amy’s eyes flicked back and forth, searching, confusion evident. “…Sure.”

Steven held back a chuckle. Why _was_ he like this, though? He looked around, an impressionistic blur of gray surrounding him. Wait. If he wasn’t in his body, he could go anywhere, couldn’t he? He could go to Earth!

“Amy!” he burst, startling said gem. “Sorry- I have an idea! I’m going to see if I can get to Earth like this- maybe I can get my message through after all!”

Amy gazed through him, then looked down at his sleeping self again. “What about-?”

“Don’t worry, once I’m done I’ll wake back up. It might take me a while, though.”

Amy looked distinctly worried at this, but nodded slowly. “By your leave, My Steven.”

Steven removed his hand from her shoulder. First he had to _find_ Earth…

He turned his gaze up, past the too-gray ceiling, and the stars spread endlessly before him. It was easier than he thought to find the distant pinprick of light that signified Earth- or, well, the general direction of Earth. It radiated familiarity, safety: home. He focused in, willing himself across the empty expanse of space, and began to move, further and further from the prison of Homeworld, gaining speed as he went.

And then he stopped. Steven drew back in surprise, peering through the mire of darkness surrounding him. Why had he…?

A sharp tug at his form set back him an- inch? A light year? Who knew- certainly not him. He whirled around, trying to find the ephemeral assailant, but was only met with more gloom. He twisted back and forth, losing track of direction in the empty blackness. Wait, where was Earth?

Suddenly Steven felt very lost and very, very alone. He craned his neck, trying to find the light that had so faithfully guided him before, only to realize that _all_ of the stars had gone dark. Something had gone incredibly wrong, and a sudden, fearful chill came over Steven.

He floated a moment, waiting for the lights to return- for _something,_ when he felt a brush against his consciousness. It was cold, oppressive: judgmental. He could feel it assessing him, deciding… something. Steven froze, fearful and helpless.

An echo of annoyance fluttered at the edge of his senses, blooming into a static disinterest. Suddenly there was light: _too much_ light, blinding as it tore at his fragile half-self, hurtling him through an endless expanse of terror. He opened his eyes, tearing himself away from the claws around him- and stopped. The light was gone; he was back in the tower, a startled Amy saying something, hands splayed, nonthreatening-

“-you alright?” Her tone pitched up, worried eyes roving over him, “My Steven?” He hadn’t responded; he _should_ respond-

“A-amy?” Steven stuttered, still getting his bearings. What _was_ that?

Amy let out a harsh breath of relief, approaching slowly. She muttered under her breath, “I knew I should’ve gotten help- no gem should be _still_ like that…”

Steven blinked, then sat on the floor where he was, cradling his head. Whatever had happened, he still felt a million miles away. “Ugh,” he groaned.

Amy crept closer, coming to kneel beside him. “Are you-” the answer to her question must’ve been apparent, as she changed track. “Did it work?” she asked, hushed.

Steven shook his head. “I didn’t make it…” He took a few breaths, grateful that Amy chose not to press the issue. Eventually he felt calm enough to continue. “Sorry… that’s never happened before.”

Amy’s eyes flicked to the side, then back to him. “Which part?”

A ghost of a smile flitted over Steven’s face; he shook his head. The humor quickly disappeared, though, as he thought back to the searing light. “Something- _someone_ pulled me back before I could get to Earth.” He shuddered, an echo of the efficient, calculating presence rolling through his senses. It felt like… Steven’s eyes widened. “I- I think it was White.”

Amy stiffened. “White _Diamond_?” she hissed, looking around as if said gem would swoop down at any moment.

Steven nodded, the realization pulling the pieces together in his mind. He shuddered once more. “I don’t think she wanted me to get to Earth,” he said quietly. Then, a whisper, “I- I don’t think I should try that again.”

Amy looked fearful still, but offered a small nod.

A silence overcame them then, pensive, both muddled in their own thoughts.

Steven pondered. Was it really White that stopped him from reaching Earth? He shuddered, recalling the event again. He hadn’t seen her, heard her, but yet, somehow he just… knew. It was White. And she wasn’t happy with him.

He placed a hand over his gem, still aching off and on, still stuck in its unfamiliar inversion. The Diamonds were so determined to keep him on Homeworld, to make him _her,_ to overlook and pluck away every remnant of his life on Earth. There was no way he was going to make it home, not with the way they were, and even less of a chance that they would so much as consider that they’d been wrong about him. He hated to admit it, to even think it, but things were hopeless. He was well and truly doomed.

A sudden motion caught Steven’s eye, breaking his disagreeable train of thought. He looked over at Amy, catching the tail end of a shudder. He narrowed his eyes; something wasn’t right.

“Amy?” he asked, and she straightened, glancing over questioningly. “What’s wrong?”

She went completely still, gazing stoically at the wall like it was the most interesting thing in the world. “Nothing,” she replied, an obvious lie.

“ _Amy,”_ Steven pressed, and she winced. “Amy, you have to tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” she tried again, even less convincing than the first time. “You should worry about your issues with the other Diamonds, not me.”

Steven pursed his lips. She wasn’t getting out of answering that easy. He got up, frowning as he studied Amy more closely. She looked… tired. Gems weren’t supposed to get tired, were they? Well- aside from him. He stepped closer, ignoring the wary look in Amy’s eye. No, it was more than tired. She seemed… thin: worn, like a well-used blanket- not yet fraying, but not as strong as it once was.

“Amy, please,” he insisted, “you can trust me.”

Amy’s fists clenched. She seemed to struggle with herself for a moment, then looked pointedly away. “It’s not important, My Steven.”

Steven narrowed his eyes. “Okay, that’s enough,” he said firmly, and Amy stiffened. “I already know you’re off-color and I don’t care, so whatever you’re hiding you better spill it. You might think you’re not important, or that your feelings don’t matter, but they do, to _me._ So- just tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it already!” He might’ve let a bit too much of his current frustration leak through at the end.

A portion of the oddly timid, insecure posture Amy had adopted left her, replaced by annoyance. That… was better. Then her form wavered slightly, almost imperceptibly; if he hadn’t been watching her as closely as he was, he wouldn’t have seen it. Steven crossed his arms, waiting. Sure enough, after another moment Amy rolled her eyes, letting out an irritated huff.

“Are you always this stubborn?” she asked, and Steven smirked. Amy rolled her shoulders back and sighed. She laced her fingers in front of her. “You know about my… issue,” she stated. Steven nodded.

Amy hesitated, eyes flicking about as they fought not to land on Steven. She opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “You can’t- I mean-” She scrunched up her face, running a hand over it. “I… I don’t know if you’ll… want me, anymore, if you know…”

Steven was aghast. “Of course I’ll want you! I _do_ want you!” He put a hand on Amy’s arm, ignoring her flinch. “Amy, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I _know_ that,” Amy said, irked, “I just don’t- I haven’t-” Her hand motioned aimlessly, as if trying to pluck words out of the air. “Okay, fine, just- it’s not good.”

Steven rubbed a circle into her arm with his thumb before letting go, hoping the gesture was taken as comfort. “Whatever it is, it won’t change how I think of you,” he reassured.

Amy gave one final sigh, looking away, and then her form shifted. At first Steven didn’t notice a difference, until Amy turned slightly, crossing her arms- well, _two_ of her arms. A smaller third had appeared, tucked slightly behind her, as if trying not to be seen.

Steven looked her up and down. “That’s it?” he asked, incredulous. Some of the fusions on Earth had _way_ more arms than that. Honestly, he’d always thought extra arms were cool. _Definitely_ not anything to be terrified over having.

Amy gawked at him, disbelief written on her face. “That- What? I mean- _I have THREE arms,_ My Steven!” Her arms flew up as if to accentuate her point. “It’s unnatural- _abominable-_ I shouldn’t _exist!_ ”

“Well, maybe to _Homeworld,_ ” he sneered, making it clear exactly what he thought of their backwards ideas, “but then, neither should I, and that’s not stopping me.”

Amy blinked at him, speechless.

Steven snickered, then bent over in an outright laugh. “You- you should see your face,” he wheezed. “What, did you think I’d be mad over _that?_ _I’ve_ had three arms when I fused with Amethyst!”

Amy choked. “You- _fused?_ With an _amethyst?_ ”

Steven laughed again. “Well, _yeah_ ; fusion’s not a big deal, Amy. The _Diamonds_ might not like it, but I bet they just haven’t tried it.”

Amy looked like she might keel over at any moment, as if his singular statement had shattered the very foundations of her world. Steven kept laughing.

“Your gems must all be cracked,” Amy said breathily, starting to pace. “To even _think_ of fusing with- with _you!_ ” She gestured violently to Steven. “It’s unheard of!”

Steven merely stuck out his tongue, leaving Amy gaping like a fish once more.

“You’re insane. _I’m_ insane; this is all cracked.”

Steven rolled his eyes. “Relax, Amy, it’s not like I’m going to fuse in front of the Diamonds. Besides, what are they going to do? Lock me up again?” He sighed, laughter fading. “Been there, done that.”

Amy groaned. She shook her head, as if trying to forget everything she’d just heard. After a moment of silence she collected herself, then spoke again. “So… what’s the plan?” Amy asked. “-Since Earth is out.”

Steven sighed again. “I don’t know. I just- I _have_ to get back there. My family is there; they might not even know I’m still alive!”

Amy wasn’t fazed by his heartfelt plea; if anything, she looked slightly annoyed. “Is Homeworld _that_ terrible to you, that all you can think of is leaving?”

“What- _Yes!_ ” Steven exclaimed. “Amy, they _killed_ me! They tried to kill my friends, my family! Then they dragged me here and have been keeping me prisoner for who-knows-how-long!”

“You know they won’t let you leave- _especially_ not after the stunt you pulled,” Amy stated, flat.

Steven sighed once more, deflated. “I know.”

It was Amy’s turn to sigh. She ran her hand over her face. “Look, as a- uh-” she clearly struggled to find a word other than _diamond._ “As a gem in your position, there are certain responsibilities you have to fill.”

“I don’t want them,” Steven scowled.

Amy huffed in exasperation. “The other Diamonds aren’t just going to sit back and let you squander your abilities. You’re _expected_ to fulfill your duties, and if you don’t you’ll doubtlessly just end up back here, _again_.” She gestured to the flat gray walls for emphasis.

Steven clenched his fists, tears pricking his eyes. “I never wanted this!” he shouted. “I never _asked-!_ ” He paused, then closed his eyes with a breath. He finished his statement softly, a bitter echo of Amethyst’s in the empty Prime Kindergarten, “I never asked to be _made_.”

Amy crossed her arms, frowning. “So, what, you’re going to cry about it? A lot of good that’ll do.”

Steven felt a brief current of anger, quickly subsiding into resignation. She _was_ right.

“You’re a- a _diamond_ ,” Amy continued, tensing as she was forced to say the word. “You so much as _think_ it and gems would fall over themselves to see out your will.”

“I don’t want that!” Steven protested.

“It doesn’t matter what you want!” Amy snapped back, then winced. She forcefully loosened her fists, calming herself. “I don’t know what happened on Earth - you’re clearly not who you were - but you _are_ a diamond! You were _made_ to rule, just like _I_ was made to fight. It is your _purpose._ ”

“I… I was made to be a human being!” Steven protested, but his doubt was clear. “I…” What _was_ he now, without his other half? A ghost of a human, torn from his body, or a gem, pretending to be something he never was? Could he really be nothing more than a cog in the Diamonds’ wheel? Could he really be _her?_

Amy scoffed. “You can’t change what you are,” she said bitterly, hand creeping up to her gem. “I would know.”

Steven’s fingertips traced his own gem, a reminder of everything he was- and wasn’t. His jaw tightened. “No,” he stated, defiant.

Amy looked over. “What?”

“You’re wrong,” Steven said, determined. “You _can_ change. Everyone on Earth has! Pearl used to serve Pink Diamond, but now she lives for herself! She taught herself to fight, to build- to be more than she was ever supposed to be! Ruby and Sapphire live as Garnet, and they’ve never regretted the love they share, even though they gave up everything for it! Amethyst was left behind, _defective,_ but she’s one of the strongest gems I know! She’d never stop fighting, and I won’t either!” He paused for breath. “You think things are hopeless because that’s all you’ve ever known, but there _is_ hope. Change… change is inevitable; the longer something stands against it, the more it wears away, until eventually… there’s nothing left.”

Amy didn’t look convinced. “You’re not changing anything from in here,” she said with a huff, giving the wall a disgruntled glare.

Steven sighed. “You’re right about that,” he relented. “And... and you’re right about me being a diamond, too. Even if I don’t want people to treat me like some sort of- _deity_ , they’re going to anyway. I just- I have to figure out how to make them _see_ that I’m not _that_ kind of diamond.”

Amy snorted. “Not that my advice counts for anything, but that sounds like a bad idea.”

Steven frowned. It certainly hadn’t gone well so far. “Yeah,” he said softly, disheartened. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

Amy inhaled deeply. She readjusted her position, eventually ending up staring at him intently, obviously lost in some train of thought.

Steven shuffled, uncomfortable with just how keen Amy’s gaze was. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.

Amy drew back, surprised. “Wha- uh. Nothing, I just…” She pressed her lips together, mulling over something.

Steven pulled together a questioning stare of his own and trained it upon Amy; after a moment she looked away, frowning.

“When you…” she trailed off with a half-shrug, her hands coming together as if cupping something. She peered down into her empty hands, conflicted, and started again. “I held your gem in my hands,” she spoke softly, as if she couldn’t believe her own words, then looked up, gauging Steven’s reaction. What she saw must’ve been encouraging as she continued, “I never thought- I mean, you!” She threw her arms up, a dry laugh escaping her. “A _diamond!_ ” She shook her head in disbelief. “I guess you diamonds aren’t so different from the rest of us, after all.”

Steven’s brows drew down, thoughtful. “No one’s perfect, Amy,” he said. “Not even the Diamonds.”

Amy’s hand flew up again, an objection, then settled into a dissatisfied fist against her cheek. “That’s not what I meant.”

Steven looked over at her, a wordless askance.

Amy tapped her fist against her lips. “Look,” she said, pressing her palms together, “you’re not what I- what _anyone_ would expect from a diamond. You’re…” she looked into Steven’s eyes for a moment, and he could see a battle of emotion taking place within her, “kind. And naïve, yes. -Completely out of touch with what your position _means_. But to allow yourself to be damaged, for _me_ …” Amy shook her head, then formed a diamond salute. “Even if I was given a choice otherwise, I would still wish to serve you. My life is yours unto shattering, My Steven.”

Steven looked away, pained. “You don’t have to do that, Amy. I’m not any better- or more important than you.”

Amy dropped her salute and stalked over, stopping a pace away to loom over him, annoyed. “You don’t get to say no, pebbl- uh, _My Steven_.” She paused, making sure Steven wasn’t mad before pressing on, “You already accepted me earlier, _publicly_ ; I’m just making it official. _You are_ my Diamond… whether you like it or not, and you’re stuck with me until you decide to break me, because no one else is going to take me after what I’ve done.”

Steven opened his mouth but Amy was prepared, cutting him off, “I know you don’t want to break me! Stars above, you’re as transparent as a mica.” She made a disgruntled noise deep in her throat. “I’m proclaiming you as my sole commander, my superior, my _Diamond_. It is a great honor - one of the _greatest_ honors a gem can have - to serve you. -And don’t you dare try to say otherwise!” She rolled her eyes as she finished, crossing her arms. _Daring_ Steven to refuse her.

Steven really, really wanted to show Amy her true worth, but he could see she wasn’t ready to accept it. He shook his head, a wry smile creeping across his face. “Okay, Amy,” he relented, and said gem sighed in relief, apparently less comfortable telling off a ‘diamond’ than she made herself out to be. “But you’re stuck with me now, too.”

Amy huffed a laugh, grinning, a flutter of true happiness showing through, and Steven thought that maybe - _just maybe_ \- things wouldn’t be so awful with her around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven has some very interesting things going on with his psyche this chapter, doesn’t he? I wonder what it all means… ;)
> 
> Blue, absolutely not contradicting herself: Don’t cry, Pink! …unless I’m the one making you. (While Yellow stands in the background rolling her eyes.)


	10. Beautiful Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so happy that Amy’s gotten such a warm reception. Bringing in an OC as a secondary character is a bit daunting; I worked for a few months trying to make sure she fit the mold of the show and that her personality would mesh well with other established characters. It warms my heart to know that people enjoy her presence.  
> Random fact: I have this fic saved as “steven dies the end” on my computer. It was originally just a placeholder while I figured out the actual title, but now I find it hilarious so I keep it.

Steven and Amy had lapsed into silence, waiting- for whenever Blue and Yellow decided to let them out, he supposed. He had noticed, in his time on Homeworld, that it never really got dark. The sun cast shadows, trailing across the room, disappearing into a brief twilight, then starting over again without the cycle of night. Maybe there were two suns? It was a puzzle that he chose to occupy himself with, lest he begin to dwell on other, less pleasant problems.

Steven shifted slightly, pressing a hand against his gem. It still hurt from time to time, a gentle tug at his consciousness: a watered-down version of the destabilizing force his earlier injury had caused. He saw Amy look over, then away again. He sighed; he was worrying her- _again_.

Steven drew his hand away from his gem, flexing his fingers before summoning his shield. He hadn’t really had time to look at it before, what with all the running and fighting- but the fact that it had changed had been bothering him. Well- along with everything else.

He took a closer look, running his hand along the pink shield’s newly-pentagonal form, all sharp edges and flat planes. Instead of a curved, convex surface, the straight outer edges mirrored a flat, raised central pentagon. Its vine-like spiral design was changed, too, no longer a single line growing out from the center but five converging from the outside, feeding into a much-more-organic-looking rose emblem, surrounded by a backing diamond outline. He traced a finger over one of the rose’s petals, frowning. What did the change mean? Was this his mom’s old shield, back when she was still living as _Pink Diamond,_ or was it something new?

The answers, as usual, eluded him. He shivered, feeling another uncomfortable twinge from his gem, and let his shield disperse. He rested his head back against the wall, closing his eyes as he tried to relax, or at least scrape together a little more patience for the Diamonds’ inevitable return.

He could feel Amy watching him but chose not to acknowledge it, letting her take her time getting around to whatever she wanted to say. Sure enough, after another moment the gem cleared her throat, an anxious note in her voice as she asked, “Uh… My Steven?”

“Yeah?” he replied, eyes still closed.

He heard Amy shuffle, then, “It… may be wise for me to reform before the other Diamonds return.”

Steven straightened, looking over at her, concerned. “But… won’t it hurt?” He’d almost forgotten about that demand of Yellow’s.

Amy levied him an exasperated look. “That’s not worth concerning yourself about, My Steven.”

Steven frowned, about to voice a denial, when Amy spoke again, “It’s going to happen either way, so do I have your permission to reform or not?”

Steven opened his mouth, blinked, then furrowed his brow. She shouldn’t have to ask permission about what to do with her own body. “But… isn’t there some way to make it easier, at least?” he asked, sensing his former thought wouldn’t go over well. He really didn’t want to risk hurting her, if he truly did have to poof her.

Amy leaned back, crossing her arms in annoyance. “My Steven. I am not as _fragile_ as you seem to think.”

Steven tensed. “I didn’t mean-”

Amy threw her hands out, effectively stopping the conversation in its tracks. “Look,” she said, after a pause, “your concern for me is… appreciated, but unnecessary. I’m an amethyst, not a sapphire; you don’t have to be delicate with me.” She looked down, continuing, “And I think we can agree that it would be best if no one else saw my gem. Or… this.” She gestured with her third arm, shame blooming across her features.

Steven’s shoulders slumped. _Right._ “Sorry- I wasn’t even thinking of that…”

Amy waved a hand, brushing off his apology. “It won’t take me long; I’ve had some practice doing quick-changes.”

“That’s-” Steven rethought his words. “You can take as long as you need, Amy; I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

To his surprise, the corner of Amy’s mouth turned up slightly, a brief hint of a smile. She shook her head. “That a yes, then?” she drawled.

Steven was confused, but not displeased, by Amy’s sudden change of mood. “Of course,” he nodded, mentally preparing himself for having to hurt his new friend.

She nodded in turn, sobering. “Well,” she said, tilting her head as she looked away, “see you on the other side.” She closed her eyes, concentrating for a moment, before her form dissipated with a sharp pop.

Steven, suddenly realizing her gem was, indeed, falling, scrambled up, sprinting to catch it. He managed to get his fingers around her just before she hit the ground. That was… unexpected. Could all gems just _poof_ like that? He held the gem gingerly, as if a single motion might break her, feeling the warm thrum of life within brush against his fingers. Did Amy feel the same from his gem when he was poofed?

He sat back against the wall again, cradling Amy’s gem to his chest as he waited, expectant. If her time to reform was anything like Amethyst’s, it could be only moments before she reappeared. He could only hope the ordeal wasn’t too awful for her.

Steven sighed, smoothing his thumb over Amy’s top facet as the seconds turned to minutes. Her gem was truly beautiful, as all gems were, glimmering with a faint inner light. Even her so-called blemish, the ‘malformed’ facet, shone just as brightly as the rest of her. Steven frowned, thinking of what Homeworld did to any gem that was different. He couldn’t understand it; he thought she was perfect just the way she was- no matter what anyone said.

Soon enough, Amy’s gem began to glow, and Steven released it into the air as she began to reform. The gem hovered, light solidifying into purple skin and hair, plus a newly-pink jumpsuit, before Amy dropped to the ground, renewed.

Steven smiled at her as she looked up. “Looking good,” he said with a wink and finger guns, and Amy rolled her eyes. “How do you feel?”

Amy stretched all three of her arms above her head. “Good,” she said. “Haven’t changed my form in nearly ten thousand years.” She looked down at herself, brushing a hand over the pink diamond insignia front-and-center on her jumpsuit. “Never worn pink before- but there’s always a first for everything.”

“It suits you,” Steven added, encouraging, and was rewarded with a smirk.

“If 40C could see me now- she might just lose her form in shock.” Amy shook her head, grinning. “ _Me_ , an _amethyst,_ serving directly under a _Diamond._ Hah!” She once more traced the diamond on her chest, pride shining through this time.

Steven bit his lip, withholding a smirk as he shrugged innocently. “Well… maybe we could arrange that.”

Amy looked up at him, brows raised, before laughing. “You’re funny. -You know, for a Diamond.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Steven replied lightly.

Amy huffed, amused. “You should; never had a commander with an ounce of good humor before.”

She made to say something else when suddenly the doors slid open, the pair starting in unison as they turned to the newcomer. The pleasant atmosphere evaporated instantly as they saw who it was, Amy standing as she snapped into a salute, form wavering only slightly as her third arm, tucked instantly behind her back, went missing.

Blue strode in, eyes only for Steven as she approached. “Pink,” she greeted, smiling, though there was a tightness around her eyes. “How are you feeling?”

Steven stood, also. “I’m fine, Blue,” he replied, keeping his voice carefully even.

Blue’s smile grew tight for a moment. “And you’ve contemplated your actions?”

Steven nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said, reticent. “It won’t happen again.” Not because he regretted saving Amy, but because he wouldn’t let it get to that point again. He would do better; he wouldn’t let anyone else get hurt because of him.

Blue scrutinized him. “See that it doesn’t,” she said, cold. She waited for something, a reply, perhaps, but Steven had none. He started to fidget, and a portion of tension sank from Blue’s shoulders. “Well… So long as you understand you acted inappropriately, I see no reason why we have to prolong your punishment.”

Steven couldn’t help but perk up. “I can leave?” he asked, surprised.

Blue smiled again, softly amused, chiding, “Of course, Pink.” She took a deep breath, clasped her hands together and continued, “Yellow and I have talked, and we agreed that it’s best that you were presented once more to the Courts. It is unbecoming to keep your return nothing more than a rumor among the baser gems.”

“Oh,” Steven stated. He had no idea what that meant.

Blue looked down at him expectantly. After a moment a flicker of confusion passed over her face; she stressed, “That means you can arrange a ball, Pink. For the first time in six-thousand years.”

“A ball?” Steven repeated. What did that have to do with anything? Was there some sort of Homeworld sport he didn’t know of?

“I-,” Blue’s confusion grew, bordering on disappointment, “thought you would be excited.” She frowned. “You’ve always loved your little celebrations, even if Yellow griped about having to attend every one of them.”

“Oh!” Steven exclaimed, realizing, at last, what Blue might be talking about. “A party!” He saw Amy, from the corner of his eye, wince.

Blue peered at him, bemused. “Yes, Pink. A ball. To announce to all of Homeworld that you’ve returned to us.”

Steven couldn’t help the bubble of excitement that grew within him; he just loved festivities too much for his own good, even if it was to celebrate something as horrible as being trapped here on Homeworld. “I can plan it?” he asked eagerly. “Everything?”

Blue nodded, pleased at his belated excitement.

“Can there be balloons? Streamers? -Oh!” he gasped. “What about fireworks?”

Blue furrowed her brow. “Pink, you know you must uphold Homeworld’s standards. None of those things, _whatever_ they may be,” her hand drifted, brushing his ideas aside, “would be appropriate. Only perfection is acceptable, especially if _White_ is to attend.”

Steven deflated. “Oh,” he answered. It was one of _those_ parties. Like when the rich tourists came to Beach City, off-and-on, and went around wearing suits and dresses no matter the weather, drinking things that weren’t allowed for kids and talking on phones instead of to the people they were with. Pretty, but pretty boring.

Blue frowned once more, this time in concern. “You’ve always adored planning balls before, Pink,” she coaxed. “With how grand this one will be, you’ll have so much fun, even without whatever silly toys you’re thinking of.”

Steven mustered up a smile; Blue smiled back. He would try to have fun, if it meant Blue would be happier. Suddenly the diamond’s eyes twinkled. She pressed her hands together, anticipation prevalent. “I know _just_ what will cheer you up, Pink. Come, let’s get you out of this place.”

Blue turned, making her way out of the room, and Steven followed, though not before making sure Amy was coming, too. Amy rolled her eyes at him, making a slight shooing motion as he slowed to wait for her. Point taken, Steven picked up his pace, coming to walk alongside Blue.

He looked around, noting the absence of one Blue Pearl. He nearly asked for her whereabouts before deciding against it; he wouldn’t want to get her in trouble. “Where are we going?” he asked instead.

Blue only smiled knowingly down at him. “You’ll see,” she teased, deliberately keeping up the mystery.

Blue led them down a series of unfamiliar halls, deeper into the Blue Court part of Homeworld. Fortunately, this time - unlike when he walked with Yellow - the diamond-sized passages were thoroughly empty, not a single gem crossing their path.

It was a quiet walk, but not an unpleasant one, now that Blue had dismissed her anger towards him. He took in the high windows and extensive artwork lining the walls, even spying a few more living statues among the murals and water features, his curiosity - and concern - piqued once again. He wanted so badly to ask whether they were really gems, but at the same time… did he really want to know the answer?

Eventually Blue slowed, and, as if on cue, Blue Pearl appeared from a small connecting hall. She curtsied to her Diamond, forming an elegant salute as the former waited expectantly.

“My Diamond,” Blue Pearl acknowledged, “your arrival is anticipated.”

Blue nodded, and her pearl stepped back to let them pass, giving Steven a small, encouraging nod as he looked at her. He offered a brief smile in return. At least he hadn’t completely ruined his relationship with her, if she was still willing to acknowledge him.

A knot grew in his stomach. Hopefully whatever Blue had planned for him wasn’t some new punishment. She didn’t seem like she was leading him to his doom, but then, she _was_ a Diamond.

Yet, his trepidation was pushed aside as a set of massive doors opened before them, leading out into a wide, sunlit blue plaza. They set across a beautifully ornate bridge, connecting the top floor of their building to the square ahead, seeming to rest atop one of the inverted pyramid buildings he’d seen dotting Homeworld’s skyline. Small groups of aristocratic gems milled about the area, admiring the (admittedly stunning) view, along with fountains and statues that accentuated elegant feats of architecture. The gems stopped what they were doing and saluted as soon as Blue Diamond came into view, every eye on her, and by extension, him.

An impressive building, looking almost akin to a temple with its towering columns and broad, crisscrossing arches, rose from the center of the plaza, steps leading up to it from every direction: large, diamond-sized in the middle, tapering smaller towards the corners. Strangely, the other gems gave the building a large berth.

Blue set off across the open space towards the central building, but Steven found himself trailing slightly behind, taking in the sights around him, relishing in the warmth of the sun against his skin. He found himself breathing a little easier, eyes drifting closed as he soaked in the peace.

He hadn’t realized he’d stopped, surprised to find Blue looking back at him when he opened his eyes again. Her lips turned up in a sad sort of smile, eyes glistening.

“You look tired, Pink,” she acknowledged softly. “Would you like to sit for a moment?”

“Oh- no, I’m fine, Blue,” he said nervously. “I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

Blue frowned. She stooped down, gently touching a finger to his cheek, a soft sense of peace descending with it. “My schedule has been cleared for a quarter-cycle. _You_ are the most important thing, right now.”

Steven looked down, uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

Blue stood again. She surveyed the plaza, then gestured to an ornate fountain dominating the corner to the right. “Let’s sit by the fountain, Pink; you always like the angle of the light there.”

Steven nodded, following in Blue’s wake. She walked to the opposite side of the massive water feature, seating herself on a diamond-sized bench, held up by twin statues and a crystalline latticework. Steven leaped up next to her, fiddling with his new clothes as he sat, too. Amy and Blue Pearl stood respectfully to the side, giving them space.

Blue sighed. She turned her gaze from Steven to the gravity-defying displays of water before her, gleaming in the light like liquid gems.

“Do you remember this place, Pink? You helped me design it.” She paused, continuing when Steven didn’t reply, “The first time you saw this fountain you jumped right into it; you just had to see the patterns beneath the water for yourself. They were new- designed just for you.” A wistful nostalgia came across Blue’s face. “I was furious, but you just laughed.” She smiled. “No one could ever resist your happiness, Pink. Especially me.”

Blue looked away from the fountain, gazing off into the distance. Her smile faded. “So much has changed while you were absent.” She looked down at Steven. “You’ve changed.” Her gaze grew intense, searching; he looked away.

“We’ll find a way to make things just like they used to be, Pink,” Blue said, a consolation. “Don’t worry.”

That was, unfortunately, _exactly_ what Steven was worried about. He withheld a frown, watching the graceful movements of the water, eyes following the sinuous forms as they danced before his eyes. The basin of the fountain glimmered as the light changed, a beautiful rush of color and light. Despite his worries, Steven found himself beginning to unwind again.

For a brief, blissful moment, the two of them sat in peaceful silence. Two the same, and yet complete opposites: neither able to be what the other wanted. Yet, as the silence stretched, Steven’s nervousness returned.

He glanced up at Blue, finding her watching the gems lingering in the distance. She seemed to have relaxed further, an antithesis to Steven’s changing mood. He waited a moment, eyes darting about, before he hopped down from the bench. Blue glanced to him, and though her gaze remained easy - nonjudgmental - it still burned holes in his back.

Steven walked to the lip of the fountain, hopping up to stand on the edge. He crouched down, running a hand across the water’s surface. Cool and pristine; a perfect reflection of Homeworld itself. The ripples set his own reflection to chaotic strips of pink, a slight disappointment as he hadn’t seen his new form yet. Though- he thought back to his gem’s change in positioning. Did he even want to see himself? Maybe this was for the best.

Steven looked deeper into the water. Up close he could see just how intricate the glimmering patterns inlaid at the bottom of the pool were. Every minute polygon in perfect symmetry, thousands of crystals laid in seamless alignment.

“Did you really make this for- me?” he asked, narrowly avoiding mention of his mom.

He could feel Blue’s ease behind him. “Of course, Pink,” she said, loving. “All of this was- _is_ for you.”

If Blue was trying to make him feel guilty, it was working. He frowned into the crystalline depths, running a hand through the water again. It trailed through his fingers, slipping away like so much else. He stood, hopping down from the fountain’s edge.

“Are you ready to continue?” Blue asked gently.

He nodded. “Yes, Blue,” he replied.

Blue rose, graceful, and continued toward the center building, looking over at a group of yellow gems, saluting respectfully from a distance.

Blue looked down at him. “Do you remember when Yellow let you name that experimental batch of citrine? They were still under development at the time.” She paused, a questioning glance sent Steven’s way.

“Sorry… I don’t,” Steven admitted.

Blue frowned, a brief flicker of sadness coming over her before a soft smile resurfaced. “Gold topaz, you called them.” She shook her head, chuckling softly. “The agates are _still_ getting confused over that one. Hm… perhaps you remember the billitonite?”

Steven shook his head. “Sorry,” he repeated.

“You named them fire pearl- _pearl!_ They didn’t even know to be offended… Oh!” She covered her mouth, a light peal of laughter on her tongue. “Or that batch of pyrite- _fool’s gold!_ White was absolutely _furious.”_ She laughed again. “We kept it, of course. You were always so silly, Pink.”

Steven couldn’t help but smile. Those _were_ some pretty good names.

Another laugh flitted about the open space, brightening the area. “The worst, though, was that batch of leucite. Do you remember that, Pink?”

Steven shook his head again, but his denial couldn’t dampen Blue’s enthusiasm.

“You tried to name them white _garnet_.” She smiled broadly, laughing, “White _really_ put her foot down on that one.” She laughed once more, then let out a breath, a sad nostalgia taking hold. “We had so much fun, Pink, all of us: you, me, Yellow… even White. Your little games brought us all together.”

Steven was surprised. “White would play with- us?”

“Oh yes,” Blue confirmed, “she always loved to hear you sing.” The sadness grew, and she looked to the building looming above with a wistful sigh. “You would come here to show us your new performances, sometimes; you made such beautiful music. With you around, the palace never felt empty, always full of laughter and song.” She looked longingly into the distance.

They’d reached the steps; Blue began to ascend them.

“Why don’t we do that now?” Steven asked tentatively. “I could sing for you guys.” He really needed to score some points with White; he hadn’t even gotten two words in the last time he’d tried to talk to her.

“No,” Blue breathed sadly, “White never leaves her head these days. Not even for Yellow and me. No one wants to be around, not with your empty spot.” She glanced aside, eyes watery, but composed herself before turning back to Steven again. “But maybe, if you prepare everything perfectly, White might just attend your ball, Pink.” There was a faint hope in her voice, as if she couldn’t truly believe her own words.

“I’ll do my best,” Steven confirmed, leaping up the last step.

Blue smiled at him, a deep fondness presenting itself. For a moment it looked as if she might say something profound, but then she looked away, taking in the wide doorway, open before them. “We’re here, Pink.”

While the outside of the building was all sky-blues and arching, sparkling motifs, the inside was quite different. Steven couldn’t help but look around in awe as Blue led him inside. If he hadn’t known better, he might have thought the doorway led right out into the expanse of space itself. Colorful nebulas burst along the dark walls, millions of stars seeming to hang suspended in the air, coalescing into revolving galaxies, sparkling as they swirled in gentle procession around the room. They moved in harmony, dancers following their own, unheard beat, a truly magnificent spectacle.

The doors closed behind them, leaving the room solely illuminated by starlight, every speck shining like a crystal beacon against the darkness. He nearly crashed into Blue’s ankles, still walking as he craned his neck in the opposite direction, trying and failing to take everything in at once.

“Do you like it, Pink?” Blue teased.

“Ah-” Steven had to pick his jaw up off the floor, blinking as he redirected his attention to Blue’s words. “It’s _incredible_ \- I’ve never seen _anything_ like this!” He looked around again, wide arms emphasizing his amazement. “Are they real? -I mean, are these stars really out there?”

“Of course,” Blue quietly laughed, “all of my colonies are present in these maps.” She smiled. “You know, you had just the same expression when you first saw this place.”

Blue gazed lovingly down at Steven, eyes only for him, as if, among all these wonders, he was still the most precious thing in the room. If he’d still been human he would’ve blushed, but as he was he felt an energetic thrum resonating from his gem, a wave of emotion overtaking him.

“Blue,” he breathed, “did you make this for…?”

“Everything for you, Pink,” she finished, confirming his thought in a soft sigh of syllables.

Steven looked down, his tears, for once, not Blue’s doing. The Diamonds truly loved his mom, didn’t they? And yet… even with all of this, she didn’t feel that love. They gave her everything she wanted, apart from the one thing she _needed_ : agency over her own decisions, her own life. How could they care so much for her, and yet ignore her thoughts, her _feelings?_ Steven could understand how she must’ve felt; he knew how frustrating- how _lonely_ that could be. Maybe he and his mom had more in common than he’d thought.

“Pink?” Blue queried. She leant over, concern on her face. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Blue,” Steven replied, wiping away his tears. He offered Blue a watery smile. “It’s just so beautiful.”

A flimsy excuse, but Blue accepted the flattery. She looked away, smiling softly. “This way,” she said, moving farther into the room.

Steven followed, continuing to look around, his enthusiasm a little dampened. But only a little.

Looking past Blue, he saw a raised dais he’d overlooked before. It ran the breadth of the room, a half-circle of diamond-sized stairs leading up. On the platform sat four pedestals, two on each side of the room, and on each pedestal stood a pearl. The two pearls farthest to the back were luminous as blue moonlight, dressed in translucent, flowing skirts and sleeves that swirled as they danced, while those to the front were a shade off from true black, their skin iridescent and gleaming in softly-shifting color, reflecting the nebulas around them, cloaked in long ribbons of star-spangled silk over elegant-cut jumpsuits. Every pearl moved in tandem, perfectly in step as if it was the most natural thing in the world, a hypnotizing display of billowing fabrics, twinkling with every move, and lithe limbs, defying gravity as they danced.

“What do you think of them?” Blue asked, following his gaze.

He stared, transfixed. “They’re beautiful.” He paused, frowning as he looked around. Weren’t pearls treated as property here on Homeworld? Why were they here alone?

“Is something wrong?” Blue asked.

“No- I just, uh.” He really didn’t want to say it. “Who- who do they-?” He gestured helplessly to the pearls; not a single one had so much as turned to look at them, still flawlessly executing their routines.

Blue laughed. “They’re mine, of course.”

Steven frowned. Blue had more than one pearl? Why hadn’t he seen them around before?

Blue walked up the dais, looking over her pearls, focusing in on the one closest to the left. She crouched down, hand hovering close to the small gem. She took Blue’s outstretched finger, caressing it as she twirled about the appendage, incorporating it into her dance. It was beautiful, but… wrong. The pearl’s face remained blank, eyes hooded, hardly a single recognizable emotion crossing her visage as she pirouetted.

Blue looked down at the pearl, approving, before drawing her hand away. The pearl’s touch lingered, not reluctant, but savoring the connection. But as soon as Blue broke contact she resumed her dance routine, not a single step misplaced, returning to impeccable sync.

“Why haven’t I seen them before?” Steven asked, ascending the steps himself in a series of jumps.

Blue offered a soft laugh. “These pearls are here for the enjoyment of my court. They complement the room beautifully- Don’t you agree?”

Steven slowly nodded, swallowing. Surely Blue didn’t just leave these pearls here, dancing endlessly, waiting for a brief moment when she might return? And yet, that was exactly what she was implying. To have no life other than to be a display for others, a living art installation… The mere thought was appalling. Sickening.

“Do you like them, Pink?” Blue asked, a soft intensity behind her question.

“Yeah,” Steven replied, the smile across his face fitting like a mask, hiding the cold horror he felt, “they’re… lovely.”

He found it hard to tear his eyes off the pearls, though for an entirely different reason than before. He searched, vainly, for some hint of free will, some spark of rebellion in their eyes. There was none.

“I had my best gems see to their production,” Blue said, reclining on an elegant glass bench perched against the wall, near-invisible in the low light. “Their color was such a chore to perfect; it’s so hard to yield pearls with just the right luster for low light. But these,” she motioned languidly to the dancers, “are flawless.”

Blue spoke of the pearls as if they were nothing more than yesterday’s fashion trend, an item to be used and thrown away, instead of the _people_ they were. Steven withheld a shudder.

“Sing to us, pearls,” Blue instructed. She smiled at Steven, expecting a happiness he didn’t feel. “One of Pink’s favorites.”

“Yes, My Diamond,” the back-left pearl’s ethereal voice sounded, hollow and lifeless.

The pearls opened their mouths, a perfect harmony of notes pouring forth as their choreography shifted, becoming more structured, though no less graceful. Their song was beautiful, but alien, empty, devoid of emotion in much the same way the pearls themselves seemed to be.

“Come sit with me,” Blue requested Steven, holding out a hand in invitation.

Steven acquiesced, walking past the pearls to leap up to Blue’s bench. He settled himself next to her, looking up at the drifting stars again.

Blue lifted her hand, and one of the galaxies stopped its trajectory around the room, drifting down to rest in her palm. She lowered it to Steven’s level, propping herself up on her elbow as her other arm came around, gesturing to the sparkling constellation.

“Do you remember the name of this galaxy, Pink?” she asked quietly.

The galaxy formed a loose spiral of light, the warm glow of millions of stars lighting up Blue’s cradling hand. “No, sorry,” he replied, peering closer into the celestial mass.

“Its marker is H-4, but its name is the Whirlpool Galaxy.” She looked at Steven, her expression warm. “You helped me name it.” Blue suppressed a laugh. “You insisted that the numeric designations were too boring to remember.” Blue sighed fondly, then returned to her explanation. “Seven of my colonies are located within the galaxy, four of them formerly fully aquatic worlds. They posed an interesting challenge during colonization.” She swirled a finger and one of the stars grew, others falling away until a sole, unfamiliar solar system rested in her hand. “You see this planet?” She pointed to a world, resembling the post-colonization image of Earth Peridot had found at the Moon Base, only larger and more impressive. “4-MX. Otherwise known as Telix.”

“Did it… were there organics on it?” Steven asked tentatively. How many worlds had Blue destroyed in the name of so-called ‘progress?’

Blue frowned, hand hesitating over the sphere. “No, Pink,” she sighed. She seemed to consider Steven a moment, then continued, “There was evidence that it once supported organic life, but the destabilization of its sun,” she backed out the diorama to the solar system view again, this time showing a much larger, red star at its center, the planet’s surface not dotted with crystalline spires but entirely water, appearing smooth and placid beneath a veil of swirling white clouds, “caused its environment to become hostile to organics millennia prior to the first gem’s arrival on its surface. However, some primitive structures and technologies were at least partially intact.” She shook her head. “You insisted on bringing some of that garbage back with us, when I took you to visit. -The peridots were delighted, naturally.”

Steven straightened in surprise. “You took mo- me there?”

Blue’s smile brightened at his interest. “Of course. Yellow and I took you to many of our colonies; how else could you begin to understand how to run your own?” Her smile faded suddenly, a faraway look coming across her face before she shook off the melancholy. She resumed her former train of thought, looking back to the diorama, “It was quite a project to reinitialize the star before it destroyed the potential colony.” She turned her hand, the model showing a time lapse of a massive structure being built around the red star, then closing in slowly until it was removed, a small, yellow star now in its place.

“Wow,” Steven breathed. To remake an entire star- What _couldn’t_ Homeworld do?

Blue’s smile returned. “Yes, it was quite an undertaking with the time restraints, even for my best starkeepers.” The simulation picked up speed, zooming in once more on the colony as it showed ships coming and going, the water drained as the planet was terraformed and utilized. “More than once, Yellow tried to convince me to scrap the project completely, move on to a world with less risk.” She laughed, a light reminiscence. “But I saw its potential, and I was right; the Sapphires formed in Telix’s kindergartens are some of the best to ever be produced. Even Yellow had to admit that, especially once I offered some to her Court.” Blue gazed down at her finished colony with pride, and for the first time Steven felt something other than horror associated with the destruction of a world.

If there weren’t any living beings there, it wasn’t that bad to use the world to make gems, was it? Especially if it was about to be destroyed anyway. He furrowed his brow, conflicted as he turned his attention back to the singing pearls. Homeworld was complicated: a lot more complicated than he’d imagined.

Blue tilted her head back, commenting wryly, “Yellow loves to laud on about how _efficiently_ she builds her colonies, but the fact remains that my gems’ rates of accidents and failures are ten percent or more below hers. She sometimes forgets that our gems are not us: they are not perfect, and when rushed are prone to mistakes.” She let out a breath, then finished with a self-satisfied wave, “My colonies may be fewer, but I know they achieve the utmost level of excellence in their construction.”

Suddenly the pearls’ voices stopped; they looked in unison to the floor at the foot of Blue’s perch. A single soft footstep cut through the sudden silence.

“My Diamond,” Blue Pearl’s voice echoed, and as Steven leaned over the bench’s edge he caught sight of her, “I apologize for the interruption, but I have received an urgent message from-”

Blue stiffened, demanding sharply, “That will be all, Pearl.”

Blue Pearl bowed, standing respectfully to the side as she followed her orders.

Steven tensed at the sudden change in Blue’s demeanor. Gone was the easy, reminiscent relaxation, replaced by a cold tension, chilling the air and tightening about his throat. The diamond rose, seeming frazzled as she glanced around the room, shaking the image of her colony from her hand. She caught sight of Steven’s worry and offered him a tight smile. It was probably meant to be reassuring, but truly was anything but.

“We’ll have to continue this later, Pink,” Blue offered apologetically, turning before she’d even finished her thought. “Pearl, escort Pink back to her chambers.”

“Yes, My Diamond,” Blue Pearl echoed.

“Wait!” Steven called as Blue started for the exit. She hesitated a moment, glancing back in question.

“What’s going on?” he pressed. Whatever it was, if it was enough to make a _diamond_ nervous…

Blue offered him another false smile. “Don’t worry, Pink,” she placated. “Nothing’s wrong. I’ll be back in a little while.”

“That’s not-” But Blue was gone, the doors flung open into the blinding light outside.

“Ugh,” Steven murmured, squinting as he brought his hand to his eyes. Though, a blink later, the gesture was proved unnecessary, eyes adjusting much more quickly than he’d expected. Steven sighed.

He hopped off the bench, floating to the ground, loose fabric billowing around his knees, and looked to Blue Pearl. “You’re probably not going to tell me what that was about even if I asked, are you?”

Blue Pearl’s lips thinned. “My Diamond does not wish to upset you, Pink Steven,” she replied. It was clear that was all he was going to get out of her.

He turned away, taking in the room again. He sidled up to one of the pedestals, looking up at the still-dancing pearl. “Hi?” he said tentatively. She glanced at him a moment, continuing her dance. “I’m Steven,” he continued.

The pearl’s arms flowed into a salute, somehow incorporating it into her routine. “How may we be of service, Pink Diamond?” she asked, voice empty.

“Oh, I don’t need anything, uh-” The pearl was watching him, now, in a way that was more than a bit disconcerting. “You- your song was really pretty.”

“Thank you, Pink Diamond,” she replied, not breaking step. Her stare was getting really eerie now, watching without any discernable intent behind her eyes, almost as if she was looking right through him.

Steven laughed uncomfortably, looking around for Amy. He spotted her leaning around the doorway, peering out into the bright plaza beyond.

“Uh… you’re welcome,” Steven offered the pearl as he backed away, making his way towards the doors.

“Amy!” he called out, skipping down the oversized steps, away from the (honestly, creepy) pearls (disregarding Blue Pearl, of course). He could feel their eyes following him as he went.

The amethyst looked back, saluting him as he approached.

Steven scrunched up his face, disgruntled. “You don’t have to do that, Amy.”

Amy looked unimpressed. “…I really do, My Steven.” Regardless, she dropped the salute. She glanced over his shoulder, doubtlessly at Blue Pearl trailing behind him.

“Oh, Amy!” He turned back. “This is Blue Pearl! Blue Pearl, Amy.” He smiled, gesturing between them both as he made the introduction.

Blue Pearl said nothing as Amy gave him an incredulous stare. “I know what a pearl is, My Steven,” she drawled.

Steven frowned. “But… you guys haven’t met before, have you?”

Amy stared a moment longer, then added, “No. Can’t say I’ve _met_ many pearls.”

The emphasis confused Steven a moment, before he brushed off the awkward encounter. “Well… I guess we should go back to my room.”

Blue Pearl stepped forward, offering a quick bow. “This way, Pink Steven,” she said, walking out into the sunlight.

Amy stared at her back as if she’d just invoked White herself, then gaped at Steven, raising her brows when he didn’t respond. “Does she always do that?”

Steven set off after the pearl, asking, “Do what?”

Amy gestured vaguely. “You know… _lead?_ ”

Steven raised his brows. Finally, he got what Amy was hinting at. “She can’t show us the way back if she’s behind us,” he stated.

“But-” Amy shook her head, swallowing her next words. “Nevermind.”

Steven was more than a little exasperated by Amy’s condescension towards pearls, but he wasn’t really sure how to correct it. Every argument just looped back to the same ‘ _but she’s a pearl,’_ mantra. He would just have to give her time; he knew she’d come around eventually, just like Peridot did.

Steven sighed, a wave of melancholy overcoming him as he remembered just how far he was from his friends, from home. He turned his gaze outward instead, pushing the gloomy thoughts aside. Gems stopped and whispered as they passed, keeping a respectable distance, but only a few offering him a salute. They probably had no idea who he was, or why he was hanging out with their diamond. He almost wished he could keep it that way.

However, considering how badly things went when he was mistaken for ‘Rose,’ his _almost_ quickly turned to ash. It would be better for everyone that Homeworld knew he was - at the very least - a diamond. Or, at least, he hoped it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was honestly difficult for me to write, not because of writer’s block (I’ve had the next few chapters planned out in detail for a while, and been quite excited to get them out) but because of some unpleasant memories that surfaced while doing so. I knew, going into this story, that I would be tackling some hard issues for myself, but I didn’t expect to face them so soon. I needed a break for a bit to recenter myself so I could come back to write as enthusiastically as want to. Thank you for your patience with my erratic upload schedule; I continue to be appreciative of your continued engagement with my story.
> 
> (TW; abuse)  
> That said, as Steven’s relationships with Blue and Yellow are going to change from here on, I wanted to post some additional information about the nature of abusive relationships, pertaining to those portrayed in my story.  
> The Diamonds are abusers, cut and dry. While I truly love the Diamonds as characters, they are not good people at this point in the story, and won’t be for quite some time, if ever. Just because they may appear to be less abusive doesn’t mean they will be so; they may merely switch to different tactics to achieve what they desire. Not meaning to hurt someone is not an excuse for causing hurt, and not knowing your actions are wrong does not make them right. Good interactions and intentions do not negate the bad. Pain is pain, and deserves to be heard and respected.  
> It is rare for an abuser to realize their behavior is problematic, usually blaming their victim or outside sources. They often believe they truly do care and love their victim, but in reality, they desire not the person themselves, but what that person has to offer them. Every abusive relationship has some foundation in obtaining control over the other party.  
> I bring this up because I do not want to glorify or encourage the abusive behavior that is present in my story. All abuse is heinous, and emotional/psychological abuse can be just as severe and damaging as physical abuse. Steven is, and will continue to be, damaged by the way the Diamonds treat him, no matter whether he succumbs to their manipulations/believes so himself or not.  
> If you believe you’re in an abusive relationship, please seek help. Do not allow excuses, gifts, temporary good behavior, or gaslighting to diminish the problems you see or how you feel. Being trapped in an abuse cycle is not your fault, and there is a better future. It’s immensely hard to leave an abusive situation, but it can be overcome. There is hope. I say this from experience.


	11. Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I’m still alive. Yes, it’s been far too long. And yes, I’m still actively working on this. I’ve just been rather under the weather lately. I do be tryin’ tho.   
> Nevertheless, I deeply appreciate the support. (Btw, over 200 kudos? Wow!)

Steven picked up his pace as they crossed the bridge, walking in sync with Blue Pearl (well, as much as he could, when she moved like every step was a dance). She looked to him in question.

“Hey… Blue Pearl?” he broached tentatively. He didn’t want to bother her, but…

“Yes, Pink Steven?” she replied, and he took that as the go-ahead to continue.

“What are parties- er, _balls_ , like on Homeworld?” Blue Pearl hesitated. He could feel Amy’s stare boring into his back, as if disgusted he would even _talk_ to a pearl. “I just- I don’t want to let Blue- or _White_ \- down.” He pressed his thumb into his palm, nervous at the very thought of seeing the Diamond matriarch again. “Do you know what she likes, at least?”

Blue Pearl drew in a breath, looking down. “White Diamond expects perfection, nothing less.” She pressed her lips together a moment, perhaps deliberating her next words. “Considering the… circumstances, it may be prudent not to expect her attendance.”

“Oh,” Steven breathed. “Because I screwed everything up.” He wasn’t sure if he was more disappointed or relieved.

Blue Pearl tensed. “I did not mean to-”

“No, it’s fine,” Steven said reassuringly. “I get it. I messed up.” A humorless laugh left his lips. “I’m not sure anyone could be any _less_ perfect than me.”

Blue Pearl remained stiff. “All diamonds are flawless by nature,” she said softly. They passed through a doorway, back inside once again, and she added, “You are no exception, Pink Steven.”

Steven huffed, sardonic. “Oh yeah, because everything around here is just _flawless._ ” Blue Pearl cringed, looking away, and he instantly regretted his words. “Sorry,” he added.

“There is no need to apologize, Pink Steven,” Blue Pearl stated, voice calm and clear, deferential as always.

The conversation well and truly died after that, fading into the silence of their footsteps. _Good job, Steven,_ he reprimanded himself, withholding a sigh.

He cleared his throat, trying again, “What do _you_ like?” He heard Amy scoff behind them; he ignored her.

Blue Pearl straightened in surprise. “Me?” she questioned, then held her breath, rigid, as if her simple query was a grievous breach of etiquette. Maybe it was.

“Yeah, you,” Steven mused, watching her curiously. “What do you do for fun around here?”

“Fun… I don’t…?” She glanced around surreptitiously, then let the tension fall from her frame. “I… I like to draw,” she offered, barely more than a whisper, then pressed her hands together to keep them from fluttering.

“Really?” Steven asked. She nodded. “Can I see? I like to draw too!”

She contemplated him, deliberating, and then pulled a diamond-shaped screen from her gem. She swiped her hand across it and a drawing bloomed into being. Ah- it was one of the ones from his ‘trial.’ He pushed down a grimace, taking in the (actually quite nice, once he looked past the premise) drawing of one of the zircons being blasted by Yellow.

“That’s… really good!” he said, truthfully, hoping his discomfort didn’t show through.

Blue Pearl looked down, a shy smile on her face. “They’re nothing much, really,” she explained. “My Diamond permits me to draw during court proceedings.”

“There’s more?” Steven questioned, eager. Blue Pearl offered the tablet to him and he swiped through a few more renditions of the trial, landing on one depicting Blue Diamond, then another of Yellow Pearl. The portraits seemed to have more detail than the rest of the sketches.

“You’re a great artist!” Steven smiled. He looked intently at the last drawing and added, “Yellow Pearl is really pretty, isn’t she?”

Blue Pearl clasped her hands in front of her, still smiling as she agreed, “She is very suitable for her Diamond.” Even her voice held a smile.

He flipped through another couple drawings, skipping past one with his face crossed out, asking, “Do you two hang out much?”

Blue Pearl’s smile turned to a puzzled frown. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“You know- get together, just the two of you?”

“Oh,” Blue Pearl offered, surprised, “that wouldn’t be permitted.”

“Oh,” Steven replied in turn, a cold draft of sadness sweeping through him at Blue Pearl’s plight.

“But…” she continued, “when our Diamonds are discussing matters together, privately, there are some times where we may converse.” A small smile returned to her face.

“Do you ever show her your drawings?” Steven asked, eyes tracing the surprisingly bold lines and striking figures dominating Blue Pearl’s art. Her style contrasted her typically demure persona in a way that was distinctly… hers.

Blue Pearl shook her head. “They’re not relevant.”

Steven frowned. “I mean, maybe… But not everything has to be _relevant_ to be important, right?”

Blue Pearl fell silent at that, but he could tell she was mulling over his statement. They reached the corridor to his room and he handed the tablet back, Blue Pearl taking it with a nod.

“Thanks for sharing with me,” Steven said. “I really like your style. I’ve been working on mine, but it’s hard to get just the right feel…” He opened his mouth to elaborate, took a look at the looming topazes, and changed his mind. “-And hands are hard,” he finished.

To his surprise, Blue Pearl laughed. It was faint and brief, but it felt like an accomplishment. Steven found himself laughing, too.

The laughter gave way to a sigh as they entered Pink’s room; he was stuck there once again, waiting for a Diamond to come fetch him for who-knew-what. He walked to the middle of the room, then stood, idle, not really sure how to occupy himself.

Frowning, he fiddled with the edge of his skirt. He really should find out what he looked like…

“Uh… Why is it so empty in there?” Amy’s voice skirted the room, and Steven looked over to find her standing in the doorway, seeming unsure if she should enter. She looked over at one of the Topazes, then quickly down, tensing as she fought not to stare at any one thing for too long.

Steven waved her in, the door shutting ominously behind her as she stepped forward. “What do you mean?” he asked, looking around. He supposed it _was_ a bit empty- well, more than a bit. But wasn’t that normal?

Amy gestured vaguely. “I thought all upper-crust gems had furniture and… _stuff_ around. They seem to like it.” She huffed, “Blue Diamond certainly does, from what I saw earlier.”

“Oh, um…” Steven looked around, then shrugged. “It was like this when I got here…”

“Pink Steven..?” Blue Pearl inquired, stepping forward.

“Oh, yeah?” Steven responded.

“The pebbles are capable of constructing furnishings of any design, should you wish it.” She clasped her hands before her, dutifully delivering her statement.

“Really?” he replied, kneeling down. Of course, he knew they could make chairs and such, but _anything?_ He knocked on the floor excitedly. “Hey, pebbles, is that true?” he whispered into the tile. “Can you really make anything?”

A few muffled squeaks were the only reply.

“Hey, it’s okay, you can come out,” he said coaxingly. “You won’t get in trouble, I swear.” He looked up at the other gems. “Right, guys?”

Blue Pearl nodded, while Amy just gazed at him incredulously. Slowly, a square of the floor raised up, a few pebbles poking their heads out of the gap curiously.

“We can make anything for you, Pink!” one exclaimed happily.

Steven giggled, holding out his hand; a few pebbles climbed up to sit on his palm. “That’s incredible! Can you really make _everything?_ What about moving things? Like the teacups at Funland! -Wait,” he reconsidered with a grimace, “don’t make those. They make me sick.”

The pebbles laughed, beaming up at him; more clambered out of the hole in the floor, climbing up his clothes.

“We can make or move anything you want, Pink!” a pebble reiterated.

“Do you want a throne, Pink?” a pebble in a green smock asked, looking up with starry eyes, filled with excitement. “Or a _biiig_ mirror?”

“Your new form is _pretty_ , Pink!” a different pebble interrupted, smoothing the fabric of his skirt.

“Why is an amethyst here?” another asked.

“Because Pink wants her here!” yet another replied, and the two pulled faces at each other.

Steven laughed, “Calm down, you guys.” He gestured to Amy with his free hand, who was observing the pebbles with something between disbelief and disgust. “This is Amy! She’s going to stay with me from now on.”

“ _Amy,”_ a pebble cooed. Another added, “She’s _pretty.”_

“I like her!” a third pebble announced.

Amy huffed at the comments, rolling her eyes. Yet, despite her dismissal of the pebbles, she still looked away, seeming a little embarrassed as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“She _is_ pretty, isn’t she?” Steven agreed, and the pebbles broke out into excited exclamations.

A faint purple flush bloomed across Amy’s hands and cheeks, and Steven bit down a chuckle.

He looked down at his new clothes again. “Did you guys say you could make a mirror?” he asked.

The pebbles offered a dozen hurried affirmations, overlapping in a cloud of anticipation that had him giggling.

“Oh-” he looked back to Blue Pearl and Amy, loitering as they avoided each other’s glances, “but we should make somewhere for you guys to sit, first. A couch, maybe?”

“What’s that?” a pebble asked. “A cow-ch?” A collection of bright eyes looked up at him, questioning.

“Um…” Steven gestured helplessly to the air. “Someplace flat, with legs so it’s not on the ground, and a back? Comfortable to sit on? They can come in a lot of different shapes and sizes.”

“ _Legs?”_ a pebble stressed, looking worried.

“Not- not real legs!” Steven exclaimed. “Just- sticks, so it’s off the floor.”

The pebbles chattered amongst themselves and a group dove back into the floor; a moment later a fairly decent approximation of a couch rose up next to him.

“Couch!” one pebble announced proudly from atop it.

Steven chuckled. “That’s pretty good!” he said, and the pebbles celebrated their victory. He got up, steadying a few little gems that teetered precariously on his shoulders. “You guys can sit, if you want,” he directed to the two larger gems, both still standing awkwardly, watching him interact with the pebbles.

“I don’t need to-” overlapped with, “It is not necessary-” as both gems spoke in unison, then turned to each other with shared surprise.

Amy snarled, grip tightening on her arms, “I’m not _sitting_ with a _pearl_.”

Steven’s fragile attempt at good humor cracked as Blue Pearl ducked her head, nodding as she stated, “That would not be proper.”

“I don’t _care_ about what’s proper,” Steven stated, flat, as he gave Amy a disappointed stare. He crossed his own arms as he saw her bristle. “No, Amy, I get that you don’t like pearls, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to be so- _awful_ to her! Blue Pearl is my _friend_ , and you shouldn’t treat her like this!”

Amy’s eyes grew wide, and he realized with surprise that he’d teared up. He blinked, trying to stem the flow, but his eyes seemed determined to continue to leak tears despite his protest.

“I- I’m sorry,” he said, turning away as he wiped his eyes, the pebbles petting his hair and whispering to him soothingly. “I didn’t mean to get upset, I just…” He trailed off with a pathetic sniffle. This wasn’t even that bad; why was he getting so emotional? What was _wrong_ with him?

“My-” Amy began, placating.

Steven interrupted, a simple, stressed, “ _Don’t,_ ” immediately regretting the sharp intake of breath that answered it, the memory of a flinch. He took a few deep, steadying breaths, that really did nothing to steady him, then turned around again. He plastered a tepid smile on his face, sharp and brittle like glass, already half-cracked. “I’m fine, see?”

The two gems stood in awkward silence, Amy casting him a withering stare that shattered what was left of his nonchalance. Steven looked down, false smile fading. “Let’s… just make two couches. Would that be okay? I mean, if you want to sit at all- You don’t have to, I just thought-”

“ _My Steven,_ ” Amy interrupted gently, cutting off his rambling, “I…” She glanced over at Blue Pearl, whose lips were pursed in a concerned frown, hands knotted together as if restraining them from action. “I acted inappropriately. I never should have questioned you.” Steven opened his mouth in a denial, and she continued, “You are My _Diamond;_ if you treasure this pearl, then so shall I.”

Steven’s frown deepened. “I don’t want you to do things just because you think it’s what I want, Amy,” he said softly, pushing down another wave of emotion. “It’s just… so _wrong_ to treat a _person_ as _property._ ”

A silence descended; Amy made a hesitant movement, a stretch of her fingers as if to reach out to him, before abandoning the act, dropping her arms to her sides. She worried her lip, brow furrowed.

“It is… my purpose, to be of service to another,” Blue Pearl’s voice brushed against the quiet, hesitant.

“I _know_ that,” Steven stressed, because _of course_ she would think so, “but you’re a person too! Just because you were made to do something, or be something, that isn’t all you are; it doesn’t mean people can hurt you and get away with it! Your feelings matter- _you_ matter. Being different isn’t- isn’t a _defect_!” Somewhere along the line Steven realized he’d stopped talking about Blue Pearl, and started talking about himself.

Amy crossed her arms again, this time not out of anger, but discomfort, his words obviously hitting close to home for her, too. She hunched in on herself, guilt crossing her face as Blue Pearl looked down, brows furrowed.

Steven sighed. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I know Homeworld has rules- about what you’re supposed to do, who you’re supposed to be- I just… don’t _understand_ them. And I _don’t_ agree with them. You’re both my friends- I… wanted you guys to be comfortable, to be able to have somewhere to sit so you wouldn’t have to be so…” He gestured vaguely, words failing him. He hefted a sigh, running his hands over his face. “I didn’t mean to start a fight.”

Neither gem seemed to know what to say to that.

“How about…?” Steven began, tentative. “How about, so long as you’re just here with me, we try to forget about the rules? For a little while, at least? No diamonds or pearls or formalities- just… people. Okay?” He looked at the gems before him, hopeful.

The silence stretched for a moment before Amy huffed, walking over to take a seat on the pebble-proclaimed couch. She looked at Blue Pearl, then nodded to the space next to her. “You going to sit or what?” she drawled.

Blue Pearl drew herself up in surprise, then cautiously made her way over, perching on the seat next to Amy. “…Thank you,” she murmured, stiff, face carefully blank.

Amy glanced at Steven, then back to the pearl. “So… you draw,” she stated, in lieu of an icebreaker.

“Oh… yes,” Blue Pearl replied. She looked down for a moment, then brought a hand to rest delicately against the gem on her chest. “Would you like to see?”

Amy nodded, eyes flicking once more to Steven, and Blue Pearl withdrew the tablet from her gem. Steven could see the image landed back on Yellow electrifying the zircon. He looked away, trying not to cringe.

Amy snorted in amusement, leaning in to get a better look. “What did this speck do to get Yellow Diamond so riled?”

The picture seemed not to affect her the way it did Steven… Why? He shook his head, brushing the thought aside. It wasn’t important.

“Oh, um…” Blue Pearl looked to Steven, questioning; he nodded encouragingly, offering a much-more-genuine smile. This was good; they were talking, at least. “Well, you see…”

Steven returned his attention to the pebbles, leaving the other gems to their conversation. He was touched at the effort Amy and Blue Pearl were putting in on his behalf, after he’d been the one to upset them in the first place. Maybe if he was lucky, and Amy could hold off on her prejudice, they might just become friends, too. It was a nice thought.

He took a few steps away, craving some space; he needed to pull himself together. “So, what did you guys say about a mirror?” Steven directed, cross-eyed, to a blue-hatted pebble, peering down from the top of his head.

The pebble gasped, excitement ripping through the group of tiny gems once more, “You want a mirror now, Pink? We’ll make one right away!” And with that most of those clinging to Steven clambered down his side, disappearing into the floor after the others.

A gap opened in the floor near the wall, the pebbles quickly constructing a towering mirror, doubtlessly sized more for _her_ than _him._ He strode over, then paused as the construction finished. For a moment, the three-panel array seemed almost… _familiar…_ but then the moment passed, Steven shaking off the odd nostalgia. He stepped to the side, into the mirror’s reflection, getting his first good look at his new form.

He blinked, breath caught in his throat as Pink Diamond stared back at him. Every fiber of his being froze, tied in knots as he clenched his eyes shut, denying the image before him. There was no way… He _wasn’t-!_

He cracked one eye open again, breath escaping him in a stifled half-moan as the image looking back at him changed. He shook his head, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he forced himself to relax. For a moment, he would’ve sworn… but no, it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He opened his eyes once more, gaze traveling the familiar-but-different curves of his face. He wasn’t her.

He brushed his hands down his front, his reflection copying the movement, solidifying its reality. He looked… off. He frowned, and his reflection frowned back at him, diamond eyes piercing. He ran a hand through the soft curls of his hair, giving a gentle pat and a smile to a pebble seated on his shoulder, braiding a few unruly strands at his nape.

His eyes traveled down his form once more, and it dawned on him the source of his disquiet; he looked unfinished, his form incohesive, clothes an asymmetrical assortment of design and hue. It wasn’t… _bad_ , and it wasn’t _her,_ but it wasn’t quite _him,_ either. He shuddered, the memory of his mid-poof nightmare surfacing. Did he reform too soon? Was he-? No, he was fine. He was _fine._

He looked closer, recognizing elements of his mismatched outfit: a single puffed sleeve, ripped from Pink’s image, his ruffled skirt following closely after, though more an inspiration than a copy, falling in scallops like his mom’s- _Rose’s_ dress. His pink shirt clung tight to his chest, an opening perfectly displaying his diamond-set gem while concealing the cracks surrounding it, which- yep, were still there. He sighed, scuffing his foot against the floor; at least he still had his usual sandals. Even if everything else was off-kilter, a hodgepodge of his mom’s memories.

Steven wrapped his arms around himself, hiding the diamond displayed prominently at his navel. The reality of his situation washed over him once again, tears pooling in his eyes as homesickness gnawed a hole in his chest. What he wouldn’t give to have Pearl fuss over him now; to hear Garnet’s advice or Amethyst’s laugh. To feel a hug from his dad or to see Connie’s smiling face again… To be human.

He breathed in, then out, and let the feelings pass like Garnet had taught him as Stevonnie, a time that seemed centuries ago now. It was okay to feel bad. And it was okay to move on. His family would always be with him in his heart, even if he never saw them again. Even if he might not be _himself_ anymore. No- he was _still_ Steven, no matter what anyone said.

Wasn’t he?

A laugh broke him from his unpleasant thoughts, and her turned to find Amy chatting animatedly with Blue Pearl, grinning over the tablet shared in their hands.

Steven smiled, seeing the two gems getting along, but instead of joining them he walked around the couch’s back, dodging a glance he could feel from Blue Pearl as he stepped out onto the balcony. He needed a plan. _Ugh,_ but none of his plans _worked!_ He rested his elbows on the edge, squishing his cheeks against his fists as he thought.

He looked out over the Homeworld skyline, eyes following a few distant spacecraft lifting into orbit, black specks against the pale pink sky. He lingered a while, no bright ideas making themselves known, before the unseeing gaze of White Diamond’s monument grew even more uncomfortable than usual. He turned around, looking back at Amy and Blue Pearl. Maybe it was time to ask for help. Both of them surely knew much more about Homeworld and the Diamonds than he did. He would just have to be careful no one else found out- he wouldn’t get them in trouble... again.

He walked back to the seated gems, Blue Pearl falling silent and looking up at his approach, shortly followed by Amy.

“My Steven,” Amy said with a calculating look, somewhere between wariness and concern.

“Hey Amy,” Steven replied, looking down. “You guys doing okay?”

Amy huffed, “Naturally. But, uh-” Her eyes flicked to Blue Pearl, then back to him. “Forgive me for asking, but Pearl said you just stay… in here? Like _this?_ ” Her gaze darted around the near-empty room, displeasure written in the thin line of her mouth. She was obviously trying, and failing, not to judge the décor- or lack thereof.

Steven shrugged. “It’s not like I can go anywhere else,” he mumbled, fighting to keep the bitter edge from his voice. His nails dug into his palms.

Amy peered at him, incredulous, face shockingly similar to Amethyst’s when she questioned his intelligence.

“What?” He asked, uncomfortable.

Amy squinted in apparent bewilderment. “Uh… you have the whole palace to- I mean, she _does_ have access to her palace, _right?”_ she finished, directing the question to Blue Pearl.

“Pink Steven has one-hundred and forty-four chambers at her disposal within her Homeworld palace, yes,” Blue Pearl confirmed.

Steven gaped, mind skipping over the lapse in pronouns as he fought to comprehend what he was hearing.

“ _Wait,_ I can _leave?_ ” Steven questioned, aghast. But he had checked the door; he was locked in!

“Yes, Pink Steven. You may go wherever you wish.” Blue Pearl looked confused, as if the thought of keeping Steven prisoner had never even occurred to her. As if that wasn’t what the Diamonds had been _doing_ -

“You’re telling me I could leave, _the whole time_ ,” Steven reiterated, incredulous. He could’ve- He _would’ve_ \- There’s no _way-_

The pearl blinked. “Of… course, Pink Steven.”

A taut ball of anger, curled painfully in his chest, burst into flame. He growled, stalking away, quickly coming to a stop at the wall. His hands curled into fists, teeth bared, rigid with anger. He’d been free to go the _entire time,_ only hindered from leaving this room by his cursed inability to open a _single door_. He wanted to scream in frustration. It wasn’t fair! _None_ of this was _fair!_ He drew back one arm, leveling his rage into a blow, sent flying towards the stupid, infuriatingly _pink_ wall-

His fist paused, a millimeter away from connecting. What was he doing? He looked at his hand, fingers clenched tight and rigid, fist trembling as he withheld the anger boiling inside him. A lone pebble huddled against his neck, the rest suddenly - and conspicuously - absent. He forced himself to take a breath, closing his eyes. No, this wasn’t right. He slowly, carefully lowered his arm, stuffing his anger away, deep inside him where it couldn’t scare anyone- _hurt_ anyone. He couldn’t break things because he was angry. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t _him._ (And if a niggling voice at the back of his mind insisted that Blue would be disappointed, he paid it no attention.)

“…My Steven?” Amy’s voice came, a quiet concern.

Steven spun around, eyes still shut, breathing shallow and ragged as he smothered bursts of emotion, struggling to escape the pit he’d dug for them. “How do you open the door?” he asked, voice clipped. He wouldn’t take the frustration of his own stupidity out on them. They didn’t deserve that.

“ _How do you-_ You’re kidding me, right?” Amy stuttered, a half-laugh ending the question.

“No,” Steven stated, finally wrangling his anger enough to open his eyes; Amy stiffened under his gaze, any trace of humor vanishing. “How do you open the door?” he repeated, a dull tiredness spreading through his limbs, dragging his thoughts down and down… How could he have not _known…?_

Amy gulped. “That’s, uh…” She shook her head, opening and closing her mouth. “You just… ask it to open?”

Steven forcefully unclenched his jaw. “I tried that,” he stated. “I told it to open a _hundred_ different ways-”

“No, not- not verbally,” Amy clarified, raising her hands in a conciliation. “You know, you just… connect with the mechanism, and if you have clearance it will respond. Well- _everything_ should respond to you- you’re a _Diamond-_ ” She clamped her mouth shut at that, poorly attempting to withhold a cringe as she rethought her statement, appraising his reaction with a wary stare.

Steven pressed his back against the wall, sliding down it to rest his head in his hands. Her explanation only confused things more.

“You really… didn’t know?” Amy asked, hesitant.

He shook his head, letting out a sigh. What did it even matter, anyway? So he could go around to a few more of Pink’s old rooms; it’s not like that would get him a ticket off of Homeworld. But still… to get away from this same empty room, irrevocably saturated with _her_ presence…

It would’ve been nice to know.

Steven took a deep breath, letting the last vestiges of anger leave him, and looked up. Blue Pearl had apparently stood as he sat, leaning towards him with concern clearly written on her face, an expression mirrored on Amy’s, though with added discomfort… and maybe a spark of fear.

“I’m okay,” he murmured, and the sheer _doubt_ that crossed the other gems’ faces was almost comical. “Really,” he stated. “I just… wish someone had told me.” He sighed again, and added, bitterly, “I wish anyone told me _anything.”_

Blue Pearl stepped forward, head bowed and hands clasped. “I’m sorry, Pink Steven,” she said, regretful. “This was an unacceptable oversight on my part…”

“No, no, it’s not your fault,” Steven protested, holding out a hand to stop the pearl’s self-flagellation, a flicker of guilt twisting within him at her words. “There’s no way you could’ve known. I was just- I just _assumed-_ ” He closed his mouth and tried again, “I just don’t know... a lot. About Homeworld.” Understatement of the century, there.

Blue Pearl nodded, but it was Amy who spoke next. “Do you… want to go somewhere else?” she asked, looking at him like he was a puzzle she was having trouble piecing together.

“I-” Did he? No doubt the rest of Pink’s palace would be just as steeped in sour memories, left empty and vacant in her absence… But he couldn’t suppress his curiosity. He might even learn something useful, if he was lucky. “Yeah,” he answered. _Of course I do,_ his tone supplied.

Amy raised a brow at Blue Pearl. The gem stared back for a moment before Amy turned her hands out in an exasperated gesture. “ _Well?”_ she asked, prompting a response.

Blue Pearl stiffened, a soft, “Oh,” of realization escaping her lips as she looked back to Steven. “I can show you to any of your chambers,” she offered, apologetic.

“I…” His eyes flicked over to Amy for a second. “I don’t know what-” He frowned and asked, “How about you show me how to open the door, first?”

Blue Pearl’s face pinched in a frown. Amy rolled her eyes, stepping forward as Blue Pearl faltered.

“What don’t you get?” she asked, walking over to the door, Steven and Blue Pearl following. She seemed more relaxed as she took command of the situation, though her shoulders were still drawn in a tight line.

Steven’s brow furrowed as he studied the door, no control panel visible. “You said there was a mechanism- Where…?” He continued to search the thin seam of the doorway, looking in vain for something he’d missed.

Amy squinted at him. “You can’t see it,” she stated. “It’s an internal mechanism.” A look of comprehension came over her face, her hands forming decisive fists. “ _Ohhh,_ you’re thinking of touch-plates, aren’t you?”

Steven could only offer a blank stare. “Uh… maybe?”

Amy shook her head, huffing a dry laugh. “No one has to physically connect with tech anymore- well, unless you’re doing some heavy coding. It’s just not efficient- phased out millennia ago.”

“But… how do I get the door to open, then?” Steven asked, feeling increasingly stupid.

Amy sighed in exasperation, rapping her fingers against her thigh as she thought. “Hey, Pearl,” she called, and Blue Pearl straightened, “you have any touchless tech we can use?”

“Of course,” Blue Pearl replied, hand flitting to her gem. She hesitated a moment before a glow lit up against her palm, and she pulled a small object into being. “Would this do?” she asked, offering a flat, near two-dimensional translucent sliver of crystal to Amy.

Amy took it with a nod. “That’s fine,” she stated, turning back to Steven. She flipped the small diamond between her fingers, then held it out to him.

Steven took it, running his thumb along the smooth edge as he frowned down at it. “What is it?” he asked.

Amy put out her hand, palm up, and Steven gave the piece of tech back. She held it up, top and bottom corners pinched between her fingers. “Just a personal array,” she said casually. “Think you can turn it on?”

Steven stared at the piece of crystal. “ _How?”_ he stressed.

Amy grumbled. The device began to glow, a few lines of gem glyph scrolling across its surface as she released it into the air. “Here,” she said, “it’s on, right?”

Steven nodded.

“So focus on it. -Not with your eyes,” she added, as Steven squinted in concentration. “Try to feel it.”

Steven let his eyes fall shut, trying to stretch his awareness to the device hovering before him. “I don’t-” he began, frustrated, but suddenly, he _felt_ it. A small blip at the edge of his consciousness. “I… I think I got it?” he said, uncertain.

“Okay, good,” Amy said, sounding more than a little relieved. “Feel the power source, and try to tell it to turn off-” she paused and clarified, “stop the flow of energy through it.”

Steven frowned, face scrunching as he concentrated. He stretched his awareness around the small display, trying to understand. As the moment lengthened, he began to worry he wouldn’t be able to do it- that he just wasn’t cut out to interface with Homeworld technology, but then Blue Pearl spoke.

“You are entitled to as much time as you need, Pink Steven,” she said, voice soft, barely more than a whisper. “…I had to learn, too.”

Blue Pearl’s words were more encouraging than she knew, and as Amy grunted in agreement Steven let himself relax. He took a deep breath. He could do this.

He honed in on the faint hum of hard-light, picturing the device it belonged to in his mind, puzzling out how, exactly, he was supposed to _tell_ it to do anything. He mentally prodded the thing, quickly sucking in a breath as a sense of otherness bloomed in his mind, the device seeming to open itself to him. The sensation wasn’t that far off from when he’d astral project, except he wasn’t moving away from his body entirely, merely stretching his consciousness to encompass something else. He willed the array to power off.

Steven started at a sharp sound, concentration breaking; the display had clattered to the floor. “I did it!” he exclaimed, surprised.

“You did!” Amy said proudly, grinning his way as Blue Pearl scooped up the device and offered it back. Amy snatched it out of her hand, holding it up before him again. “Okay,” she said eagerly, “now try to turn it on again.”

It went much easier this time, barely an effort to seek out the little ball of energy that signified the device. It opened itself to him easily, powering on with a half-formed thought, and this time he could feel a series of options brimming at the edges of his mind, awaiting a signal to complete. He poked at one, tentatively, and a rush of knowledge wormed its way into his head, operating instructions settling among his thoughts like the missing pieces of a puzzle. In a single instant he’d learned everything he needed to know about the little monocle-style display, could envision its every working as if he’d seen it a thousand times before.

“ _Wow,_ ” Steven couldn’t help but breathe. His eyes fluttered open, and he caught Amy glancing over him with concern. He frowned her way, awe fading as he came back down to reality.

“You good?” she asked, then elaborated, “You were out of it for a moment, there.”

“Oh,” Steven replied. “Sorry.” Amy shook her head at his apology, exasperated, but chose not to comment.

He glanced back to the array, tempted to try out the options he’d just learned, but wanting more so to finally unlock ( _ha_ ) the mystery of Homeworld doors. “I think it gave me the, uh, operating manual? Or something?” He bit his lip. “Is that normal?”

“Oh, yes,” Blue Pearl said lightly. “Gem technologies are designed to integrate seamlessly with any user, providing the necessary programming for synchronicity.” She smiled. “The same principle of interface is applied when accessing any other device; now that you understand how it’s done you should have no further trouble using Homeworld’s technologies, and with the base program in place any essential data transfer from other devices should be instant.”

“Great!” Steven said, genuinely pleased despite only understanding a part of what the pearl said. If everything was that easy…

Blue Pearl offered him a happy nod, and Amy chuckled.

Steven turned toward the door with a nod. “Okay, so this should be the same thing, right?”

“The door control mechanism is significantly simpler than-” Blue Pearl began, only to stutter to a halt as Amy waved her hand in the pearl’s face.

“She’s got this, Pearl,” Amy said, rolling her eyes. “Just give it a try; it’ll be easy,” she added to Steven, encouraging.

Steven glanced to the door, then back to Amy, debating if he should bother correcting her.

Amy picked up on his discomfort instantly. “What?” she asked, crossing her arms. “Don’t go doubting yourself now-”

“No, it’s not that,” Steven said hurriedly. “It’s just- it’s _he_.”

Amy’s lips formed the word seconds before it left her lips. “ _What?”_

Steven shrugged uncomfortably. “You keep calling me _she._ ” He gestured to himself. “I’m a _he_.”

Amy stared at him, looking more confused by the moment. “He,” she repeated doubtfully.

Blue Pearl bobbed her head. “I understand, Pink Steven. You wish to be referred to as ‘he.’”

Amy rolled her shoulders, looking frightfully close to doing the same with her eyes. “Sure, okay, _he’s_ got this, then.”

Steven nodded, a small burst of warmth within his chest as not one, but both Homeworld gems acknowledged at least _some_ portion of his humanity, however small. He centered his focus on the door, closing his eyes, letting his awareness expand outwards… and with a brush of thought and a slight draft of movement, the door opened. The pebbles lingering about scurried away into the floor, leaving Steven staring out the empty doorway, feeling a strange combination of elated, disappointed, and a tad unsure.

“That was easy,” he breathed, still shocked, despite everything, to find the door _open_ in front of him. Even more so that it was _him_ that did the opening.

Amy huffed, stepping closer. “Told you,” she said slyly, raising a hand as if to clap Steven on the back. She seemed to realize the gravity of her gesture midway, pulling her arm tight to her side as she looked away, suddenly stiff.

Steven laughed, reaching over to pat Amy’s shoulder, receiving a mostly-confused and somewhat pained smile in return. “Thanks, Amy,” he said, then turned back to Blue Pearl. “And thank you too! I never would’ve known how to get out of here without you guys.”

Blue Pearl inclined her head as Amy made a doubtful noise under her breath. “It was nothing, Pink Steven,” the pearl said with a soft smile, hiding her fluster behind her fringe.

He stepped up to the door, nervous energy thrumming beneath his skin. So many possibilities had opened up to him and he was ready to explore them, yet… He found himself hesitating.

Would the Diamonds be angry if he wound up somewhere else, if they came looking for him? No- this was- this was supposed to be _his,_ right? Surely it would be fine? A knot of worry remained in permanent residence at the pit of his stomach.

Amy stepped up beside him, peering at him while trying not to look like she was, obviously wondering what the holdup was about. He took a breath. This wasn’t a big deal; he could do this. He’d opened the door; all that was left… was to step out.

He took the step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to keep Steven in character, but the mounting opportunities for sardonic humor keep tempting me so bad. Sarcasm is my greatest weakness… And ultimate strength, naturally.  
> Robots might dream of electric sheep, but I dream of snarky ones.


End file.
